Author Topic: Mindfulness and codependence thread  (Read 159602 times)

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1200 on: April 14, 2025, 03:50:47 PM »
I had a dream 2 nights ago, and it isn't haunting me anymore.... but it was. 

It's interesting to notice how my shadows/darkness shows itself in dreams.

Over and over again, I had to face unbelievably terrible choices I'd made in the dream.....not actual choices in life, but huge sweeping magnifications of smaller actual choices.  Oof. So tough.

Mostly centered around past betrayals, most devastatingly, by myself.

It feels like an assignment.  A request to notice, list, assess, and address those shadows (in thinking/doing/not doing), so as to meaningfully adjust sails, if necessary.

The dream included leaving my baby (different baby, not one of my girls) on a sofa of some mutually respected and liked person, before asking them, so I could go on a work trip ( to stay at someone else's Airbnb, without asking, which left their place unclean for guest's arrival the day I was leaving.)

And, as I worried about leaving a dirty fridge/bathroom/kitchen, I was worried about checking on the baby, finding the baby sitting person's phone number, letting them know I was headed home on....like .....mopeds with jenkie trailers attached.  Painful slow travel, but in this dream, I saw no choice. 

Just kept making detrimental decisions, leading to painful travel towards legal devastation and....the call to baby caretaker was garbled, but for words like "unfit/CPS/removed."

I woke up with the feeling my vulnerable baby had been placed with the people who hate, and would destroy, me by harming my baby.....perhaps worse.

All the while I kept saying.....WHY would I DO that, even as I ignored the choices, till consequences forced me to face them. 

I have light and dark sides.
 That's reality.... and, let's face it.....

ego.

I don't want to bounce along, making mindless choices, bc consequences aren't forcing me to examine them, like in the dream.
 Ya.
That.

Lighter





 




lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1201 on: April 14, 2025, 07:15:36 PM »
The week off from T is a good thing.  Today, on walk with pug, I realized ...old default settings were put in place,once upon a time, by the adults in my life.

 Fair enough.

Now..... default settings are my default settings.  If changes are to be made, I'm responsible for identifying, assessing and  altering those settings. 

Clarity.

Understanding why and how may feel important, at times, but it's discovering where it lives in my body ..... feeling them, while calm and integrated, that matters.

Getting on with it, for me, and not to pass on or teach. 

Just for me, though I always always feel selfish and wasteful, somewhere in my body, every time.

Lighter




lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1202 on: April 24, 2025, 11:19:08 AM »
DD22 saw functional med doc yesterday.  It is didn't include the bouncing and vibrating, but was just as strange and funny.  Funny haha, but funny odd, too.

He was happy DD found relief from his pressing on nerves as she held her breath, visceral manipulation, very gentle chiropractor adjustment using handheld vibrating/small bumping machines, instead of big cracks.

This visit, he did give a big crack to her neck, then switched to the bumping machine as DD reacted with choice words and shock.

Truthfully, I think he wanted her reaction.  I think he's.....a man......drawn to her dewy youth, humor and magnetism.

Two (overtly)red flags this visit....and there are always red flags, he put his hands on her neck and throat, feeling whatever he's feeling for, and said.....
"I'll just strangle you here....a bit."

::Sigh::.

Then he went on to say....
:The younger people, the millennials, use manual strangulation during sex, sometimes with deadly consequences."

I piped up it's not new and he went in to say it is.😬

That DD is experiencing relief and healing, in his program, keeps us 😬, but going back.  It's an odd thing to neeeed things from him.  From men, generally, bc it's more difficult to assert ourselves and call them on their bullshit, IME. 

There will be punitive reactions, IME.  One weighs and considers outcomes and expense of holding them accountable, IME. 

Being pushed and pushed, is never good.  DD considers clothing choices carefully, and so she should.

DD also thinks this doc is pretty profoundly autistic, in that he's singularly interested in a very narrowly focused way.  I agree AND he doesn't seem aware of how did he comes across. 

Second big red flag, yesterday, was doc drawing attention to his website featuring middle aged women, which are his treatment demographic.  He asked me how I'm doing, and was dismissive when I responded all is well, chipper and upbeat.  No Thing to jiggle or strangle here.😬 And there's lots of jiggling for DD.

DD received immediate relief from all sorts of symptoms......and she's a sturdy skeptic of all this doc does.  It's been disconcerting, really, how helpful he's been.

Ok ....so he's talking about other stuff he does ...energy work, for certain, but also emotional polarity work, often creating "loud outbursts" from patients, often around trauma including rape.  Lots of rape trauma in his middle aged female patient base.

He asked DD what she would say to her father, if he was standing before her.  He asked if she was deeply effected by the violence in her young life around losing her father ...he asked how old she was when it happened.

We left, nervously commenting on the strangest things, laughing about the funny things and glad he's not doing the emotional polarity work, for now, as his office isn't "private enough."

DD remarked, she eventually might have to see him alone, and I asked how she intended to handle him.  He's shorter than her, but,.......it feels like she's a delicious box of dewy chocolates, when we're in his office.
I don't intend to send her alone.....and that'll be easier since he's shifting her appointments to every 2 weeks soon.

The program runs 6 months, with his middle aged patients seen once monthly.

Oh .....another flag.....doc recently went on a beach trip, requiring attendance at a time share presentation/ambush.  Last week he told DD to "spank him" if he signed up.  I was stunned when he said "you don't have to whip me" to D D yesterday.  She recovered quickly, picked up her jaw, and asked how his trip went.  His eyes danced as he related how he resisted, but his wife was taken in, ready to sign, till he had their son, at University, talk her out if it. "They're very clever, with their mind traps.....creating urgency to form family memories around vacations."

He talked about a friend's polarity work curing stage 4 cancer in that friend's wife, over a weekend.  I commented Andrew Weil wrote a book on spontaneous healing, and the doc looked at me as though I had 2 heads.....as though I 'd interrupted him.

He asked DD if she'd be interested in the polarity work, which included a wand and many little magnetic cards with pictures on them....no trauma details would be necessary for this to work ....he seemed very focused on her answer.  I was interested in her answer, as well.

He told us again, his next week's temporary office is 10' wide x 30' long .....and I anticipated his asking her to arrive on her own.  He did not make that ask.  Instead, he said he was adding more treatment options....the brain clapping metronome stuff DD did at the brain center, for 1.

Apparently this doc had a brain injury and went to the same brain center we did. That neuro focused doc taught him how to do some if the work and DD said she was very familiar, as she'd done hours of it.

Doc also said he had a condition, he'd treated, in his brain where he would shake and spasm badly......he cured himself 90percent, by his reckoning.

I will end this by repeating a fact, I know, and impacts my ability to sit through these appointments with curiosity, rather than judgement requiring more re than my being present at appointments.

My Moss friend has relaxed around her dh's drinking, admitting she lost sight of his wonderful qualities, asked his forgiveness and noted how the drinking has diminished, based on her changes.  She's experiencing sea change level improvements in her emotional and physical (IBS) health she thought was impossible, but there it is.

Some treatments doc mentioned, he uses:
Torus field, metatrons cube and life alignment.....
already mentioned visceral manipulation, applying pressure to (sore)nerves while patient deep breaths, chiropractic and polarity work.

Doc says he's a skeptic too.  He had to see these work, with his own two eyes, before considering and training in them.  Seems he's been at most of them since the late 80', early 90s.

The journey continues, and ......I already know it's strange, but we chose him based on his nutritional/supplement work.  The rest has unfolded over time.

Lighter






« Last Edit: April 24, 2025, 11:55:43 AM by lighter »

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1203 on: April 24, 2025, 11:34:53 AM »
 Easter included my girls and their friends.  No bf this time.  All girly girls and we had a smashing time with little egg hunt, trivia game, Mahjong and youngest DD readying with 2 friends for a club's Gothic Easter Egg hunt themed night out, all 3 dressed  as the only bunnies in attendance. 

I cooked Chinese the next day with sweet chili chicken, snow pea tips, zucchini with onions/ sesame seeds, sweet baby bok choy with mushrooms and rice......0h ...along with wild mushroom and thyme deviled eggs, so good!!

I'm trying to recreate a bbq restaurant's vinegar based Cole slaw, with pickled onions and jalapenos now. It's DD22's favorite. 

Will see T today, mostly interested in discussing ending enmeshment and optimizing adulting for girls....getting out of the way, while remaining available, in appropriate ways, without overstepping.

I do this, bc DD22 expressed she's happy with my dealing with food decisions in the house, after I asked if she'd be cool with doing her own shopping/planning/food prep.  I'm here, dealing with my own food choices ....it seems logical I make that  available for her, but is it optimal?  Likely not.

There's many things to consider. 

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1204 on: April 24, 2025, 07:22:38 PM »
I am flabbergasted that DD, a young ADULT woman, is willingly going along to this doctor despite a collection of red flags that look to me like a large field of poppies.

Doesn't really matter the reasons/explanations (he's on the spectrum, he's very focused on her, has had this/that experience himself) ... my inner klaxon is bellowing.

Are you certain sure, Lighter, that "WE" chose him for her treatment/program because SHE is eager to follow this man's lead? And not, just possibly and not intentionally, that you have guided her to him?

No judgement on whatever it is, but I think he's (for whatever reasons) vastly boundary-ignorant and inappropriate for a health care professional of any kind.

N.B. -- She doesn't "have to" see him alone. Or at all.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1205 on: April 25, 2025, 06:25:52 PM »
Oh, it's many Normandy fields of poppies, Hops.  You're not wrong.

Right now, the juice is worth the squeeze, in DD's opinion. He's making a big difference in how she's feeling.  It's not my call.

Final analysis....
DD feels he's harmless, but socialized badly, as is the way in this Country for most men.  We can wish and hope it wasn't.... but it is.

That he's autistic, is very likely.

And....if we needed a reminder, to always select female doctors......
this is it.

Lighter


lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1206 on: April 28, 2025, 06:19:15 PM »
DD22 saw Doc/Mr.Man today, and he was back to his old, very appropriate, self. 

DD got a balance (holding breath while he put single finger pressure on neck and sciatic points), neck adjustment, and 2 supplements, for focus, during finals. 

He talked about imminent visit with BIL and SIL, particularly as it related to continued weekly visits.

  I'm not gonna lie.  I'm relieved he's still seeing DD weekly. 

Once he moves his offices, he's gonna want to do some trauma processing with her.  That came up, and if she'd looked sad, I think he would have begun today, but she was fine.

  I was feeling seriously flat....very relieved it was a short, productive, and normal appt today. 

As it was, he had someone in the waiting room.....a mother and maybe 7yo son. 

My T used to be in the same building with Mr. Man and calmed me quite a bit, regarding his jaw dropping statements.  She agreed....they were red flags, but thinks it's a harmless opportunity for DD to practice handling men......like.....maybe...... I've sheltered her from men?  I don't agree, but there it is.

T is referring another client to Mr. Man for IBS struggle.

It's funny how different people view the same facts.  I mean, seriously polar opposite responses, often enough, I should always assume consensus is rare to impossible.






lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1207 on: May 01, 2025, 08:48:37 AM »
Taking trash out this am....noticed  the cowboys had 2 police cruisers in front of their house.,... and the street had no cans out for pick up.

Pug and I turned around, went back in the house and checked the schedule.  It's a regular garbage day...... I think everyone embarrassed to be seen as snoopy, so not getting can out at usual time.  I finished getting trash together, heard cowgirl in nurse's drive.....peeked from back porch.
 She got into her car and left.  Not sure what she loaded, but it wasn't much.

Cowboy in drive with police officers as I wheeled trash to street.....he waved them farewell with his hat, as they left, then shot them a bird, with pumping action, checked mailbox....contemplated it for a moment,then shuffled back up the drive. He's putting a For Sale sign up now.  They have to be separated for 6 months before filing.  I hope they're considered separated already and this ends soon.

 I'm shot through, with adrenaline, from his shuffle their mailbox, as he was headed my way (and cowgirl picks up mail, daily, in the evenings.)

He's diminished, has no balance, no strength, no marriage,  no dexterity and only one eye, so no matter where the guns are, she has about a 50/50 shot, imo.

He's very angry and has time to sneak and plan, with only his rage to care for.  He can't put his eye in it out, on his own, or buckle his belt. 

Neighbors finally getting cans out ......mine is full, as I weeded And cleaned up front beds for hours yesterday. Yelly Guy whistled by and I ignored him, but completely neutral.  His wife chatted for a while.  Cowgirl drive asked if "he" was home....meaning Cowboy.  I had no idea deal, but saw DIL walk there with the the grandson.....call her.

Later, I saw a car in nurse's drive, as she's traveling......and turned to wave at a son or dil caring for plants, maybe?  It was the cowgirl, finger to her lips, motioning me to be silent, so as not to give away her position.  I saw cowboy in the street, by that time,  on his big zero turn mower.....then in their backyard..... he's up and moving.  I rarely see him these days.

I see movement at the street corner, where the son, DIL and adorable grandson live.  Cowgirl must be there.   

The pug gave the toddler 2 face bumps, with her flat littl face, yesterday.  He looked unhappy, opening and closing his fists......to be picked up.  I was so happy to hold him.  Eyes blue.....not light blue, like a husky.  Like my mother's and grandfather's, but light corn flower blue.

I'm having a late lunch with DD24, then seeing acupuncturist.  Will pack some pork chops and strawberries.....maybe make sticky rice, as DD happy to receive, today.  Not always the case. 

My sister arrives in 4 days.  I have 9 hydrangeas to plant, in the backyard, I think. Was planning at Lake, but I can't keep them alive this summer, me'thinks.....will be too hot.

The front yard brings zero peace, so backyard beds, for sure.

The contractor phoned last night.  Will meet next week...... he's about 3 weeks out, and an excellent carpenter.....sent pics of built in bunks with stairs that are drawers.  They look great. He can do everything , it seems.
Roof.  Gutters.  Siding.  Tile.  Electric?  Plumbing.  I'll check tile reserves at lake.....maybe enough left to do one bathroom. 

The journey continues.

Lighter