N.

[Meh]

Some stress. Confirmation stress.

No way I can put down all the details.

Unfortunately I have found my self and at my N F's apartment after not seeing them for decades. It is filthy. They have maximum inertia. This morning I first cleaned out one of the two vacuums that are also covered in dust. I am allergic to dust mites have been tested for allergies years ago on advice of my general provider. Did the skin prick test. Anyhow. 1) I got a dust mask from a box which was also covered in dust. I grabbed the newer looking of the two vacuums and told my N. Relative I was going to clean it out... they started going into some long winded crap which I can't even listen to. I was taking some action they were going to fill up my ACTION with the sound of their own voice and their inertia and negativity. 2) I did the vacuum cleaning in the living area where I am sleeping on the floor. It's not a big area. There are several boxes of cardboard with unused stuff in them. Few days ago I found a pan of rotting food in one of the boxes tht had been sitting like that for two years when N Relative moved into this building. I cleaned under and behind the boxes and then I restacked them up in a much more tidy way. I wiped the surface of stuff down with a damp paper towel. Earlier I cooked some potato and boiled some eggs. I said I am going to put the food away soon if you want some go ahead before I stick it away. They said they would have some.... now they are just lingering around the kitchen but not eating so I can't go in there at the moment... I have decided to type and look out the window... it's only food getting cold it's not worth another argument. I will stay away from their proximity.

But here is the thing after cleaning I said "I took a benedryl don't be surprised if I fall asleep" ... I was just making a statement. They said they were going over to a neighbor's house to watch football earlier. Anyhow when I said I was going to take benedryl... they launched into talking about their health problems something they do all the time. Today right when I had told them I had taken a benedryl for my allergies they started saying they might take a pill for their back pain ALL OF A SUDDEN. They said nothing about it earlier. So even me stating that I am having allergy problems they have to somehow route everything back to themselves. Well they are just milling about right now as I don't look at them. They are not in any apparent pain all of a sudden like they seemed to be complaining about. Anyhow I eventually just reiterated what I said when they started complaining about their back. I just reiterated "well I am having allergy health problems." AND TO THIS THEY RESPONDED TO ME BY SWEARING AT ME AND GETTING MAD AND MEAN. The relative said something like "well than F me" but it's hard for me to type out how they said it. You see I had been wondering over the past couple days if the N actually has a touch of Autism because of the strange behaviors they've got. But This mean self centered outburst just now really seals the deal for me that they are "N," and I should NOT FEEL BAD FOR THEM.
 

[Meh]

I haven't seen this person in decades and I do not want to be here. Things are getting weird. I am waiting for them to leave as they said they would to go watch TV. I will probably try to lay down when they leave. They are still slowly milling about in the kitchen so that I can't put the food away like I said I would. And now they are going to sit down and eat the food I cooked right now. What a waste of time to be around an N. There are so many weird things that have transpired but I am not sure I am going to write them down. It doesn't matter what their diagnosis is... the diagnosis they never received.  It doesn't matter if it's conversational narcissism OR if it's Narcissistic personality disorder OR schizoid personality. What matters is that it has a bad impact on me. It is selfish, not self aware, argumentative, controlling. Very controlling. Okay I am going to put the food in the fridge as they are not standing in the kitchen and it will only take me a few seconds. And if they say anything I am going to do gray rock verbally. Few words as possible. 

[Meh]

They helped themselves to the food I got and prepared didn't say thank you didn't say it was nice. They didn't put the rest in the refrigerator.

I am tired and I do not want to be here. There is no privacy. There is no more of the narcissist being thrilled they are the center of attention. They didn't thank me for cleaning out their vacuum.

I have to get out of this situation.

When I first got here they were were talking in like this weak voice. Now they are loud jerks. It was an act.

They've still not taken their pain medication or given any indication of real sudden backpain. I am staring out the window and just watched a seagull from the adjacent building rooftop fly. Trying to do the most basic things... cleaning and eating... they've got to control all of it and try to make everything a moment of inert misery. The weird outburst today I am not going to like it sort of makes me nervous. The strange unpredictable landscape of their mental problems.

They had bags and bags of dusty papers and junk piled up in the living area and in their bedroom. I spent hours helping them shred papers they had hoarded... because the mess and dust filth id depressing to look at and i can't DO that. I can't look at filth and ignore it. I took out so many bags of garbage. Here is the sad thing. I went on Amazon and I ordered an inexpensive but nice new bed quilt. I was feeling sorry for them and depressed for them but also myself. I just can't understand why people insist on low functioning. Even with all the cleaning their room is still a mess and they've not made their bed with the nice new quilt. I hate being around this person because of how controlling they are. Just now they opened a draw sounds like they looked at a pill bottle and then tossed it loudly back into the drawer. They didn't take it though. I would hear them noisily gulping water.

"1:25 PM PST, followed by the Sunday Night Football game at 5:20 PM PST."

Had started to wonder if there is autism OR something like Diogenes syndrome OR from writing and Google  ....
had wondered if it was:

"The term you are looking for is passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD), which was officially renamed negativistic personality disorder in later clinical literature before its removal from the standard diagnostic manual.
While it is no longer an official, standalone diagnosis in the DSM-5-TR, its characteristics are still recognized as a problematic behavior pattern or part of other personality disorders."

I don't know WHY this above was removed from the manual. Also I don't care at the moment.

I am going to go ahead and apply all of the above. Controlling, covert narcissist, conversational narcissist, PAPD, dependency disorder etc.

They've got one friend in their building complex who is female and yesterday they awkwardly called that person and asked them if they wanted to "go shopping for underwear" at a local store. I heard the other person on the phone decline saying they didn't need anything. So N didn't go at all. ... few days ago I had offered to just order it on Amazon because I have a trial. They refused. They give irrational explanations "I don't want the boxes piling up in the mail room."

There was a posting on the bulletin board inside the building for haircuts.. I texted the person and she does it in your home and she is very very affordable. I let N know that the lady sounded nice etc. They refused. I don't care. It's just depressing looking at this person but it's not just all the outward stuff it's the gross mental landscape that leads to all of this. Anyhow. I heard N friend on the phone ask them N was going to get their haircut and N said no "they don't like all the people returning Christmas gifts and this is why they won't go to the barber shop... because you know lots of people are going to the barber to return Christmas gifts.

My benedryl is so kicked in right now I am tired. I will set my alarm for two hours or so and then maybe go for a walk.

- i did succeed in cleaning the area where I have to sleep.
- I did make breakfast
- I did some laundry
- I reflected
- I am going gray rock

I do not have to match their inertia. I do not have to match their negativity. I do not have to match their neglect. I do not have to match their self absorption.

- There is a book on tape about anxiety I half listened to. I want to finish listening to it at some point.

This relative person they may have co-morbid disorders....It's possible a person could be on the autism spectrum AND also have personality disorders. These are not mutually exclusive.


 

[Meh]

Googled about limited interests:

"Yes, static or limited interests—such as sticking to a few long-term activities for decades, while showing no initiative for new ones like learning —can indeed relate to certain personality disorders beyond autism. While restricted interests are a hallmark of autism spectrum disorder (a neurodevelopmental condition with early onset), similar patterns can emerge in personality disorders as secondary traits tied to rigidity, resistance to change, or emotional dysregulation, without the core social communication deficits of autism.

mdpi.com

For instance, in schizoid personality disorder (Cluster A), individuals often exhibit a limited range of emotional expression and interests, preferring solitary or repetitive activities due to indifference to social engagement or novelty. This can manifest as "static" hobbies that provide comfort without requiring adaptation or interaction, but it's rooted in detachment rather than neurodevelopmental fixation.

mdpi.com

 Similarly, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD, or anankastic traits in ICD-11) involves rigid adherence to routines, stubbornness, and inflexibility, which might limit interests to a narrow, familiar set—resisting new ones like a card game because they disrupt established patterns or require effort seen as unnecessary.

mdpi.com

 This aligns with the negativistic or passive-aggressive traits you mentioned earlier (removed from DSM but still discussed in psychology), where procrastination, inefficiency, and passive resistance to demands lead to inertia and avoidance of change.

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

In narcissistic personality disorder (Cluster B), limited interests might stem from entitlement or self-focus—disinterest in anything not enhancing their ego or requiring vulnerability (e.g., learning something new where they might "fail").

[Hopalong]

I do not have to match their inertia. I do not have to match their negativity. I do not have to match their neglect. I do not have to match their self absorption.

Love this, Meh. Inspiring mantra!
If it's an affirmation, research says it works best within the subconscious/brain if framed positively, though, as in:
I turn toward positive action. I turn toward positivity. I turn toward rest and nourishment (for ex). I turn toward interest in others. [It can be phrased any way you like, just an example....]

It sounds like you've just done a really Deep Dive on these disappointing people, so you understand your reasons for recoil. That's awesome.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

I recognize that need.... to understand nonsensical people, Meh.  To dissect, research and perform forensic acrobats.

You understand....you wrote it yourself.....
the important thing is how you feel.

That's what's yours to resolve.  Only that.  And it's a relief when everything else drops away, bc it will....usually does....IME.

Once Brother Mud wrote to me, on this forum....
"You'll never make sense of something nonsensical." I'm paraphrasing, but he wanted to save me from the extended puzzling, and needing nonsense to square up....I really needed it to.  Again.

Hops once wrote....."we stop when we become sick of ourselves being sick of ourselves being sick. " Again....paraphrasing, but a necessary thing to plod through, IME.

All the research helps.  Understanding there'll be no understanding, eventually, helps, ime.

You haven't asked for advice, or given enough info to hang it on, so will just say.....
you deserve to live in the light, with clarity, and understanding of your own true self. 

I fear you're in the dusty dark, for whatever reason....and it's not your darkness to fix, though I understand that longing.....and need to act. 

Once I realized I had no power to change, the things I can't change, it got easier.

No.....not easier.

It became possible, bc.....I fail either miserably
OR
do what I can, then put the story on the shelf, and turn back to the joy in front of me.

All things remaining the same....I win every time I choose joy, and responsiveness, over abandoning myself to things I didn't create, and can never change.

Wherever you are, Meh....you deserve the lioness's share of your compassion.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

I'm glad for you, that you tried to help "decent-fy" these people's living conditions even though you've given yourself permission not to like them, even if they can't help being who they are. That's pretty magnanimous of you. And now, they can't touch you anymore.

No, we'll never understand why people are like this. No, it's not our job to "fix" them. Yes, we have a life that involves way more enjoyable experiences. We are pretty fortunate that we do.