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Captain's Log - 2024

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sKePTiKal:
Lighter - I had to laugh at the "burn his stuff" chant. My inclination is to vigorously join in! But, one of the contractor crews that built her hut will at least come get S's old car (that he started to work on & gave it up; not running). Greenhouse is finally closed in thanks to help from a couple friends last week.

Hops - "the power of no" is spot on! I can see her beginning to master this finally. Of course she signed up for a couple dating apps... met one local guy she's actually talking to and may meet up with. They have some things in common - he has a sailboat, that's a liveaboard; but he's taking a year off to help out his mom. This one is at least new friend material, but there might be some chemistry there too. He's a little older than her, but that's GOOD.

Then, I watched the whole story of a new guy trying to chat her up. Guy around S's age - 5 years younger than her. He obviously thought he was god's gift to women, and was clearly only interested in one thing. Didn't care to know anything at all about her... and thought he was so impressive she would swoon under his charms. Her last message before blocking him was "good luck & goodbye". All in the space of a couple hours. So I feel assured she isn't going to repeat her previous mistakes. She visited an old friend at her GF's house on Sunday; going camping/rafting with her core buddies in a couple weeks too.

She has tried to continue communicating with S - with the same results. So resignation and acceptance is settling into her mindset. If what he says is true, he needs a period of intense therapy. Otherwise, it sounds like a convenient, inarguable excuse. Either way - it ISN'T possible (and HASN'T BEEN) to have a relationship with someone like that. Much less, trust that her needs will recognized and met. So, she is looking out for and protecting herself. Current contractor projects will make her life 100% easier; more peace of mind.


B & I took a short road trip over the weekend. I drove since I knew the ins/outs of the route and even just driving was a welcome break for me. There were some less than pleasant aspects to the trip - but we're no worse for wear. He's a good road trip buddy, even when just riding shotgun. I was reminded how much out of step I am, in cities now. It's an alien environment for both of us and neither of us relax while there. But the drive is my old route north back "home" and to the shop in MI. So he got to see the mountain part of that trip.

When we got back I came out & sat on the porch in the dark and could just feel this place wrapping it's welcoming protection and care around me again. There's just such good energy here and while it's hard physical work caring for the place - our philosophy is less "making it so" and stewardship instead.

Studio project is demoted to less pressing right now. Both Hol & I need to plant (weather still isn't very good for it) and she has the two support projects going on at her place. But she got the pale pink on the walls and the ceiling done; still has one more patch to deal with over new windows. The color is WAYYY better than I hoped it would be; depending on the light it shifts peachy, instead of rose. And it's pale enough that it's just a hint of color that's cozy; not a statement... so functioning as a neutral. Still have trim to cut & put up and painting trim is next step. Going to clear out a lot of the cardboard & trash; and start putting things against walls again. Then we're on to plumbing and mini-kitchen cabinets. Bathroom will be last.

I have to re-order the bar that was damaged in shipping and get a vanity ordered. B has work to do in the garage downstairs... with help from both of us. Then he can get another workspace for himself set up... and we can decide which tools we're going to keep/sell... making more space in there. I *think* B will be able to get completely moved by this fall. TBD.

lighter:

(tiny chant)
::burn his stuff....::

I'm all for B moving full time to the farm.  Finally🪺

sKePTiKal:
I'll never understand any generation younger than Gen X.

S apparently hasn't changed his address at work or registered his car in the new state. His paychecks are still being mailed here, and when Hol offered to mail them to him, he said he'd come out & pick 'em up but he can't say when that'll be. Guess he doesn't need the money.  <shrug>

She said she's done doing anything for him, she's not specifically asked to do. And from the past week's conversations with her, she is moving on with all due intention and speed - carefully. She realizes it might be 10 years before he figures out who he is, at this rate. She doesn't want to waste that time.

The dating apps have proven to be risky, too. Handful of guys who's first loyalty is their male appendages and expect women to fall at their feet, because it's so glorious. (Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) Her inner Dorothy Parker shut them down quickly. Then there was a sweet naive open guy who's managing his parents farm near DC. Yowzers - they have big bucks! He turned out to like wearing little girls' undies and wanted someone to "play" out his fantasies with. She was kinder to him, but just as firm about not wanting to entertain something that complicated and unfamiliar in her moral map. She was once a little girl that men would fawn over, too. The resistance is deep about that kind of thing, in her.

Then, there is one local guy she might meet up with casually some time. The one with the sailboat and family loyalty. And THEN, lo and behold, she finally matched with a guy northwest of here, who is homesteading on his own place. Nicely built house, baby kitties are getting their "house" built, he just picked up some more chickens. Welder by trade and just a normal guy, only a couple years older than her. She'll have lunch with him next week because he's on her way to the camp out location/raft trip. And if something clicks - maybe she'll meet up again on the way back. I think she likes the fact that he's got his own independent life and is doing it, just like she is. She's not thinking much about long-term until she gets a read on just who he is and what he's like.

Clearly over the worst of the emotional reaction and moving on, so Mom can finally stand down on that front. When she gets back we'll be diving back into studio reno again. B is changing water heaters today and tomorrow. Her fence is done; needs a few tweaks here & there but it's a help while I'm keeping her dogs while she's outta here having fun with her friends & a few new folks. She's been busting her butt around here keeping grass short & trimming the edge of the long driveway. In addition to the big painting push in the studio. So she's EARNED some extended time off. She has enough close friends - and they keep in touch - that there is a lot to balance the solitude out here. She has no concrete reason to feel isolated... so forging the way forward.

It's a lot to juggle for me, with B being sensitive to how much of my time I dedicate to her. But I've been doing that for 46 years, with different partner responses. Her dad - even though he's close - hasn't touched base with her in over 6 months. It's like she doesn't exist. She mentions it every now & then, but I think she's accepted the fact he's just in a different world that isn't exactly her comfort zone. And it's obvious that she's latched onto B - Mr. Paternal and over-protective - for some male energy input & wisdom. He always shows up for her, when she needs help. She is now looking for that kind of thing from the prospective "partners" she's shopping. I certainly hope a few of them also curl her toes!  <wink wink>

B is more than enough to fill my life and the time each day, but he's also independent and we shift back & forth over who's caring for who, as needed. But it'll soon be our turn to escape all this for awhile, too. We just need to find some stability in his pain issues, somehow. And I need some more physical energy to keep up with things. I did get a lot of my herbs planted, then I ran out of topsoil. I either need to run over the mountain to get some more bags or see if I can get some from Hol. But I won't last long with a shovel. The heat is beginning to creep in, too and the garden is a lush mass of green weeds. NOTHING has been planted out yet because it's been too cool & wet for most things. Tomatos are finally germinating but no squash or cucumbers. Hol got a few things in the ground last week too.

sKePTiKal:
And the temps have cooled off again; got topsoil at tractor supply; my herbies are more than ready to go out... started working on cleaning up beds... and B has turned under the weed carpet in the garden again: tomatoes are ready and I'll just direct seed other stuff now. This is supposed to last 3-4 days, so making hay while the sun shines!

More later.... lots of things "in progress" at the moment but still the same phase.

Twoapenny:
Now this is where I'd be doing the behaviour on the other thread that none of us can come up with the quite the right word for, Skep.  Mail that is not for me goes back in the mailbox 'Not Known At This Address'.  Dating minutes after coming out of another failed long term relationship is a huge no from me.  I would not be able to keep my mouth shut or acknowledge different people/behaviour/generations etc, I'd be in full on overbearing mode :)  Lol, you do an unspeakably good job keeping yourself out of it all.

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