Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Nothing much really
Meh:
- Having a heightened day of extreme narcissistic crisis creation.
- My work week M-F is like 55 hours of work-centric stuff, on the clock, commute etc.
- Today the N is losing their fucking mind.
- All I have been able to do today is 1) shower 2) eat 3) think about clearing my voicemails 4) started my laundry. I really just want to shut down and take a nap.
- There are lots of threats happening. I am literally just eating food and typing this and I am getting threats.
Meh:
I'm telling myself this:
"Your Goal: Disengagement, Not Resolution: Your goal in the moment is to end the interaction or remove yourself, not to resolve the underlying issues."
Meh:
And I did sleep for quite a long time and police showed up knocked on the door. I talked with them the cops gave me weird pressure tactics and then they left without doing anything at all. I had to ask them for the case report number and their non-emergency phone number. It's weird that they aren't required to write that stuff down and leave it after all the crisis bullshit they actually participate in causing.
One of the pressure tactics they used was they said they had to serve all the so many thousands of people in the community. I thought it was one of the weirdest things a cop could say. Like dude IM NOT DETAINING YOU I DIDN'T EVEN CALL YOU. But since you're here give me the case number fucker.
I can't really concentrate on anything at the moment. I should go for a walk for the neighbors to gawk at me after the police showed up here.
But hey there is no crime in progress, I didn't call them, they left. They said some weird ass shit to me. They're really odd I mean I haven't had to deal with cops much at all. Well never I've never had to talk to cops before. There were two of them and one guy kept saying something about how he "wouldn't lie" to me. And I thought dude you're weird who even talks like that.
Anyhow that was unsettling and I think I should go on my walk at some point.
They kept asking me the same repeated questions and claimed I wasn't answering.
I just repeated "my mother's an alcoholic she says lots of weird stuff".... "my mother's an alcoholic she says weird stuff all the time."
In the end I really don't wanna fuck around with cop bullshit.
Then the cop said to me "you're clearly in crisis" ... I'm just thinking well all I've done for weeks is do this work week which ends up being about 50 hours with commuting and all. I'm literally just trying to organize, destress, wash my hair, wash my laundry. I'm just doing existence stuff.
Now I'm just trying to externalize.
I wonder what the police report will say. There's not even a disturbance. Whatever. Moving on. I need to stop OCD about this.
They didn't Floyd me. You never know what the hell is going to happen when two male cops show up with all their vest gear crap on.
Meh:
- The good news is I started a new job just over a month ago. The bad news is I have way too much bullshit in my life to function almost.
Meh:
I have to re-iterate this to myself again "Your Goal: Disengagement, Not Resolution: Your goal in the moment is to end the interaction or remove yourself, not to resolve the underlying issues."
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version