Here's what I mean.....and it's my experience over 3 years time with a trauma informed Therapist practicing EMDR and Advanced Integrative Therapy (AIT) among other helpful things.
This therapist never flinched or cried or looked despondent when I shared my experience with her.
She never looked bored and said "that's what ppsociopaths DO." Like I was a stupid child, unable to grasp my situation...which bored my therapist, when really he had NITHING helpful to offer.
My new therapist met me where I was and explained how my Nervous System works, so when we began deep breathing I understood why.....I needed to get out if fight it flight survival mode in order to integrate my brain fully to restore access to logic, reason and creative problem solving skills so CHOICE could be restored in my life again.
Less panic, feeling trapped and at the mercy of others.
I hear you feel trapped and at the mercy if your DIL. Trapped by your unfair situation and access to your son and GS.
I'm just saying..... life is easier to navigate when not in survival mode and that can be achieved by activating the Parasympathetic Nervous System....its different for everyone and sometimes I can't do it, but I keep practicing and building that habit, L.
Ways I practice are deep breathing....I can't be in danger if my breathing is calm.
I push on walls if that fails, bc survival brain wants to ACT and get me to safety. My survival brain believes there's a tiger chasing me and shuts down access to my frontal cortex, where reason and problem solving take place.
I need my frontal cortex, L. I practice engaging it, keeping it engaged and noticing when it's not engaged so I can get busy restoring access.
Some of the work I've done is learning to calm my brain diwn so trauma, old and new, can be processed and filed where it belongs....in historic files.
Before oricessing, some if the trauma was transposed over everything I thought and saw, L.
Everything.
Trauma gets stuck when our brains are too overwhelmed to process and that's why we practice calming and revisiting trauma in a state our brains can do what they were made to do easily and efficiently....process the trauma too.
The actual processing happens in milliseconds.....its not difficult.
I wish for you to find your smile and to realize you can't stop smiling and feeling joy in the moment you put diwn worry into the future and rumination over the past....in the moment you're present in this moment.
I needed a therapist to take my hand...show me how to protect myself and sturdy me up when necessary.
Turns out my fully adult self can take care of all my wounded and protective parts and pieces. Those parts are learning to trust Adult Lighter.
You can take your own hand and protect yourself, L. It helps to have an unflinchingly competent therapist you resonate with and finding one takes some time and effort, ime.
Did G wrote a book about finding a good Therapist Notes From The Therapy Underground.....it might help if it feels right to you.
And nothing will feel right for a while.
Learning to notice what your feeling, to break cycles and replace patterns, is part of change, ime. Discomfort and pain usually comes before growth, ime.
The thing is....the pain isn't as bad as feared and it never kills me.....it always leads to relief or eventual relief. Sort if like restoring original settings in my brain and removing corrupted programs....think of all the wrong things your mother installed inside your little child mind and body, L.
All that's still there, running in the background, distorting everything.
Your experience is real. I don't doubt that.
What I hope is for you to find different ways of seeing your world so you can stop reacting and be more responsive and able to respond in the best way possible with more choice.
And that's how I experienced the last 3 years with a therapist who asked me to take off my sunglasses so she could look into my eyes and allow mirroring neurons to do what they do....and L....I don't think anyone has done that for you, ever.
I want you to have that, if you feel it's right and is available to you.
If that doesn't make sense, feel free to ask for clarification or dismiss.
Lightet
