Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
mental health
Hopalong:
So! I apologize for inflicting my processing here (dark events thread) but wanted to say I've weathered it for now and am better in the last day or so. I do think we all need safe spaces to express our pain, dismay, confusion or sorrow, regardless of where we are in the sacred privacy of a voting booth. YMMV on that and I don't want to rock the norms that let everyone feel safe and comfortable here, so please forgive me if I've distressed anyone. I'll try to stop referencing outer world stuff as best I can.
Some of my heart feeling better can be chalked up to getting re-involved in doing something constructive for community: https://www.vtvnetwork.org/
It feels both exciting and comforting to be in at the ground level. I'm also trying to bring in a few others who may want to join the board or the wider group) -- we just might launch in about a year.
As was true with the refugees effort, I feel better when I'm not just focused on myself. And with this work, there are regular meetings and I do feel valued. My church peers often (unintentionally I'm sure) made me feel taken for granted.
Anyhow, wanted to share what's getting me through and hope all of us are finding that passage. Would love to hear.
hugs, off to Zoom with T...
Hops
lighter:
I'm glad you found something you feel builds you up AND gives back, Hops.
Such a worthy cause and you have so much to offer.
Lighter
PS I responded to this post, at greater length, and it's just gone.
Hopalong:
Sorry, this is the poem I videoed for the benediction. When I read it aloud, slowly, it changes how I feel. Every time.
Hugs, Hops
The Peace of Wild Things by Wendell Berry
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
Hopalong:
I've got a good load of things to talk to my T about this week. Sometimes, given how longwinded I am, it's hard to fit them into 55 minutes. So thought I'd try condensing part of it here, kind of outlining it in order to organize my thoughts before we talk.
Good News: May sound silly but this is biiig. My "paralysis" and ADD-associated (though maybe it's also been unrecognized depression-associated) clutter and disorder at home has changed in an unexpected way. When I randomly thought about trying the SAD light anew the other morning -- now I am worried I already told y'all this but whatev -- I just did it, and the whole day was amazing. I tidied up and finished things and put away stuff and just stayed in a positive, productive mood all day long. I didn't recognize myself. I ate healthy food and was more active and just felt more alive.
I felt a connection to my home that was happy and loving. In some weird way it was like being loving to myself. I feel as though it was a big and surprising breakthrough, my brain's response to the light. Circadian and more.
So I used the light again yesterday with the same energy result and this morning too, and I'm going to keep it up. It's SO extreme, the contrast. Inescapable. In a funny way, I'm also wondering if having that patio rebuilt was a giant act of self care. ??? Seems to have jogged something loose. I still read and wrote and did lots online, but every time I took a break I DID things that needed doing, from laundry to food to dog etc.
The SAD light seems to affect me in a very direct and dramatic way now --moreso than I've felt it before, though it always "worked" to a degree. All of it positive.
I would donate a toe if I could keep this uplifted, different feeling, but I know not to have too many expectations. I could be having mood shifts for other brain reasons I'm not clear about. But I sure have been liking it.
Hugs,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Hops - I see the absolute cause & effect of the patio and SAD light on your mood & ability to focus. It IS a form of self-care. Self-care of any kind (good food, tidy house, gifts to yourself) can lead to establishing a more permanent kind or level of positive outlook... creates a positive feedback loop.
Self-care starts out palliative, a lot of times. Then, it shifts down deeper into habit & lifestyle. It doesn't matter what helps or how silly it seems - if it WORKS and HELPS it's useful.
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