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2021 Farm Log

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Phyll:
Sounds wonderful!

sKePTiKal:
I was soooo discombolated, scattered, air-headed yesterday. I was really tired, and didn't sleep overly well the first night. There was discussion of some serious relationship stuff, that first night and it was all so cozy and easy, when he got here. He had all that driving time to sort out what he wanted to tell me, I think. He is 100% direct about things, when he's made up his mind. And while I was feeling absolute peace... some subconscious part of my brain wanted to continue moving through the processing of all of that. That's what kept me awake.

We had a nice big, protein-dominant breakfast then I decided I wanted to go grill shopping. Steaks were cut Thursday, and while they'll hold for a couple days, I didn't want to wait too long. He's almost done putting the grill together even though we didn't really wake up till noon. His appt was moved from Monday to Tuesday - original doc came down with covid so there was schedule shuffling needed. I didn't want to wait till then, to get a grill & fire up an easy but favorite summer meal. (I need to get the corn prepped too.)

Took Hol her mail, and she suggested a studio chat... S was kinda down for the count, after getting his vaccine; better today...so we went down & hung out a bit. She and B had a really good beginning getting to know you, take you seriously, conversation. I thought. I was running on fumes by then and didn't have a whole lot to say. They both are natural talkers & story-tellers. So I was grateful that were getting on pretty well and I really didn't need to participate much. Just observe.

Realized today, I'm kinda having an overload of intimacy. I'm used to Hol's version of it now, but B's can be more intense in some ways. So I'm just having some alone time, prepping foil packets for dinner, and catching up online. It's helping. I'll adjust, eventually - but for now, there is no pressure. No anxiety. Just a peaceful Sunday evening. It's nice!!

lighter:
It's good and right to ask for and take whatever alone time you need, ime. 

My B was astonished and grateful when he asked for some alone time to read at the lake.  I said it was fine and he almost fell over with surprise and relief.  He'd never been allowed to have down time in relationships before.  I guess he expected me to direct allll his time?

So not how I want to live my life.  Ever.  Just make sure you're comunicaring....new word.  Sounds like you and B are doing just fine.

Make my steak mdm rare, please!

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
:D

sKePTiKal:
Well, yesterday had a happy ending.

Both of us were as anxious and worried and trying to dot i's, cross t's and to make it clear why B was seeking an appointment and treatment so far, from where he lives. Old hospital still can't follow directions; they sent incomplete records. I was already familiar with that maze of a hospital, from when Mike's mom was there a lot - and my job at University. In fact, Drs' office was in the old large classroom suite of one of my academic departments. We did a quick drive by on Saturday - so B wouldn't worry about being in the right place on time. Also was able to meet Autumn, as she was leaving work after the appt. That was pretty fun.

Doc was very nice, and when I interrupted to clarify something he'd quickly rattled off to B, he wasn't dismissive of me or my advocating for him. It WAS an important point - about whether he talking about options, or if he was recommending X treatment/management in this case or whether there was anything else that could be considered. The NP was most likable, and having been in the Navy too - helped put B at ease. Today we're waiting for a phone call about going back in for a couple image tests. There was a moment of awkward silence and us staring at each other, when we were asked just who I was. LOLOLOL. Oops we didn't plan for that question. B was just gonna call me his "advocate". Which is a nice functional title - but not needed in this hospital.

I guess we haven't had that talk yet. Everything else under the sun, mind you. But we're both dancing around trying to name, categorize, polish up & brand what our relationship "is" - despite the fact, we both know exactly what this is - just minus the social conventions. I coulda said I was his Shield Maiden...   LOLOLOLOL. I do believe the NP woulda got it.

Now we just gotta get his hearing aids fixed or changed to something that doesn't use up a battery an hour and drive him mad with too much noise. This process will take some time to go thru. Meanwhile, we're starting to talk about some of the logistics of that process and how to make it easier.

--------------------------- ETA:

So, I suggested the silly about "shield maiden" - and B laughed; said whatever I wanted was fine with him, SMaiden worked for him. Then he thought a minute and then said, and when we get past all this move & medical stuff - I can find a norse pagan officiant (I can't pronounce it much less spell it) and we can make it as official as we want. Neither of us feels any need or reason for the gov't sanctioned paper or recognition. And to the best of my knowledge we both have already set up all the end of life stuff and none of the potential changes that might be necessary (maybe his health POA) would be hindered by any lack of gov/legal recognition of our relationship.

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