Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2021 Farm Log
Hopalong:
Awww. What a happy scene (ironically) to read about -- you two at the doc's.
The NP sounds like a very good egg and that must be a real relief to B. Not to mention how much better it must feel to him to have an SMaiden in his corner!
Yay, hooray! One of the most obvious benefits of having a committed partner, someone who really has your back.
This sounds so honeymoony, Amber. Or very near it.
Take your tiiiiiiiiime and drag it out, this is such a sweet season.
Giggling-happy for you over here!
hugs
Hops
lighter:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on August 04, 2021, 11:04:47 AM ---Well, yesterday had a happy ending. Hee. I live with a teenager. It's habit.
Both of us were as anxious and worried and trying to dot i's, cross t's and to make it clear why B was seeking an appointment and treatment so far, from where he lives. Old hospital still can't follow directions; they sent incomplete records. Why would they behave like competent professionals at this stage? To be expected, I guess. I was already familiar with that maze of a hospital, from when Mike's mom was there a lot - and my job at University. In fact, Drs' office was in the old large classroom suite of one of my academic departments. We did a quick drive by on Saturday - so B wouldn't worry about being in the right place on time. So helpful to reduce stress, IMO. Good idea.Also was able to meet Autumn, as she was leaving work after the appt. That was pretty fun.
Doc was very nice, and when I interrupted to clarify something he'd quickly rattled off to B, he wasn't dismissive of me or my advocating for him. It WAS an important point - about whether he talking about options, or if he was recommending X treatment/management in this case or whether there was anything else that could be considered. SO important and easier to do aftre the fact. Well done, Amber. This kind of proactive participation will help move things along more quickly IF they can be moved more quickly, IME. I hope B appreciates your economy of motion participation. The NP was most likable, and having been in the Navy too - helped put B at ease. Sometimes allies present themselves out of the blue. YES.Today we're waiting for a phone call about going back in for a couple image tests. There was a moment of awkward silence and us staring at each other, when we were asked just who I was. LOLOLOL. Oops we didn't plan for that question. B was just gonna call me his "advocate". Which is a nice functional title - but not needed in this hospital. Can't you just say WIFE for reasons of simplifying this process? Or maybe have B sign a limited POA over medical issues/decisions? Having been through medical tragedy as a girlfriend, and suffering snide comments from docs and worse....... it's just easier to figure out how to avoid it up front, IME.
I guess we haven't had that talk yet. Everything else under the sun, mind you. But we're both dancing around trying to name, categorize, polish up & brand what our relationship "is" - despite the fact, we both know exactly what this is - just minus the social conventions. I coulda said I was his Shield Maiden... LOLOLOLOL. I do believe the NP woulda got it.
Now we just gotta get his hearing aids fixed or changed to something that doesn't use up a battery an hour and drive him mad with too much noise. I wonder if his brain will adjust to them as quickly as my eyes adjusted to glasses? Not quickly, btw, but now I have vision at every distance AND can still take the glasses off when my brain needs a break. It's sort of a middle ground of adjusting I can live with. Good luck with it, LighterThis process will take some time to go thru. Meanwhile, we're starting to talk about some of the logistics of that process and how to make it easier.
--------------------------- ETA:
So, I suggested the silly about "shield maiden" - and B laughed; said whatever I wanted was fine with him, SMaiden worked for him. Then he thought a minute and then said, and when we get past all this move & medical stuff - I can find a norse pagan officiant (I can't pronounce it much less spell it) and we can make it as official as we want. Neither of us feels any need or reason for the gov't sanctioned paper or recognition. And to the best of my knowledge we both have already set up all the end of life stuff and none of the potential changes that might be necessary (maybe his health POA) would be hindered by any lack of gov/legal recognition of our relationship.
--- End quote ---
sKePTiKal:
Internet really slow today. So short update.
We are waiting for call re: appts for ekg and mri. Stress (B's) is climbing, and there is a physical component to it - pain. I've made a couple suggestions for experiments to try. Staying busy in the meantime. I got him hooked on Game of Thrones too. :D Anything to stop the ruminating/obsessing on how long the gov has kept him in waiting mode for things that were supposed to be approved already; or approval for medically urgent simple procedures.
I'm starting to think there is something else to that, beneath the surface, too. But I'm just observing for the moment. Staying grounded in me and what I know about things - especially the medical people at this hospital. They are a pretty class act. Taking things around here at a comfortable pace, nothing absolutely HAS to happen - it's not life or death - by any particular time.
Things have gone OK interacting with S, too. So far. Hol will be back the weekend, work a couple days next week again, and then home getting ready for her group to come visit.
Ya know, I'm finding this older relationship stuff to be very different than even what middle-age romance was. Different things become important. Financial stability matters so much when raising kids -- and just isn't part of the equation later on. Even the things one finds "romantic" and interesting becomes more.... flexible? expansive? simpler? I'm not entirely sure yet. But I like it. :D
He's sensitive to not disrupting my routine - but a slave to his own physical demands, that can put us out of sync. He's also a guy... with those typical, lifelong guy habits... the things can drive a woman who's a stickler for "just so" in her life mad. I find a lot of those little things don't bother me as much now.
Hopalong:
This just all sounds so...normal.
Human.
Accomodating.
Observing.
Curious.
Accepting.
Loving.
I'm soooooo tickled for you, Amber.
And for B too.
GREAT idea to get him absorbed in GoT!
(I've never watched it. Maybe subconsciously saving it for a delta lockdown winter.)
So glad he's there with you.
And hope that after this two weeks, you'll:
--know when he's coming back for good
--feel great about him coming back for good
Mega hugs,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
I felt great about this time, Hops! ;) Different, mind you. And that unsettled me some, but not enough to get cold feet.
It's all peaches & ice cream here. Doing, but not at a breakneck pace. Mostly just being. Figuring out the minutiae - without talking about it, thinking about it, just being in the space and breathing. It's all good. But for sure, I'm starting to think more about how things are different over 60 - not the physical stuff, but lots of other things too. It's all a jumble of ideas & images right now... but I think the words will be there, if I attempt to order them at some point.
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