My inner cavewoman salutes yours, sister Mouse.
Hair has represented class and beauty throughout history in many cultures. But at the same time, there's implied luxury in having the time and supplies one would need to create those well-dressed tresses. Looking back, I wish I'd rejected the toxic chemicals I rubbed into my skin -- especially hair color.
I absolutely comprehend that there is joy and playfulness within playing with appearance, and I can celebrate those too. I love color, fabric and creativity. But way too often for my comfort, that playfulness morphs into pressure, and twists women's self esteem from a young age. That I dislike intensely. Little girls stuggle with eating disorders at 10, some cut their bodies to release the pain they carry.
I miss having what was accidentally (iow, biological quirk) beautiful thick hair when I was young. It gave me advantage points in the unspoken competition for males, or positive approval from adults when I was little, or a confidence in being viewed, stepping out, etc. EXTERNALLY I was "good", not due to any quality of character.
Like facial features or anything else physical my hair was pure biological accident. What I've always disliked about the "beauty pressure" in our culture is the way it separates woman from woman and awards "pretty points" that unjustly exclude those who for physical or economic or any other reasons, can't focus on the never-ending search for beauty. Plus, I loathe the whole industry that begins when we are tiny to tell us our female bodies aren't okay as they are and we're supposed to be self-conscious about how we look every day of our lives. Black girls have it double.
Had I money to waste, I'd look better I'm sure -- I'd have services and products and appointments and massages and as much feminine ease as I wanted. But since I don't, I don't. Saves time to keep it simple but I doubt I'll ever be fully free of a thread of tension over various appearance things.
Over many years I've found step by step that it's more fulfilling to focus on other kinds of beauty -- the beauty of other humans old or young, nature, animals, interactions that are loving and not assessing.
Almost as good as caffeine, a nice morning rant. Whew.
hugs
Hops