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DD18 seeing nutritional response practitioner (NRP)

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sKePTiKal:
Lighter, particularly with adult children, I'm coming to the conclusion that while Hol & my's relationship has left the parent-child era, some parts of that are going to linger; it's just built-in. We still do-se-do when one or both of us bump against it.

And most importantly, I've learned that to be of any use to her, while she's sorting out deeper self-issues or adult life challenges, I MUST take care of myself. Including protecting my energy, my head-heart space, and my physical energy. I have to be the best "me" I can be. And a good bit of that for me - is making sure I'm devoting at least an equal amount of energy to my inner work and the people and things I have going in MY life.

She displays the strong, overt "need to be needed" tendency; but she's also aware of it and trying to work through it, mostly on her own. Time apart, as opposed to covid enforced quarantine, is good for us. Making her own money again, is good for her self-respect - though she's immensely grateful I was in a position to financially get her through that year & a half employment drought.  What she was going through when she landed here, was as deep & thorough as a mid-life crisis. She's rethought and refined just about everything she believed about herself. And that process continues - as she's realized that you don't just get to adulthood, and then you're as developed as you're ever going to be and life is perfect. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. She sees that as continuing to grow & learn. Some of her friends, have found this a really unpleasant, disillusioning reality.

It's - most of the time - pretty cool to watch her transform herself. Reversing her judgements & conclusions made in the throes of early adulthood chaos. She's even coming to peace with going from the "maid" stage - skipping "mother" - to "crone". And that transition hasn't been TOO ugly, though I know it was difficult for her. She's not there yet; too full of energy still for accomplishing things. It's just the items on the list have changed.

B and I have talked about this alot too; his D is 19. And he's been the over-protective and restrictive Daddy; making all her decisions for her. I've finally gotten through his instinct to keep her safe and doing the best she can do, to get him to see that creates more vulnerability and sends the message that he's not confident in her ability to take care of herself. Not all kids go through a rebellious stage; it's not in their nature. But he needs to completely let go of her choices - voice his opinion, sure; make suggestions, sure - but let go control. They learn fastest and more permanently if they are allowed to make their own mistakes and learn from them. And even that philosophy isn't right for ALL kids, all the time.

He's doing a lot better with that now.

Twoapenny:
I'm glad you've got a keyboard, Lighter, I can't imagine typing all of that with one finger!  Bless you.  It is hard to step back from the kids being your priority, especially when you've had so much to cope with on your own as well.  I think we often get into that 'I'll do everything' mode because we have to, but it's hard to know when and where that needs to stop (or reduce), especially when they're still dealing with problems of their own.  I'm glad you're all getting there, in your own ways, doing the things you need to do xx

lighter:
 Tupp:

Making the kids our priority....that's a touchy one for me and I suspect for you.  We didn't have a choice, for years.  That's why our kids are doing as well as they are..... it had to be that way. I don't think it's possible to explain to people who didn't live that way, or experience it first hand for many years. 

Now..... it's blurred.  I see where self care and proper boundaries are better, more helpful, the right course to take.... now.  Now that I have the time, energy and ability....... and the will to learn how..... the Will to unlearn how I've been living, which is tricky stuff, IME.

Amber:  I suspect you're right about this being tricky stuff, without end, with adult children. 

I just got off the phone with my brother and I noticed the general slide into the past legal troubles, mostly regarding real estate theft and getting screwed by a Trustee purchasing property through a straw man...I thought it was my FILagain, but it wasn't...... I wonder if brother had simply validated it for me, what happened is likely still happening behind closed doors with the good'ol boy system in place (as far as us being denied permits and anything else we rely on the county for) AND my In Laws working against us alwas...... would I, COULD I have risen above it and skipped the spiral?  I feel pretty OK now,but there was mad pacing around the house as we spoke.  I pace madly when I'm holding myself back, not speaking my truth, being marginalized, patted on the head....... and honestly....... the problem is how I handle it.  Not that I'm marginalized or patted on the head.  I know this is true.

I lived the truth.  It's in my bones and nervous system.  I don't have to have the understanding of those who don't get it, though frankly I don't understand how my brother could NOT get it.  He just doesn't. He doesn't live under the same understanding bc he's never been crushed by it, held there, forced to fight through it with both hands tied behind his back, paying SO MUCH MONEY..... he's pretty  much always fought on an even playing field and not been consistently stolen from for years while everyone patted him on the head an TOLD HIM HE NEEDED TO LET IT HAPPEN.... it was good for him. It would end things sooner, even if it really meant 10 or 16 more court battles, sans the ability to use the hard won evidence given up at the last settlement agreement, weakening his ability to fight the next batch of battles, but hey..... it's a great reason to stay OUT of the court system, we both agree.  I had no choice.  I'm not sure he understands that completely.

OK, now I'm back in fight or flight,but I'm noticing it.  Taking stock of it.... how it feels, what it would mean to shift back out again...... and be out from under the weight.

I was holding my breathe...... I have to really focus on breaathing now....... interesting. 

The moss is moist and happy.  Perfect to blow or vacuum twigs and small things from.

I think I'd like to go and do that for a while.

I have a sticking point that keeps me in the kitchen right now.  DD18 shared her fear regarding the damage she may have done to her body.....functions.... digestion... going to the bathroom normally again,  particularly damaging nerves.  There's a name for it, but it's escaping me just now. 

I read up on it last night and told her flat out she's going to do what is suggested to HEAL these problems...... including getting her heart rate up daily, eating flax and chia seeds, etc........ no more wishy washy letting her lead on this and I really do think she wants me to put my foot down.

I'm WITH her a lot.  For a reason.  I'll ask her what she thinks she should do, but I'm not letting her make choices that slow the healing process.......if you guessed she's wants to see a gastrointerologist... fears she needs to have some of her guts cut out BEFORE trying her hardest to heal herself with good food and choices..... you'd be right. 

And that makes me angry. 

Just like DD20 desiring to have gastric bypass surgery as a quick fix to her problems makes me angry. 

There are no quick fixes.  There's more damage and harming the body....... shoved down our throats as healing. 

They can't wave a magic scalple and fix leaky gut, beaten down gut flora and organs saturated and overwhelmed with toxins. 

I know how nutsy that looks to read.

I don't really care right now. I know it's the truth in my bones and mabe it's the girl's DNA......... their father and his father are more sensitive to food and insulin resistence and that's a tough thing I never had to deall with before I had kids.

The eating disorders complicates the simplicity of eating whole, clean foods.  Oldest won't touch anything DD18 and I eat right now  I watched DD18 speak to DD20 with compassion last night.... ask her to join us (like we're a cult) and DD20 had a big NO! push back response I ignored completely.... didn't comment or look up.  Not once.

For F's sake...... there has got to be a lesson in all this for me.  It seems like similar lessons just keep coming up, again and again.

And I need to change my responses. 

::thinking about what it would look like to take myself completely out of the adult equation for the girls::.

To just let them go....
even as I plan to hold DD18's nose to the grindstone with regard to choices.....
I feel pushed and pulled to DO for DD18.  She wants me to lead then she wants to be grown up then back again.

And I care.

Too much.

Now is the time for me to step back, forget the history, and figure out what's best for us all NOW.

I stretched and left my arms and one leg extended, tense.....thinking about the attorneys an Trustee who got away with stealing and almost stealing MORE from my children...... and I release the tension and dissect it in words.

It's a physical thing, but it's created by my thoughts.  It shows up in my body immediately, which is alarming, but my nervous system is doing pretty good right now.  Shifting down and out of fight or flight.  I have the space to shift in and out of observer mode.

And I can't say there's only negative experience when I picture justice.... even some veangence.... holding the criminals accountable.  It FEEEELS pretty good to experience that rush of anger.... beginning the process of finding other people the attorneys have cheated an stolen from as Trustees an pretend realtors/stawman buyers. THAT is NOW very familiar to me.  I've proven it before, Iknow how to do it again. 

But it's time I could spend with my family.  Time I could spend in the moss.  Time I could avoid being thwarted in the good'ol boy system where the bad guys always win, even if you prove your case an "win."  I don't want to do that any more.  I know that, but the point is.... there are things I get from going ro0und an round with those thoughts. 

I haven't quite accepted, without reservation, the fact of letting go is better than hanging on in every single imaginative way.

Young Lighter will just have to trust me on this one.  She's pretty sure veangence could feel better than choosing serenity and peace.  I have to look at that with her.

My brother says "it's all behind you now....they can't hurt you now" and I know that's not real.  And it's OK.  I'll fight the dragons when I have to.  Like I always have.  The worst dragons are getting quite old, by now.  The dragons in crime don't have the same committment or shame in getting caught, which they were...... they don't have the same grudges or feelings of entitlement..... or so I think.

Whatever it is..... it's time for leaning into the present.  Letting the past go.  No leaning into the future as way of BEING.

And so..... what is best for everyone now?

My lips purse and my head shakes back an forth as I ponder Western doctors........ which may be where this goes, but it feels very wrong in so many ways.

::going to grind flax and chia seeds for DD18 and myself::.

Lighter

Hopalong:
Got a simple recipe for chia pudding, Lighter?

hugs
Hops

lighter:
I'm afraid I've never made a chia seed pudding that didn't have the texture of a frog egg glob, Hops.  I might work on a recipe tasting good enough to make the effort worthwhile,  but I carmelized 12 lbs of organic meatballs last night.  Filling the fridge and freezer with easy to grab protein is priority today. Aldi's dark chocolate, with almonds, in the purple wrapper is getting us through our sweets craving right now.

Update on NRP.....

Tested FINE on myself:

The chocolate flavored Sweet Leaf brand Sweetdrop stevia liquid, in the dropper bottle.  I use these with 4th & HEART brand GHEE clarified Butter with Himalayan Pink Salt to bring back some comfort in dinking coffee AGAIN.  I had to find a replacement for whole milk and plain stevia that DIDN'T leave me despairing.  This is my go to combo.
BODYHEALTH PERECT GREENS Formula organic superfood powder. DD18 and I figured out lemon juice, lemon peel, a huge handful of Thai Basil and frozen blueberries, along with the PERFECT GREENS, ice and water make a fabulous warm weather icy drink.  Maybe add a little stevia if it's too sour.  SO GOOD!
ALDI's Dark chocolate with almonds (purple wrapper) they sell plain as well. A little piece of Laura Secord sugar free dark chocolate was in the bag, so I believe that tests OK too.  The blue wrapper one.

Garlic Salt tested fine.


______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


TESTED BAD:

SIETE GRAIN FREE TORTILLA CHIPS, made from cassava. The ingredient list looks clean enough, but cassava turns to sugar in the body and NTP says cassava often raised in countries without quality control.  OFF the table. Interesting to note there was a day we wouldn't touch these chips. NOW they seem like delicacies. I was really hoping they'd test OK.  DRAT!

RUSSEL STOVER SUGAR FREE CHOCOLATEs with caramel and nuts tested like rat poison.  They're SO GOOD tasting. Really bummed about that.  I used to bring them to my type II diabetes father on holidays. 

Paprika, which we love, tested poorly on both of us.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NRP said chocolate cravings can indicate Magnesium deficiency,which was the case for DD18 who's taken to snarfing down dark chocolate like crazy.  This is alarming, bc she doesn't even like dark chocolate.  When testing KREBS Magnesium Potassium Bioactive Mineral Complex on DD.... it wasn't what her body wanted.  We already had this, so brought it.
Standard Process Magnesium Lactate Dietary Supplement was what her body wanted. 
NRP prescribed Gymnema Supplement to curb the cravings for sweets. DD plans to take these at bedtime, bc they actually go very bitter in the mouth and render the tastebuds unable to taste sweet things.  It works, bc we gave them to my friend and tried them a couple weeks ago.

I had a great appointment.... NRT said one more visit like that and I can move to every other week, instead of weekly visits.

I posted a bit about my general strength, energy levels, ability to think clearly improving a good deal.  Also, my ability to remain level improved.  Less or zero reactivity where there used to be a lot. 

A very recent peaceful tranquility has decended on me.   I'm curious about it lasting or shifting into something else.... going away, etc.  No expectations.  Only gratitude and amazement rigth now.  I've never experienced anything like it.

::trying to close off open nostril an breathe through closed off nostril::

SO.
Noisy. 
And I feel like I'm suffocating.

DD's system was switched at this appointment,  so NRP took her through the one nostril breathing.  I was sitting right there, so participated too.  Again, so loud and NRP asked me to please stop...... and I did.  It was somewhat embarrassing,but now she believes me when I tell her how difficult it is for me. NRP's other patients experiencing huge shifts in anxiety when practicing this  for 10 super slow breaths.  I will try more often.... see if I can't catch my nose at the right time, more often.

DD18 super messed up from Russell Stover Candies, but at least we know what's causing it.  Have plan to address it.  NRP assured DD her digestive tract and organs will heal, can be healed, but she must tend to them mindfully.  Trying to reassure DD she can heal herself without Gastro doc. 

I've shifted out of the whiney/angry/sobby state..... such a relief.  I'm feeling strong, zero cravings, eating better is easier, become habit, I've found replacements for things I really missed.  I've never had to feel all this before, bc I didn't have the bandwidth to do so last time I made these choices.  I have full vision of the field and this is apparent all the time in my life.  I wonder how Icould have evere allowed X, Yor Z to upset me.  Just a new perspective I'm enjoying very much.  It occurs to me THISmight be what sociopaths feel all the time..... just very level, no matter what. 

Having meatballs made ahead, kept in fridge and freezer is very helpful.  DD LOVES them.  I combine turkey, beef and bison...garlic salt, a little oregano and garlic powder.... 2 eggs for 3 or 4 lb batches.  Pepper.  They're best when heated in a pan, like most things are.
Cooking a big pan of veggies ahead, to grab and go, is helpful.  DD adores zucchini an English peas.  I'll eat anything, in any state.  Cold.  Room temp.  Warmed lovingly in a pan..... doesn't matter right now. I just want to keep moving forward.

I purchased little Japanese stackable food containers for all the travel we do..... ZOE's Kitchen has chicken and shrimp kebabs with veggies that do in a pinch, if we can find Zoe's.  I'm not keen on purchasing roasted organic chickens and salads from the grocrey stores to eat while on the road, but if we skip lunch on the days we travel, end up feeling starved. Still figuring this out.

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