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lighter:
Seems the harder I want to let it all go, the tighter it holds onto me. Makes me sad to think of it clinging....afraid and confused.
Today I'll try to notice the wounded and protective parts.....let them know they belong....not my intention to leave them behind.
I'll try to remember to invite them to be my allies. To dispel the emotional charges.... agree we'll do the work together.
Yup yup yup.
Will see if I have the energy for a bonfire, if it cools down.
I'll try to focus on that today, though I'm a bit distracted. And there in lies the practice.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on August 09, 2024, 01:38:34 PM ---Seems the harder I want to let it all go, the tighter it holds onto me. Makes me sad to think of it clinging....afraid and confused.
Today I'll try to notice the wounded and protective parts.....let them know they belong....not my intention to leave them behind.
I'll try to remember to invite them to be my allies. To dispel the emotional charges.... agree we'll do the work together.
Yup yup yup.
Will see if I have the energy for a bonfire, if it cools down.
I'll try to focus on that today, though I'm a bit distracted. And there in lies the practice.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
I've had similar, Lighter - it's almost like the coping part of yourself becomes a living thing in its own right and doesn't want you to manage better and not need it anymore. Maybe it does become like a needy friend that we have to disentangle from. And hard in the same way, because they used to be a help but not they're a burden and it always feels difficult and maybe ungrateful? That's how it felt for me at one point anyway, I felt like 'she' was really upset that she'd done so much for me and now I didn't want her. It's how I've felt towards others at times, when I've helped them through a difficult patch and once they're doing better they go off with other friends or a new boyfriend or whatever it might be and I'd be left wondering what happened. I have found guided meditations useful, just ones off YouTube but to do with releasing trauma, past experiences, unhelpful habits and that sort of thing. Seems to shift things around for me. I hope something eases you out of this difficult spot. I will have a bonfire if it ever stops raining long enough :) Lol x
lighter:
Rain .....falling on Scottish moss ...makes me want to wear rain boots and dawn a cotton shift to dance under a tarp by firelight, after turning my face up to the rain.....smiling.
And, yes ...the coping parts are real, IME. If we ignore or wish them banished .....they get larger and stronger.....what we fear will find us. Always.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on August 11, 2024, 03:46:53 PM ---Rain .....falling on Scottish moss ...makes me want to wear rain boots and dawn a cotton shift to dance under a tarp by firelight, after turning my face up to the rain.....smiling.
And, yes ...the coping parts are real, IME. If we ignore or wish them banished .....they get larger and stronger.....what we fear will find us. Always.
--- End quote ---
Aw yes to dancing in the rain! We're away camping at an eco festival later this week - hopefully not too much rain but definitely fires, dancing and lots of nice people.
I'm working on my need to not get things wrong - but also to not get them too right. We lived on a tightrope as kids - constantly criticised but equally derided for doing something well. It's left me in a bit of a no-man's land, treading water, doing enough to not be 'bad' but not too much or I'll be too good. Definitely helps to acknowledge the coping mechanisms, talk to them, explain why we don't need them now, maybe? The last couple of mornings I've written a letter to myself, encouraging, praising, explaining, the way I would do to a friend, but don't feel able to do to myself. It feels like it's helping.
We had two dry days so I got the grass cut. Garden full of birds this morning. Thunderstorm, which we watched but didn't go out in in case we got electrocuted. Busy morning while son was at his group, bought the supplies for camping, posted off more stuff we've sold, took another bag of unwanted items to the charity shop (goodwill? Is that what you call it over there?). Chat with a friend this afternoon. Dinner is cooking, then planning a bath, paint toe nails etc. Then some yoga and maybe more relaxing stuff after that. Or maybe dancing, who knows :) Hope you are dancing in the rain, Lighter :) xx
lighter:
Looking forward to an update, Tupp. I hope camping is joyful for you and son.
Lighter
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