Anything again

[sKePTiKal]

Thanks for the tip on the fonts! I like your images.

Interesting directions to experiment with, in that AI explanation of physical play especially about balance. If you post an email address one of us can ping you, if you need help getting logged in from Dr. G.

[Dirty Hippy]

I figured the password issue out yay me.

[Hopalong]

Doggone it, I loved the name Boat That Rocks.
And made the transition okay to Meh.

And now...THIS????  Dang!     j/k

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Double take here too. But I see your tongue firmly in your cheek!

[Dirty Hippy]

https://youtu.be/kQRHBoq3Xp4?si=pt7kAgexQKFWSIwZ

[Hopalong]

I SO enjoyed that video!
For some reason I asked myself, why no female singers? But, ehhhhh, culture.

I can see why the group is so successful.

hugs
Hops

[Dirty Hippy]

- I decided not to go to church today
-- there is no reason I have to be a sheeple and keep doing it without thinking about why I am going
-- some days it's okay to have fewer destinations
-- I think I will go off to a cafe eventually once I make some toast etc.
-- not doing is also an act of self agency
-- I thought a lot about the social invitation I received and I feel stressed about it mainly the logistics of it but also I was reflecting on the mismatch of lifestyle
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Dirty Hippy]

-- Instead of hanging out with someone yesterday I kept thinking of the regret of not doing it but also I was tired
-- Sometimes there is tired that is cured by doing stuff
-- yesterday morning I identified a feeling of pressure in my chest but then I changed location and didn't want to start again

-- I'm just having morning coffee
-- In a while I will get on bus and go sit in a quiet place to do therapy thing
-- last Friday, Sat, Sun I was in a "down" phase sort of where I wanted to stop the therapy stuff
-- the therapy does take up my time and I feel like I am wasting the therapists time
-- I've been drifting for a few months not getting a lot done  <----

[sKePTiKal]

Me too. Lots of things on my list I want to do - but it's either too chilly making me want to cocoon or too hot, which means I'll be miserable. I did remember that pollen does this to me, some years. But it should be going away soon. I hope!

I dunno; I'm not beating myself up over being "lazy". I have some "have to" things coming up that I need to have a lot of energy/smarts for... sigh.

[lighter]

...."not getting a lot done."

And......in 100 years, what will it matter?

FYI.....healing some generational trauma WILL matter.

Receiving your own permission, to rest, without "earning" it....will matter, IME.

The stuff.....and getting it done.....just won't matter, not at all, but IME.

I wish I could go back and worry less about the stuff .....I really do.

In fact, I wish I could go back and fiercely refuse to worry at all.

Worry got me dysregulated and dumbed down to surviving.

There were so many things I wish I'd done instead.....choose an action, DO IT, then put the problem on a shelf.....turn back to joy, and only that.

What an amazing ride that could have been......if only.

But as they say....
No regrets, lol.

Onward and upward.  Here's to making better decisions/trying out different decisions every day.

Even if it's making coffee different, or wearing different pants, etc ....
I want less of habit, and more of what can be!!!  I want my brain to get feisty.....and choose differently....choose more, and better, and for my highest purpose.

Yes.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

In my case, I know it's the "inner critic" raising it's bully head again. A lot of problem solving takes a ton of energy. Mental exhaustion is a real thing.

I have a lot of ways to ignore it now.  <big grin>

[Dirty Hippy]

And......in 100 years, what will it matter?


Right Lighter

[Dirty Hippy]

-- Waking up here

-- I am going to meet a friend and I am feeling stressed about it -- going to meet them and then they are going to drive -- control freak part of me I guess is stressing about stuff like -- what if something happens -- what if I get stranded -- I hope I am not turning into a paranoid narcissist --

-- I think it's going to be a hot day here

-- I don't need to over plan this day but my brain wants to overplan it.

-- I should just take a shower -- water load before I leave so that I am pre hydrated and just give up on the rest

-- I feel tired I think I didn't sleep well

I feel I should not be hanging out with a friend but I've found that I am not being particularly productive recently.

If I say to myself go sit in cafe and work on stuff -- I sit there kinda space out and don't work on stuff.

clearly I need to do something different because my soul is registering my current attempts at being productive as fruitless --- Do A -- Get B - Failure and bad experience

Do C -- and get D mystery outcome idk

Anyhow I do think the therapist has kind of helped me see that I've got a lot of layers of stress "trauma" piling on like a layer cake. -- a series of just too many things not going well but then of course I feel like it's a weakness in me which causes stuff to go very badly anyhow I need to go into departure mode.

[Dirty Hippy]

Went hiking with new friend... it was really nice. Was worth all the effort. Felt like a very long day.