Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Farm Journal - 2025

<< < (14/15) > >>

Hopalong:
Amber, back on MAY 14TH (!!@#$%^&*!!), you asked me some very kind questions and somehow I sailed past them and never responded. I'll take the chance now! And btw, asking questions like that is uber caring, imo. I'm grateful you did/do.


--- Quote ---....Hops? Are you content and reasonably happy with your current life? Sounds like you're still keeping a hand in with gardening, you have Pup for companionship - reliable assistance for the things that are important and loads more activity involving people than I'd be comfortable with. How's the writing going?
--- End quote ---

I'd say content in some ways -- notably the positive side of living alone, with my escapism and self-indulgences intact. I have no to-do lists or urgent projects, though in spring/summer I do usually do a few household improvements. This afternoon I'm getting a quote on replacing half my cork kitchen floor (dumb original choice) which a burst pipe ruined. Ouch. The other accomplishment, silly as it sounds, was getting the guy to take a big batch of annuals and plant them in my refurbished old wheelbarrow that my parents bought in the 40's. It's a gentle yellow with white handles and legs, funnily broad, etc. I always enjoyed using it (when I had a back) but the rust was marching in. Now it's a color explosion with coral begonia in the middle and all sorts of random colors around that. Looks really joyful.

I spent a fair amount on Slow Former Handyman, but it got done. Only downside for me was that I literally could do nothing (my back). Couldn't grab the bag of potting soil, bend over several times to load the barrow, bend again to plant anything. I had to hire help for all of it. Positive again, I think it was last fall I had him install the new lovely black screen/storm door to the patio, which makes me happy every time I use it.

NOT content with the ADD-avoidance of home tidying/decluttering/paperwork processing, which I know I've mentioned a lot. The degree to which I can let such things slide is not normal, and I am approaching it by pondering one square foot at a time. Does that mean I do it daily? Nope. It's shaming or self-shaming and it's the #1 thing I grieve, really. This little house has lovely bones and could be beautiful, and I had many dreams of visual serenity and happiness such that I've let slide.

I know my D has been back on my mind a great deal since I heard from her half-bro that she thought she'd be coming to live with me again since she told him she has "no other options" -- I think truthfully -- so I don't know if she's safe. Making that decision (answering No, via him) is the hardest thing I've done in a long time. I stand by it, but it feels like cancer of the heart. He didn't follow up as he said he would but when I asked, he said she hadn't responded further. She was at one point in an abusive relationship when she wound up in a hotel-stay program for the homeless, and as far as I know her time there ran out. I have no idea about her income (I think disability?) but know her health is really bad. Her instability, physical pain/s, steroid dependency (Addison's)  and bipolar are endless miseries. Put more simply, although highly intelligent she's also crazy. Breaks my heart.

Pup's companionship has mellowed and gotten to be a real joy, after a very rough start. He's still not well trained because, you guessed it, a lot of repetitive bending. But he's no longer eating everything in reach including furniture legs, he's much much sweeter and has discovered the real joys of cuddling. He's about 15 lbs max, whew, and makes me laugh every single day. He's got a crazy face (mildly undershot jaw and frequent Rodney Dangerfield expressions), a wonderful curved-up tail, and about three different breed-coats, so sometimes he looks like a dandelion on a bad day, which makes him even cuter. He's pure people bait because the total effect is cuteness overload. He was bouncing straight up and down inside the storm door recently as a delivery guy came to the porch and the man was just grinning ear to ear. To have a pet make people so happy is very joyful for me.

Writing's slow, which I don't mind, but my work is maturing too. I have one about my fundamentalist preacher relative that I'm really proud of, so intend to actually Send It Out! Mirabile dictu.

That was fun, in the Me Me Me department, and I'm really happy you asked!

Hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Well, you've had longer silent spells on the board recently. So I wondered. I was also thinking about my own and the why's & wherefores of them. So, comparing notes sort of. Wondering about this life stage and what I want to make of it (and IF that's even worth "designing" - LOL).

B brings a chaotic mess - which is sometimes quite joyful - into my house. He's seen my limits though - it's not so much OCD as the chaos causes anxiety for me and I MUST act to stop that. Our main living space isn't large - think tiny house or one-room cabin (even though there's a lot more house around that area) so clutter is an ongoing tidal ebb & flow. I can tolerate that within reason - and occasionally "triumph" temporarily. LOLOL. For me, maintaining a low ratio of mess in the main space IS self-care. Something I practice for my own sanity. For B, it means he can easily see the last place he put something down - instead of having to look in 6 different places. And then forgetting what he was looking for - when he finds something else that "disappeared".

LOLOLOL.

We tried the only local Chinese take-out place yesterday, out of experimentation. It's not bad - but I was hoping for a little more "hot" in my Szechuan. Next order, I'll add a note. So while we're way out in the boonies, within 15-20 mins we have the local butcher/grocery which makes super burgers & Italian subs, a combo Mex-Italian sit-down restaurant that does pizza & subs & dinners to go, and now the Chinese restaurant to pick from. There is a standard "American Chain Restaurant" type place... but I think they're pricy for what they deliver. Oh, and a couple old-time diners around various nearby towns. B needs his liver & onions every so often. I need a good pastrami rueben... LOL.

It's as quiet a life as we're allowed (by other people's problems) to enjoy. Simple, no drama. Well, except the healthcare battle endures... and it's all just entropic, piddly BS. His over-sized reaction to it, is starting to mellow out a little. The last major blow - was his T blaming Vets for faking/overplaying the PTSD symptoms to get more money from the gov't. That one still stings him. (B doesn't even claim PTSD... so I'm guessing T needed to blow off steam & thought B was a "safe" person to do it with. They've worked together 30 years. Probably needs to retire or at least an extended sabbatical.)

We have a small local hospital that can handle med-flights into the "city over the mountain" 's major trauma center. My step-D is the liason for that regional coordination between all of the trauma centers & ERs. And there's an associated clinic here. So not bad for rural medicine.

We've not been enjoying any time in the "city over the mountain". It's WAAAAAY too much NoVa in traffic & rudeness these days and something dysfunctional has happened to it's art & music scene. Hol only goes there to shop the ethnic groceries and visit a handful of friends these days too. She hits B'more only for dentist appts & will sometimes schedule friend visits... but that's less often these days. We can get everything we "need" right here. And oftentimes, it's better quality (yeah, we pay for it) - local, clean meats, fresh produce in season, all the staples required to live here... it's only rarely we even see "the dark side" of society. Our bank branch was robbed a year or so ago. There have been a few rare murders.

I guess one can argue that insulating oneself from "life these days" is anti-social and therefore a "bad thing". But I consider it self-preservation in that I'm not getting pushed, pulled, attention-grabbed sixteen ways to Sunday all the time. I paid my dues in that respect over the years, and now just want to live each day peacefully. Anytime I need a "dose" of what's going on in the rest of the world, there's the internet. And I walk away from it a LOT more now. Plenty of work that's more gratifying around here! Making "pretty".

sKePTiKal:
OH HEY...

I noticed Lighter's been watching Chateau Youtubes. I have followed the channel "Escape to Rural France" for ages. Dan is restoring the Chateau de Chaumont, with his friend Nick (expert arborist with many other skills) and Brian (seeming a jack of all trades; climbing expert). Anyway, Brian started a Vlog which - if one is looking for peaceful, funny sometimes, "day in the life" kind of humanity - is MOST refreshing. The other day he mentioned it would help him out if we shared the channel with friends.

This is the latest - and includes Chaumont and their puppies. Who love Brian to death.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4Ppjiz5-N0

lighter:
He lost me at "talking to Sarah" about the gray card...."do'in me head in," but will go back once my patience bank replenishes.

I do love love love these shows, Amber😁

I, too, am pondering the shape and breadth of my life ...what I want more of, etc.  I'm surprised how tickled I am with the wedding stuff.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Apparently, France requires an additional bit of info to be registered about a car, with the state. Not just VIN number. That's the gray card that is flustercating him. He's right; it should be simple to do online - but when the internet is intermittent, the webpages don't function correctly... it's easier to go do it in person. (Seems like overkill on the info - but it's funny what info people think is important.)

Brian is loved for his "Dad jokes" while working with Dan & Nick on the Chateau. He's an easy-going, cheerful, friendly guy. And anyone the puppies love that much, has to be OK - their "jerk-o-meter" is pretty accurate. I like the way he talks to his audience like we're right there - tells us to get in the car when he's heading for his little adventures or pack a bag and shows us places we wouldn't ordinarily see on the usual "tourist channels".

The Chaumont channel is also really positive - even when it seems their task today is impossible, monumentally tedious or difficult (like all the rope work off the turret to finish the slate roof & copper trim). I don't know what the arrangement is between Dan and his wife (the first videos are them renovating a French farmhouse) but his little boys are with him on weekends. Dan's living in a yurt on site, while the reno is going on.

I watch a lot of these renos, not so much the other chateaus - but UK cottages. It's my escape to other places, other problems (that I don't have to solve), and a way to just check out for awhile.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page