2021 Farm Log

[Hopalong]

Wiiiiiise crone.

Y'all are going straight from texting to sharing a home, as you weren't able to have a nice actual drawn-out in-person getting-to-know-you thing (a la Judith Sills). So maybe in a way it'd be nice to acknowledge that despite the recognition and intimacy you've built over computers, phone and texting...how about granting yourselves a long slow period to recognize what it's like to really be together?

I like your realism and wise cronehood instincts. Trust them and don't fear. You have nothing to prove to anybody, just one day at a time to live and enjoy and learn from.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Hops, I'm not busy enough right now. LOL.  Feelings are sneaking through!! The "stuff to do" doesn't matter - coz B isn't "company". He will help me and it will be fun. We fit together like that. B has been here 3 times. There was a lot more intimacy built in each sucessively longer visit than what just happens digitally. I just don't have words - yet. I'm proposing we don't "do" anything for the first weekend - just be together. Waiting on a response. He's busted his butt this week and needs to rest, so I have hope he'll see the sense in that suggestion.

Phyll - I lived in Kitty Hawk, NC for 6 years. I know sandy soil. My experience was nothing grows in it. I even did raised, lined beds. Everything flowered; but didn't set fruit. It's made me less confident in what I think I know, now that I'm back "home" in the rocky soils of the mountains. The salty environment likely had a good bit to do with that. The problem was compost, fertilizer, water all drained too quickly from the soil and evaporation was another factor. I'm relearning right now.

If you have wildflowers, try herbs - the perennials. That'll make beekeeping more successful. I'm also going to try a hoop house or walapini. Mainly to extend my growing season which is over end of Oct/early November for things like leeks & brussel sprouts. Every year is different here. I've seen 70 degrees on Christmas Eve. And snow on Halloween. So, one starts to read the weather & microclimate in your "spot" closer. I'm journaling (when I remember) and paying super-close attention to my soil. Everything works better with healthy soil. And still one is going to have failures and issues, even when devoting all your attention and adapting as fast as possible to conditions. It's just a fact of this lifestyle. That's one reason I encouraged the kids to start growing too. Redundancy - and their different location in the bottom of the hollar and methods (not much different; we're all organic) - could make/break a season.

Heat is my bane. Much over 80, especially with humidity, and you can write off my physical oomph. My body functions better at -25 than it does at 85. My theory is it's because I grew up with Lake Effect off Erie, MI & Superior. And maybe some DNA. But it's just a theory. This lifestyle requires paying attention to nature, intuition, hard manual labor, knowing what to do when... and working when you don't want to. Sigh. I'm relearning all those lessons. LOLOL.

[Phyll]

Skep I live in Wisconsin.  I know about Lake Michigan's lake affect snow.  I will think about the herbs, good idea.  Have you tried drip irrigation?  We have all the tanks and supplies, but as you said nothing seems to grow in the sand.  Also  considering aquaponics. Looking at small scale for now, tomatoes and lettuce. I don't even know if I will be here in the spring!

Do you have a new love interest?  That sounds exciting.  Glad you plan to take things slow.

[sKePTiKal]

Yeah I know about the irrigation methods. We get enough rain most years - and my soil here in the mountains actually retains moisture (compost compost compost) because there's a decent percentage of clay in that location. And my lazy-gardener technique of letting the weeds grow - it's like mulch - slows the evaporation rate and keeps the roots a bit shaded & cooler.

Lesson one of gardening for me, was the soil's importance and how to improve it so that irrigation or frequent watering isn't needed. And to keep replenishing it. I plant right in the earth (yes, I still have beds that I "raise" by hand digging). I still need to test the soil, however. It takes 5 years to build a new garden from scratch - and despite being here 5 years; the garden is a lot younger.

I had to sit down for a bit. More rain just starting and I have been completely forgetting stuff I still want to do. For me - and some for B. He's packing; leaving in about 12-15 hours. And it's an 8 hr drive. I usually have to help navigate for him; he doesn't know how far or what the next road number is he's looking for. LOLOL. It helps me find him on the atlas, if I know where he is. But sometimes he doesn't. LOLOLOL.

His new docs just got all his complete med records, today. For Monday's first appt.

[lighter]

I'm very happy to read your updates, Amber.  You following B's journey sounds so right: )

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Well, he's on the road. See how he does driving in daylight this time.
I sure didn't sleep very long. But I'm pretty relaxed and calm still. Heat wave seems to have broken, but yesterday was a mess. Couldn't maintain focus and everything seemed harder than it needed to be.

Still have a couple little things to do before I make cookies. We had a nice shower this morning, so the humidity is something else. Weatherman assures me that this will clear off and humidity drop and it's supposed to be a gorgeous weekend.

Just before I called it a day, I figured out what was so hard about the day yesterday. My personal space is going to have another person in it again for a few weeks. And since I'm a bit tired, I don't wanna share. Just want to do what I want to do, the way I want to do it... and everyone else can take a flying leap at a rolling donut. There's this little whiny feeling - that sense of loss of privacy - that's trying to justify negative feelings, and turn my (otherwise) natural excitement to "blah... I don't wanna". Hmmmmph.

For whatever reason, I've been noticing this about myself lately but it hasn't been verbally coherent. I don't do this all the time anymore. But I do it enough, that Hol's pointed it out a couple of times. I know how I got in the habit of it. So, I'm making a big deal this morning out of doing what the whiny inner twerp wants for a few more hours than has been my wont the past couple weeks. (You want THIS? OK. Here ya go. The time limit is till _____. Pay attention, enjoy yourself, take a break.) I AM tired, because I'm not sleeping long. And there are multiple reasons for that - but I don't have someone pulling my strings right now or needing anything of me - so ya know, I think I know the person who needs to do something about that. It's like I've been putting my actual inner needs last on the list of all this "busy doing" list. Again. Jeez, I know better than that.

I don't think B is gonna be upset because the cookies are still cooling and I'm cleaning up the kitchen when he is due to arrive. Ya know? Get off the road to fresh, navy-strength coffee and fresh out of the oven cookies? C'mon now... the only better "man bait" is bacon.  LOLOLOLOLOLOL

"Kissin' don't last; cookin' do."

Hol will be around this weekend some before going to work. We haven't planned any joint activities but both kids are going into town today and she's gonna drop off a couple things here that my distracted & spaced out brain forgot TWICE, on two separate gathering runs. No clue on the timing of that; doesn't matter. It's how we live around here.

[lighter]

Well.....sharing your space with B will be new and there will be adjustments, no doubt.  Maybe you'll end up with separate bedrooms.  Maybe you'll require alone the regularly or now and again.  You'll figure it out.

I can smell those cookies baking....oatmeal?

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Yep; oatmeal raisin (regular & golden) & craisins & nuts. Sorta a granola cookie. 

Yes also to the alone time. This is actually already built into our long-distance interaction, whether from being busy or just needing some space. He's fine if I wander off for some hours, even a day or two of inner retreat and just do my own thing. It's not like living with Mike. While it's fine to have learned lessons from prior relationships, I still struggle with the prior experiential part of being with someone and expecting the old stuff of day to day to return in the same way. B IS different; we're different; I'm different. That "normal" of the past, had it's good moments for sure. But it was unique to the relationship and there was friction over some of the things.

There's going to be something that causes friction in this one too; it's just people being people - but it's probably going to be DIFFERENT things. It could be minor; it could be serious. Don't know till it happens. Especially since B isn't the psyche/emotional type I've tended to connect with in the past. When I'm expecting the old pattern/friction to resurface - he surprises the hell out of me. With something new; unique to how he sees the "us"... and what he wants, which has been explicitly stated as equal standing between us. Even though the things of importance to us as individuals may not be equal - our need or desire to fulfill those IS. And it's usually stuff we've each been self-sufficent in, in the past.

OK, I have an agenda of things that were on my list but haven't been done yet... so ONWARDS. I'm hoping to have some hours of downtime, too. So I might be back. Who knows?

[Hopalong]

I think independent bedrooms with full (or at least negotiable) overnight visiting rights are a godsend as folks get older. Some cozy BR nook somewhere can be a saving grace for older folks' relationships, imo.

I think the BIGGEST thing B will need for his first week after all he's been doing is....sleep. Rest. Minimal agendas or plans. Freedom to just be. Stare at a duck. Putter in a shop. Whatever slowly floats his boat.

I think you need that too. You've been mentally matching him all the way and your own preparations have been tiring, too.

Cluck. Cluck.

Just rest. Cookies and cuddles and peace.

Huge hugs, so happy he's on his way!!! (Open them stones.......)

Hops

[sKePTiKal]

With rest, stretch, fuel & potty breaks, this trip is just over 14 hours. He's not here yet, but he IS getting real close. I think we'll need to have a conversation about the big, final move. He's not doing this without an overnight about halfway, again. And if he'll let me, he's not doing it alone.

ETA: He's HERE. Bye now....

[Twoapenny]

Aw, Skep, I'm so happy for you   Have a lovely, tremendous, enjoyable time.  I'm so glad he's there xx

[lighter]

14 hours. 

With his back.

B's a legend.

I hope he's feeling OK, Amber.

::Waving toward you guys::.

Finally.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

And then we stayed up and talked while he got off the road. A little bit of everything - because neither one of us could hold a train of thought for long. (I'd gotten up at 6 am, after only about 4 hrs of sleep.) He was asleep about 30 seconds after his head hit the pillow and has only been up/down once to let Freddy in. It was his snoring that put me to sleep; it's soft. Quiet. Gentle.

The only thing we know for sure is on today's agenda is more coffee and breakfast. We're just winging it. His appointment got moved to Tues. afternoon. I think that'll work out even better. Everything else can wait.

[lighter]

New doc appts are exciting....but reason for concern, ime.

I have the feeling answers are on the way.  I pray they're solutions.  No more doc created problems, please.

B's landing sounds really good.  Soft breathing noises make me sleepy too.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Bless you both.

Angel wings over house. Soft air, quiet peace.

Oh I'm so happy for you two.

Do nothing. Breathe. Let the deep peace in.

SOOO so so.

hugs hugs happies,
Hops