The thread that was written, Resolutions Anyone, fell to the bottom without much response. I think it was because it was too threatening and challenging for the members here. That is another twist on why some comments are ignored Like if a nerve is hit, if it hits home and many are not ready to deal with it.
As of now there are 8 replies-not bad. Sometimes it takes longer for replies to come in. What I can say with certainty is that what you describe wasn’t near the reason I personally didn’t reply to it . Perhaps this was your message and you are feeling ignored and hurt over it (?)
Is it that you're afraid to move on to the next class, where you will lose your role as Mentor, and instead become student? It is a question that needs to be asked. Especially if you, as mentor, are sometimes hurtful or callous, or closed minded.
To focus on this the way that you are (degree & specific wording), something more definite and deeper is very obviously bothering you about the board. Maybe you feel slighted by, and resentful toward, specifically someone you feel acts like a mentor here in your eyes, for something you perceive happened, or didn’t with you.
Many of you who have been here for a while need to ask yourself, why are you here, especially those who do not have Narcisists in their lives on a daily basis. I wonder, what are they doing here?
The answer is really a no-brainer. Getting involved with a narcissist, remaining with them for years, and having a near breakdown when the horrible relationship ends (when one should have happily ran for dear life years prior) is only a
symptom of the
already existing troubled state of the self. There is a whole slew of inner issues that former long-time partner’s of narcissists need to discover and deal with. Pre-existing deep rooted issues that
caused them get in, and to remain in that type of abusive relationship in the first place. Issues of voicelessness, anxiety, depression, low sense of self esteem/worth, etc can all be part of our make-up that contributed to our time with an N, and many times it may only be
when N is gone that these issues are even being recognized. So there is a lot, if not much more to look at and to talk about
after N is gone.
If it is an N parent, child or sibling that someone has cut off all contact with (i.e. N is no longer in their lives daily) it is the same thing. There are so many lifelong peripheral issues that need addressing and healing, from having had a parent, child or sibling as a narcissist.
And from what I understand, this board is not only about how to deal with and how to leave a narcissist for those who have them in their lives currently, but as Dr. Grossman already pointed out, many other inner issues that tie in with voicelessness.
What need is being fulfilled?
I can only speak for myself as to when I write a message attempting to be supportive to someone. I am often so very touched by and in sync. with empathy in people’s struggles and pain, and I feel the want (I wouldn't use “need") to try to offer any ideas that come to mind, or just say a few words of encouragement. It is the want of at least trying to help, born out of knowing all too well the feelings of pain, hopelessness, helplessness, deepest despair, etc., versus remaining silent to someone’s outreach.
Besides, isn’t that what your (or someone with you whom you seem in sync. with) original message was about? Troubled because of being
ignored? Now you seem to be asking why people are
replying consistently in a helpful way?
A contradiction. It is hard to tell what is truly bothering you, specifically. You’ve skirted around your issue and really haven’t said in detail, what you are upset about.
Another thing that comes to mind... When I reply to a message, I have thought a lot about the issue the person is presenting. This also always helps me so much to sort out
my own issues in the same area. So, when I reply to someone else it is often also healing to me at the same time. I guess you can call it a way I am “fulfilled”, as you say. I am working through my own stuff as well, as things that others bring up as struggles cause me to recognize and reflect on the same things within myself, many times.
Finishing up here, I can tell you that it would have been helpful if you just came out and said who you felt ignored you, on which thread/s, and how it made you feel. Amends could have been made and you would have known the truth behind your
assumptions that what you wrote (or what others write) didn’t matter, and the truth behind your
assumptions as to why people might remain here for what
you feel for some reason, is too long a time.
BT
