Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Making amends

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rosencrantz:
Honestly, Clueless - you don't sound like an N at all!!!  More like the victim of one.  When your inner core has been denied and rejected so thoroughly, you'll end up raging at anyone who comes too close.  It doesn't mean you are an N - tho I think we all have some unhealthy narcissism to deal with unless we were very lucky in our parents.  Being defensive, not being able to express your feelings, is not about N-ism.


--- Quote ---he said "oh" and went to bed
--- End quote ---

--- Quote ---I'm not blaming him
--- End quote ---
Maybe not, but perhaps you should expect to feel angry at such a response.

Are you using these labels to give people permission to treat you badly. "If I admit I was in the wrong, THEN you'll be able to love me"??? I've been there.  It doesn't work, you know!! ;)

Actually, labels don't matter.  Somehow you miss the point looking for labels.  I read a description of how the victim of an N feels and knew that this was MY experience.  Wow, knock me over with a feather.  And I had thought noone could ever believe me (and therefore I must be wrong) so I just hid it all away.

But if you're confused and still searching for pieces of the jigsaw then you probably haven't found the right label yet.

You're 'in transition' from one kind of life to another.  Give yourself time to grieve for the past, spend some quiet time in the present, then move on into your brighter future.  You can give up the story of your past 'just like that'.  It's only 'your' version of a past life.  There'll be 20 more different versions out there if you ask around.  

You're diffeent now and the past is gone.

Start from now.

Good luck
R

Clueless:
Hey rosencrantz,

Thanks for all the support and kindness.

You're right about being in transition, but I just want to come home emotionally, stop obssessing about myself and be there for other people again! But it's been so long I'm not sure they'll want me anymore. All I can do is try to be there for them and for my partner and not be so alone anymore. I still think I have a lot of N-traits because I'm so closed and so unable to really [/i]be there for other people, but I hope I can change. starting from now!

Anonymous:
I think you're right Rob. I'm not sure my dad really sees any of us or knows any of us, but I've to try again before I become just like him. I've been so consumed with my own problems (no work, no where to live etc) that I've kinda cut myself off from everyone. I can't tell you how ashamed I've been that I of all people should be having problems (an N-ism there?) that I've basically gone into hiding! I know there's no happily ever after, but I've got to try and I'm starting with my dad. Defenses down, try again, and see what happens. I'll let you know.

Clueless:
Arghh, that was me not logged on!

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