N.

[Meh]

Unrelated to anything kinda.

- So after the hassle of getting the social security card from relative -- I then get on a couple of busses and go to a staffing office so they can scan the card and birth certificate like they had said --- on the way there is someone on the back of the bus aggressively rapping about gonorrhea bitches and guns -- and I just don't look up I have a book and I'm already in core collapse probably - some other loud guy on the bus is commenting on the aggressive rapper to everything she says ---

I think "is the world filled with narcissists?"  "Am I hyper sensitized?" --- I don't look at them I can hear them.

Then I get off bus at staffing office with my SS card. The person at the front desk acts like they don't know what to do with my ID documents they had asked for. They say "I don't have access to that system" -- I say "does someone else have access to it?" (the system for them to take a copy of the ID info they need???)  --- I didn't really understood their response. They tried to ask me some questions about my availability for work and what type of work but they won't even take the ID they asked for... and I answered vaguely and told them I have an appointment to go to and I left.

This is the quality of my life right now. I just feel it's dumb and pointless.

Anyhow I am already moved on and refuse to get frustrated.

Yes at least I have located the card it will be useful I hope.

[sKePTiKal]

I guess that behavior could be narcissism Meh. There seems to be an epidemic of people who feel entitled to force their inner dialogues and emotions and maladjusted behaviors on anyone around them. Inconsideration? Need for attention? I dunno. I call it "cheese sliding off their cracker" syndrome. I suggest carefully backing away quietly from all that! LOL. There is a reason I'm a hermit.

As for the reality of modern life in any agency or public-facing business... it's a wonder anything at all happens in a reasonable manner. Ham-handed, broad stroke AI phone bots that don't adjust to the often unique individual needs of a real human being (coz they ain't programmed to - just keep repeating representative or push zero to speak to a real human)... and people who don't know which end of a broom to use or how to sweep. It's an expectation for me at this point, that I'm going to encounter this kind of entropy or incompetence.

Maybe it will get better someday; but it doesn't give me warm fuzzies about the future of mankind.

[Meh]

Yeah Skeptical

It's the places people hang out. Different places different types of behaviors.

I'm seeing more people obviously on drugs also. Flailing about like those wind-puppets in front of car dealers.

It's because I'm no longer in my safe bubble of my car and nice neighborhood. Oh well. I have to keep coping with it.

[Meh]

I had another therapy appointment and I want to journal about it as I feel something in the background edges of my mind that I'm having a hard time sticking my finger into. Fleeting vague thoughts like shadows.

It's related to my decision making problems, plan problems, anticipatory anxiety stuff.

I'm really not doing enough to make my life more stable. I've been very stressed about even the idea of what city to live in.

I keep telling myself that I will get stuck at a job I hate and a rental I hate. But I need to work around this. I do think there is just partially related to it the thing of belongingness and being tired of feeling like I haven't carved out a life where I belong. Because I think the whole like existential fear of being alone is related to it.

And maybe it's somewhat fear of abandonment I don't even know anymore. I have to be careful not to analysis paralysis.
 

[Meh]

I guess the fear of being alone to be more specific is the fear of being unsafe that something bad will happen.

It's not really the fear of being alone with oneself is it? No I don't have a problem with my own company.