You paint a vivid image, in your description of father's behaviors.....learned helplessness, and so much more. Lot's of co-morbidity in the world.... overlapping symptoms and dx's......might be many answers, Meh. Not just one.
I find I wring my hands, so long, till something in my belly clicks. The click means I'm sick to death if being sick to death of trying to to figure out the misery puzzle.....of neeeeeding to make sense of something nonsensical.....that will never make any sense, and that's that. I'm bored, with the idea of thinking about it, ever again.
Such a relief, and maybe that particular "process" has shortened up, over the years, for me. Lately, I feel myself bounce, over things I used to land on......grip onto. Wrestle with. Bouncing feels like a shortcut to peace, IME.
Your mindful observations are huge, IME. That shift, into witnessing....is everything, IME. To calmly process traumatic behaviors.....yes.
Young Meh deserved better parents...... that's a very real truth I hope you internalize fully.
Your parents were/are broken. They would likely have done better, if they could. I don't think they were capable.
Lighter
