Anything again

[Dirty Hippy]

Now that the page is open don't want to close it in case can't open it again.

Feel like I've had a couple passing glimmers of meaningful thoughts today. Now I am so tired though also feels like I forgot them.

Vaknin says overt narcissists may have been misdiagnosed and they may be psychopaths instead and then the covert narcissists the only true narcissists. Not sure about that claim.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFHvv4bXFhg

[Dirty Hippy]

with narcissists words are not tools for communication; they are just tokens used to buy a specific reaction in the moment

[Dirty Hippy]

I come here and I read my prior msg and it's like I'm giving myself consoling advice.

My memory seems that bad like my brain doesn't retain wisdom even if I read it. I'm going to give myself a break and not beat myself up over not remembering stuff.

So I keep seeing a saying it's one of those annoying platitudes "don't let yesterday take up too much of today."

So I'm sort of always wondering how much self-analysis is helpful and what isn't I just don't know. Frankly it feels like a bit of a luxury to read a self help book and reflect on it. Doing anything self centered feels like a wallowing luxury? I don't know. Always struggle to articulate stuff. Maybe you understand anyways.

- I think I managed to unsubscribe from YouTube notifications to my emails omg.... so much spam to freaking clean out.

[Dirty Hippy]

I'm even getting spam from the library I don't go to anymore. Clearing clearing.

I'd like to meet the person who has the brain capacity to read every spam email even if it's legit like library. Okay no more talking about dumb stuff. Goal: Ruthlessly unsubscribe and delete.

[Dirty Hippy]

One wonders what is the normal about of frustration/anger versus what is that narcissist victimhood feeding their resentment thing.

I feel like these days I have been defaulting to negativity. Surrounded by bad people.

I know for a fact that I am not always like this. In better circumstances I feel more content/productive and positive.

Sometimes I worry I am no better or worse off than the narcissists. I'd like to tell them that they should have been mandatorily sterilized.

I dislike my own negativity I mean it scares me but also I think there is some truth to it. Like scratching around in my frustrations helps me kinda see things after awhile.

All I know is that somehow my brother and I ended up even worse off in our circumstances and problems than my parents. Whatever back to purging my emails.

[Dirty Hippy]

From X Amelia @amelia_tweetz 11h
"They took memory cards from us and made us pay for storage. They took CDs and DVDs and made us pay for streaming. They took software you could buy once and turned it into a monthly subscription. They took ownership, convenience, and basically everything that used to be a one-time purchase… then somehow made us pay for it every month."

[Dirty Hippy]

Decided to go to church today and I successfully brushed off the guy I was not interested in. Yay me. Like clockwork it's predictable. Had been avoiding church for a few reasons that person being one of them.

I'd like to be rich and have some dogs instead. Thanks.

[Dirty Hippy]

- I've started to read slowly bits of anarchist literature.
- I've started to read slowly bits of radical feminist lit.

I'm just a slooow reader.

Also, I'm probably not going to church tomorrow unless I just want to be an obstinate pain and look at stained glass windows for no reason. I still like the concept of sanctuary.

[Hopalong]

WOW!

Thanks to y'all's presence and persistence, and majorly Doc G's...at least today, it seems

THE BOARD IS BACK![/glow][/color]

I'm too busy doing a happy dance to articulate much of anything, but I had to change my browser which was suddenly "unsupported' -- same trick Apple used to make me....oh never mind. And maybe because I reverted to Chrome, old stuff came up again, and maybe in some weird inside-clockworks way that meant it'd all work again....

Couldn't be happier to be here! Catching up might take a while, but my update is: I'm happy, healing from a broken rib after falling out of the shower (halfway done) -- which Dr Google and I finally figured out is severe orthostatic hypotension (I asked doctors for AGES with no clear explanation), enjoying C the BF with reservations but no suspicions, it's just wiring/personality stuff, cuddling with Pup, seeing a few friends now and then, and that feels like a full plate. Still volunteering with our Village and loving the fascinating, really-old folks. Bit financially antsy due to home repairs and a couple needed improvements. My dysfunctional dishwasher turned out to be plumbed wrong but it was only $420 (!!) to have the connections reset properly. AAAAGGghhh. This was after $100 for the appliance repairman. These weighty issues take up a good bit of my brain-battery drain. ALL IS WELL.

Biiiiiig hugs to all,
Hops