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'23 - The Adventure Continues ;)

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sKePTiKal:
Yes, we are definitely communicating better these days. She's made me understand that she is very aware of her underlying (and not part of her public persona) sensitivities. Flashpoint explosive triggers even. Touchy... but working on them.

She's given me feedback about how my "off the cuff" comments sound to her, as a result. On the days she can't laugh at herself. She rather expects me to tap dance around those moments... LOL. But, I have told her I can try to be more aware before I open my mouth, about how a statement might - on any given day - sound to her. At least until she recovers some of her bounceback flexibility.

Perimenopause and hormonal adjustment is just such a complete & total adjustment for her. My friend Deb went through a horrible time too. I was going through my own (a lot easier) issues, when I started therapy. Maybe there's something about the changes that brings up the emotional issues too? Lets them surface? I dunno. Maybe it just highlights the insecurities and issues in new ways and at that age, it's more possible to deal with them. Even perceive them.

I'm finding all this quite interesting and I'm just as invested in this shared "process". It's not something my mom & I could ever do. She just wasn't able. But Hol & I have been doing this for years & years now. So, as it's gradually changed and gotten more serious, we've adapted. She has some big issues lurking around that peek out every now & then... but she's still not ready to pull them out & dissect them. I'm not rushing her. I can wait. And I'm certainly not "perfect"... when I screw up, she knows she has leave to tell me that without me jumping to outrage & offense so that it can rectified or explained immediately.

Well, looks like another lovely spring day here. She has a friend date this evening - fun movie & burgers at a local butcher shop. I have a flat of tomato plants to get in the dirt, if they survived the cool temp overnight. It feels like planting will not stop, this year. But I'm reminding myself that most of my herbs are perennials - and except for quantity increases, I will only need to plant once. And it's time to feed kitties.

Think I'll be able to "knock off" early today.

lighter:
Amber:

I'm trying to figure out how to be assertive without apology.. trying to not care how others perceive my withdrawl from people pleasing habits.  It is what it is.

I bounce over and around a balanced response, to be sure.

Your comment "backhand quick to fly" sent my anxiety up, likely... paraphrasing there. 

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Ah yes, I can where it might do. Thankfully, it's been a rare thing for a long time.

Hopalong:
Whew. Me too, I got worried about that phrase.

Glad it's in the rear-view! You clearly work so HARD to connect with her, Amber.
Sounds like it's been paying off.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
This has been re-entry week for B & I. He made it on Tuesday morning, and unloaded the truck that afternoon. Dropped truck off Wednesday & ran a few errands. Thursday was his appt - and the resetting & reprogramming of his stimulator controller. An automatic Apple update blew up the previously functioning program. A month ago. Fortunately the morphine pump, works all the time on it's own. Only requirement is to get it filled on schedule before it runs out.

Today is do-nothing Friday. He's been catching up on sleep & piddling around with organization. He's here for at least 2 weeks, to monitor his new program effectiveness and watch an incision.

I still need to plant peppers & 3 sisters. Yeah, it's a little late but our season can run well into October some years, so I'm plodding ahead with that plan. Hol spread my topsoil where I want it, so I can get those herbs in the dirt finally (they REALLY need to go in soon!!)

Contractor started on the studio yesterday. Got all the old siding off in a day. They're working on the deck boards now.  I asked yesterday how long they think this job will take and was told a few weeks; then he corrected himself and said - maybe a month. My only comment was: that's really fast! And it is. This is a new contractor for me, because I was told when I talked to the regular guy that they needed to finish up a few jobs then would call me. Still waiting on that call. And with the weather patterns changing a lot this year, I wanted the outer protection layer & access issues done WAY before the seasons turn again. Still not a lot of hot weather yet; and the smoke & cloud cover from Canada's fire have us in perpetual overcast. I need to inquire of Hol, how her solar is managing with this. We've had longer stretches of gray in the winter, and she's been fine... but I suspect the UV rating is different with the smoke.

They have projects going down at the hut, full stream ahead too. But S is working a lot. The new puppy Kiri is still acclimating and in training. That's keeping them pretty busy already. It's wonderful having a girl dog around! She is so sweet & cuddly (all 50+ lbs of her!), quick to learn things and eager to please. Hol is doing a lot more socializing with her local-ish friends, too. That's taking a little pressure off my time management. And it's really good for her to connect with the ladies her own age.

Looks like B's plan is to bring the mill, the next trip...  so after that, there may only be one more (two more?) trips then he'll be here. There is a very noticeable "relaxation response" in me, when he's physically here. My "left hand" support is back, I guess. We're way more partners & equal, and that's comfortable for me. Hol wants to either dominate or lead or expect to be "mommed"... and while we're navigating all that pretty well - and honestly - it can be boringly exhausting for both of us.

This sort of phased "relationship" process - where he goes back to the old life and I'm on my own again - seems to be working pretty well. There are difficult moments, of course. But for the most part, when he returns here, things are still in the place he left them... and he can immediately start going about his own agenda knowing where things are, etc. It's also been Different - capital D - on the romantic side but again, it's working out well.

Well, I need to get dressed and think about how much/how little I WANT to do today. Tomorrow is another early morning "have to" run around & gather needed things day.

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