I'm gonna add....
My T helped me identify a toxic worry worry worry coping strategy, I didn't realize I depended on......it robbed me of joy.
It was exhausting and didn't change outcomes, though I believed it was the thing saving me, bc that's how I'd survived.... worrying my way through everything.
T pointed out an alternative strategy.
Do what I could, then put the story on the shelf.... meaning, once I'd done every possible thing, I could do, to resolve my problem....I could choose to stop thinking about it, and turn toward the joy in front of me....
Or....
be present in the moment, opposed to worrying into the future, which drained my batteries, kept me in fight or flight reactive mode, which shut down my frontal cortex processes of reasoning and creative problem solving. I really needed access to reason and creative problem solving skills!!! That required calming my brain and Nervous System, which brought my entire brain back online. Fight or flight shuts down access to frontal cortex....think of maybe seeing a tiger. Amygdala fight or flight brain acts to evade and survive that tiger. Higher brain wonders if it really sees a tiger, or is it just shadows and a truck if the light, kwim?
With some emotional distance, it made sense and improved my response and ability to respond by expanding choice and ability to bring about the best possible outcomes, IME. It restored choice, I guess is more accurate.
I think that was as important as the rest, but everything was layered and somehow built a solid foundation.
I'll say this.....it felt like a lot of moving parts, at first.....it felt overwhelming. I beat myself up for forgetting things I knew, but forgot when upset, bc old defaults needed to be reset. I got better at being kind to myself, which speeds everything up, IME.
Once concepts and new habits became less alien ....they morphed into familiar tools. sometimes chose those tools. That felt amazing and I wish I'd not worried about internalizing them, bc it took up space I could have used more productively.
Having said that.....the way I processed was the way I needed to process. The "setbacks" weren't bad or good, even though I judged them so. Noticing judgement was part of changing it into curiosity. It wasn't a switch I could flip and turned out to be exactly like early days in martial arts, but without a stern instructor bringing my focus back to the present moment, again and again, bc I did notice doing things wrong and despised it. It hijacked my brain for a while.....only frustrating me and slowing progress.
Curiosity was the cure. Tweaking mistakes, instead of judging and catastrophising, was revelation and joy. Beating myself up was detrimental to learning BUT provided clues to my inner world, not that I understood, at that time.
Looking back, I notice how hard I was on myself.
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I'm gonna say something about what I received, from therapy, but didn't know was possible or something I'd find helpful.
The number one thing, that helped, was observing trauma/past/present with enough distance.....I experienced it without fighting/flight/freeze/fawn brain taking over. I could observe it with my entire brain online, helping me process it. This was huge.
Second....the choice to focus on joyful things, while refusing to drain my batteries on rumination, sadness, regret and fear became something I could choose or not choose.
Not that there aren't ups and downs. There are.
Not that the injustices are ok. They aren't.
What's apparent is .....I don't have to give my energy to things I can't change. I admit to spending most of my time, trying to change things, I couldn't make peace with in my past. It was painful and I have compassion for myself. I choose better for myself, as I can.
Sometimes I choose to spin my wheels ruminating, but understand I gave up better things to do that.
My first productive therapy session began with a list:
1. Embrace self compassion over and over till it became familiar.
2. Replace judgement with curiosity. All judgement gets dropped here.
3. Embrace radical acceptance.
4. Release outcome.
That's how I answer your question about expectations of therapy and a therapist.
The thing is, a therapist you connect with will likely not be someone else, on the board, connects with.
Your experience will be your own, boat. Likely, you'll be surprised at how things unfold, and that can be perfectly ok, IME.
If you research different types of therapies...some will make more sense than others. Making your preferences clear, in communication with possible therapists, can help dial in matches, I'd think.
Lighter
