Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
The Lake House
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OK.... lunch with contractor.
He said out loud he was hungry and could eat anytime. I jumped on getting that ready for us both. I skepped breakfast and had to eat, take supps, etc.
I set the table and put my bags of supplements on the chair between us. We were facing each other that way for the chat we were about to have, which was appropriate and mostly about what he was going to do as he aged and what I would do as I decided what work I'd choose for myself. I will work. it's a matter of finding what that work will be.
The possibility of working together, perhaps building tiny homes on trailers was bantered about. Contractor said this was floated to him by someone else and he'd said no, bc the guy was a greedy, mean, pushy person.
I said...."I'm not, so think about it." I also took away he's not interested in doing every stitch of design/fabrication for an even split.
That was curious, bc thinking about things being fair is how I always frame things. My sense of justice wouldn't have it any other way, which is the pickle I'm struggling with concerning my father's caretaker. I'm not sure what's fair, but I'll figure it out. The turmoil comes from letting other people's idea squeeze on my idea.....and then I get defensive in mindset and all logic is lots for a while.
My idea of whats fair will be mine and it will be different than my sibs, IMO. Trying to come to an accord and agree isn't necessary and it's not likely possible, IMO.
So..... lunch with the contractor was great. I really like his wife, bc he talks about her all the time and in glowing terms.
I feel confident I'll be safe with sturdier and sturdier boundaries. I feel he;ll adjust to them and learn to be comfortable.....understand them, bc we do talk about them. His journey out of addiction and into recovery has informed his life. He's wise in ways I can't fathom. We're both listeners and eager to share ideas. It works really well, IMO. He has 7 grandchildren!!!!! OMG.... he's my age! Trerific sense of humor and his kindness toward Bee......... he's a good person. I know this.
Lighter
lighter:
The female investors maybe lost their funding after losing their initial contract feel through.... I think?
They aren't looking at our property, in any case.
I really didn't feel it would go through, truth be told. I never stopped working, but yesterday I felt very connected to house and everything in it, bc it might be gone soon. It's interesting how different it feels when it's not.
The bug guy thanked me for listening to his older album. Thanked me for looking up the one he made in May. Talked a bit about it being "heavier" and I asked "how could it not?"
He looked me in the eye during that exchange and I noticed how relieved I felt. I notice how it felt when he didn't. That's about me. Will tend to that. Maybe while filling those concrete cracks!
Lighter
lighter:
OK. The contractor pulled out the zero radius mower we could get started in the out building and showed me how to run it.
I DID run it, while he was looking, then it shut off, rather embarrisingly, when I turned downhill and found myself going too fast for comfort, hit the breaks and it sputtered out....... I'm sure we were both shocked and wide eyed. Contractor terrified watching me o the thing....... offering to cut the property, bc he doesn't want me harmed trying, etc.
So, the great huge thing sat in the yard all yesterday afternoon, evening and overnight, bc every
time
i
tried
to
mow
it shut down.
Over
and
over and
over
again.
And it didn't seem to have any rhyme or reason as to why. I'd done the exact same things to make it GO. Why was it shutting down?
Conractor texted this am to see how mowing went. I joked I couldn't move it an inch..... the girls said it was God sending me a powerful message about mowing. He's an uber Christian and thought that was very funny.
He came by this morning, close by bc working on another job, and started the thing. Ran it around, showing off...... sure it was ME not disengaging the parking break, but was it?
I hopped on and took off, going around the yard then onto the driveway.... I thought I heard the deck scrape the drive and stopped to raise it.... I know how to do that. When I raised the deck the thing sputtered out. Again. Contractor walked over and was puzzled. Again.
He I tried to start the thing, over and over and he had me get up. He sat down and started it right up. Same thing I was doing.
So...... about the time we suspected I didn't have enough weight in the seat to engage the weight switch consistently the thing puttered out on him, for no reason.
At least it's in the garage, safe until I get back from Atlanta. I have my ear protectors, gloves and hat on the seat waiting.
The reason contractor a little terrified for me is bc he knows baby girl pug is in the house.... could be terrible if she got out and under the mower, but also bc there's a lot of slope near the lake and he's unsure how a machine this big will run for anyone, much less a complete novice having trouble going 10 feet in a straight flat line.
OK, that's the yard.
Contractor and I went over kitchen sink improvements and backsplash install. To install over old tile or remove it. Sicne the tile was put in with the really sticky white stuff.... chances are we'd have to replace the sheetrock if we remove it. I have a piece of tile used in the second bathroom tile floor that is thin enough to be perfect installed over old tile. That's the plan there.
The sink, however, is a different matter. I wanted to replace the old triple sink with big dish drying area with a 500.00 double sink that's modern, sleek, deep and has those grates and fancy drains...... just a lovely thing, but the old sink is HUGE. So. Huge. We got up under it and noticed the counter was cut out under the drying area as well, which means it's staying.
That said, we're on septic so I'm having him remove the garbage disposal we were never allowed to use, bc my father would yell from his chair every time someone unfamiliar with the rule turned it on. Why did he put it in if we couldn't USE it? I'll never know, but there's a small centered sink JUST for the garbage disposal and the drain trim says In-Sink-Erator so decision made to remove the gd, the trim and to install a regular drain there.
I got a great deal on an instant hot water dispenser for the sink and it matches the faucet perfectly. Faucet cover will go over the existing 3 holes of current broke down dripping faucet, check.
If I don't put the instant hot water unit at my house, contractor will cut another hole in existing sink and put it there.
It's such a huge sink..... I think it would be cool to have it then we don't have to have a kettle, of any kind, for renters to mess with.
How to bullet proof everythign that can be bullet proofed?
The bedroom we've created out of a closet and office space will have a barn door installed at newly created bathroom entrance.
The one thing I'm not happy about is the placement of the light switch when entering the room in the dark. I'll lable it, perhaps put in a lighted switch, but it's on the other side of the closet on a different wall than the bedroom entrance is located on. It's odd, but I don't want to change it.
I can put a small console table to the side of the entrace door with a lamp. That would resolve that issue in my mind and provide a place to drop purse, wallet, change, etc. Something with drawers would be functional too.
I have lots of furniture and tables and lamps to select from.... beautiful things, tall things, short things, narrow things, large things I picked up at the re store and goodwill for 2 and 5 dollars........ some things are amazing and glorious so I'm excited about the process.
That my brother would rather get the renovation done, sans ANYTHING in the house, THEN make selections at retail stores for exactly what's needed is a difference in our styles. He's busy working while I have more time as I deal with my girls, the renovation and other projects....... I have the time while traveling to stop, find great deals, throw them in my truck and drop these things on the job site as I go back an forth. I have the door to close off down from upstairs waiting at the bottom of the stairs, where it's going to be installed after the upstairs renovation is complete. Once that's in, we can begin renting out the 3 bedroom, 3.5 bath upstairs as an entire house. Hopefully in the fall. I look forward to that. I can SEE it.
Brother said he has plans for the exterior. He's happier with the drive than he was. That will stay. It's the plants and planting really needs attention and I'm not feeling like tackling it. He said he is, but does he have time? I'm not sure about that.
I'd' hate to have the place ready to rent, but the landscaping is still where it is. Torn out, mostly and overgrown with weeds.
Not good photo op moments. Not special.
Once the kitchen sink is handled.....once the 3 pendant lights have been changed out...... the kitchen can be what it is till I get to painting the lower cabinets. I'd like to have a spray shop set up in the garage, which requires more work in that area.
I want to install 2 fans on the covered porch. Add party lights and I'm looking to source those now. SOmething festive but worth the time and expense. The ones on my back porch go out to quickly. Do LED lights last forever?
Lighter
lighter:
Brother say I should fill the mower's left tank,w hich is empty, and switch over to that tank.
Right now the right tank is full and the switch is in the correct place for that..... maybe something is wrong in that system to account for the shutting down problem.
Have to get ready to go South now: )
lighter:
Contractor came by and mowed today. Astonishing to have someone show up and BE competent without being a threat. I realize I'm not really used to it,but I always always have high expectations.
I saw my brother today....I thought he might be in the hospital...he's been silent, not answering the phone, not texting and I had really important questions to our mission. AC downstairs not working. I can't get the mower to work FOR ME. I needed something from him, needed to drop something to him....... and he was home.... looking pretty OK. A little glassy eyed.... you could tell he's not feeling 100%, but is up, dressed, moving around and working on a truck. Looking forward to going back to work on day 17 of his Covid odyssey. I think that's the plan.
Anyway, he told me I can adjust the tension in the mower's seat to it won't be so sensitive to my reduced weight..... it's set for him and his weight now. That would have been helpful to know before, but he's had Covid.
He also told me how to start the other zero turn mower...... would have been nice to know, but he's had Covid.
And he didn't make fun of my double mask and plastic yard gloves. I just can't get sick right now. I won't. He was very nice and very respectful, same as me to him and I'm very happy about that. I want to get to know him better.
His son is ghosting me, but then my oldest dd ghosts me too..... always had her phone on silent bc of work. She's changing that now. I hope my nephew does too.
I dropped my friend's glass off at her house, along with 6 supplements the NRP said she needed. She looked really good in a new outfit, but was weak as a kitten from a relapse. I don't think she's eating well so that's not going to change any time soon. I feel nothing about that. I hope she figures it out for herself. She's certainly smart enough AND she's excited her oldest ds will be visiting her tomorrow.... bringing his new gf to meet mom.
Since he was ghosting her, in a cruel fashion along with her dd....... she was devastated and crushed and sinking for a while. She looked brighter and better..... I think she's figured out she doesn't need her relationships with her kids to be ANYTHING for her to be OK.
She's still internalizing the lessons. She sees them again and again and they get more familiar. Easier to accept. Easier to put on the shelf.
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