The universe provides opportunities

[lighter]

Met Yelly Guy neighbor, at the trail head,behind my house .... nurse's house... cowboy's house today..... somewhere he shouldn't have been, come to think of it.  It only makes sense if retired nurse stopped allowing him to cut through her property, bc he was......maybe he ran when he saw pug and I coming.....thought we'd go into the forest.  Doesn't matter.

I had a podcast on.....YG stopped when we got close.....and he lowered his head, waiting.

I picked up pug,after her first bark, and turned my back, so YG could pass without making eye contact.  It felt mean, but that was all I had...... didn't have to think or make a choice.

YG mumbled..."Hi, pug..." like she agreed I was being mean....and he passed by us, like a patron at the Seinfeld Soup Nazi kitchen would move up in the line ......deliberate, head down.

I'd already gone back to my podcast when YG said....
"Ya ....can I say something.......
I had some things happen recently, I'd really like to share them."

I gestured for him to spill.

YG:  Speaking in a very small, very young sounding voice....
"I had my first grandchild....."

"I fell while visiting grandchild and had a serious concussion....."

"They found something wrong with my heart......."

::really  really long pause ....
I remained half turned away and silent::.

YG:  "And I had a pacemaker put in x months ago ......."

:: silence continues::.

YG seems baffled bc his wounded lil'boy request for sympathy isn't working.....
 his voice changes to an adult tone......Frustrated.......he blurts out:
"Look, I was an arshole."

Lighter: Yes, you were.

YG:  "I was hoping ......I mean ...... I've really missed talking to y..."

I cut him off ......"Nope, that's not happening, but I appreciate you shooting that rabid raccoon and so, we can be neutral."

YG began babbling about the raccoon.....

Lighter:  "You're a yapper. That works for you with some neighbors, the gossip, like with retired nurse.  BTW, what did you tell her?  What was your story, that she believes I'm crazy ..... That cowboy's crazy?"

YG:  "I didn't tell her you were crazy....just told her.....you ....and I....just..... didn't.....have .......time....... didn't seem to find the time......when retired nurse asked why we weren't speaking any longer .....and I didn't know why cowboy and I stopped hanging out."

Lighter: "And that's not the truth, is it?"

YG:  "I never told her you were crazy...I never.  Never would."

Lighter:  "So we're neutral now, but if that's not ok, we can go back to ....
YG: " No no, that's fine ....."

Pug and I turned around and finished our walk. 

It hit me, as I walked back into our yard..... I'd just thwarted YG(a second half of lifer) again.  The man, who's chin I threw my hardest jab at....without him commenting on it, once.

So, I checked the lock on the crawlspace, locked the backdoor, when I would have preferred to leave the screen door open.....checked my weapons, then finished painting the terra cottage rabbit planter like an adorable wild hare and marinated sirloin for the grill.

Can't wait to plant a tiny little fern with Moss, in that planter.

DD22 shocked YG opened his yap.  Again. 

The take away was.......how obvious the bs is, when you're expecting it.....and how revolting the game's always been.  It took me this long to figure out how horrifyingly shameful people are, when my constitution couldn't bare that shame, not for a moment.🎯



Lighter

[lighter]

Adding a thought......
It's familiar, I realize.  From the book, The Sociopath Next Door......
Paraphrasing, but one feels it when it happens......

 someone plays victim after doing egregiously harmful things TO others. So familiar.  Difficult to put a finger on it....so slippery, it is.

Consistent victim posturing, while finger pointing/shaming/accusing I'm others if doing what they're engaged in, actively, and I have to assume, many believe their narrative.  Pathological. Unknown to them? Known?  Doesn't matter if one doesn't need to fix it or figure it out, IME.

Familiar feelings of revulsion pop up.  Repulsive and difficult to bring into focus.

We attract.... we're attracted....we repeat childhood struggle, or we don't.

Predictable, but unforseen by us, things happen when engaging with others....at what point can one see up ahead, vs not see it coming?

Words, only, pop up here ....
Dishonorable....
Traitor.....
Thief.....
Ratfocker....
Heinous fockery....

All can be true, but for a woman, stating that truth out loud, it's often, IME, met with judgement, then punishment.

And it's cultural collusion, IME.  The expectation bring ...women will suck it up, always, do consistent heavy lifting, while labeled weak, emotional and less productive, bc much of the heavy lifting they do isn't valued, generally, paid well or viewed as actual work, IME.

If women are degraded, undervalued, taught they deserve less .... deserve to serve others, only....deserve less, should expect less, expect to be buddy fukked by the systems, those paid to protect and fairly adjudicate laws, those in traditional roles of "family protectors", while suggesting women just stay quiet, remain in abusive situations, and/or participate in trapping women in ",/traditional roles/powerless/at the mercy of/vulnerable/protecting children/,limited access to resources.......
lost my train if thought, but it's percolating.

Lighter




Lighter

[lighter]

Such fragile beings ...requiring others to agree to oppression, so they may feel they're enough.

And it's often unspoken agreements, sometimes agreed to ahead, by "protectors" and in it's failure, stated blatantly as threat and enforced with violence, IME.

Weak. Too weak to rule.  Too fragile.  Too driven by baser needs, and, somewhat understandably, greed.  The need to burn the world down, bc there's never going to be enough.....enough to stuff their big gaping soul hole with enough, ever ....

Where are the children, in all this, for Pete's sake?

Too foolish to see down the road, or understand learning from history is a thing they may avail themselves to.  Their....
their fragile egos and inability to accept and adapt for the greater good is an embarrassment, bc it's been viewed as weakness to face, adjust and alter the status quo, IME.

Very sad, how much oxygen the first halfers suck up, in the world.

Loud, intrusive, insistently industrious and driven to conquer, control and exploit, sometimes torment......

hu-man nature, but for the second halfers who see value in children, caretakers and creating a world without burning it, and it's inhabitants, to the ground, bc they feel like watching things burn.

Holy guacamole, Batman.  We, society create the monsters, in childhood, and fail to identify the pattern, in favor of "winning" the f'd up game generational trauma continues wrecking on the world, bc humans are too broken, in early childhood, to learn from mistakes and history.

DD22 says it all the time ...... we're doomed, but are we really?

Maybe.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

It's harrowing but excellent: Adolescence, on Netflix.

hugs,
Hops

[lighter]

Will take a look, Amber.

I posted elsewhere about a missed opportunity to practice at the coffee shop.

Old man..... encroaching on our table .....asking to set very close to DD22.....there were other places to sit.

I wish I'd have said no, but he was welcome to the table after we left.

Lessons in motion, for DD and myself.

Lighter

[lighter]

It's harrowing but excellent: Adolescence, on Netflix.

hugs,
Hops

Just finished watching Hold Your Breath, on Hulu.  Had to walk away, more than a few times.  Really difficult to watch, Hops.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I checked reviews and not for me, though I appreciate the scene setting in land much like my mother grew up in (and survived) in the mid 1920s. Those storms.

It's odd how I have a great appetite for complex international thrillers like Bourne, Ludlum, LeCarre, etc, and violence at least nominally in service of justice scratches some itch in me.

But I won't turn one eyeball to films about horror and/or the supernatural. A couple reviews of Breath referred to how much anxiety it produces in viewers and I figured, the world is a horror already in many ways, I think I won't try to absorb more. The headlines are my daily dose of that.

Adolescence was believable, present time, and though sad, valuable. Amazing performances, especially the dad.

But to each their own. You wouldn't believe how much crap I watch these days. Even true crime, which can be horror too, but I guess because those docs normally end in the bad guy being caught, I can pretend there's justice.

What started me....oh, the geezer in the coffee shop. I get it. Entitlement, a lifetime of it likely.

hugs
Hops

hugs
Hops