last post-just wanted to talk

[bkkabri]

I never had a problem with her ambition.  I never had a problem with her career.  Its just that now she thinks she is some kind of god and looks down at me because she wants to talk in detail her day with all the medical terms and such.  I am not a doctor, talking about disease is tough because I am not around this stuff everyday.  I guess I just feel bad because I didnt realize her obsession with her career.  In the end she told me that the guy she wants will realize she is a nurse practitioner and that she will work alot of hours and she has no interest in coming home to be the woman in the relationship.  If I wanted her, I should have accepted her for the good, bad and ugly.  All I wanted was to support each other and start building memories that could make our relationship grow.  She never loved me.  I have to accpet that she said the words, maybe bought some things, but the intamcy was never there.  I kept hoping it would change.  It never did.  I miss her so much(the good times that is).  P.S.  I gave up comedy.  In my opinion, women want a guy who can make them laugh, but not a comedian.  I retired.  I dont want to lose another girl because she might be threatened by my ability to stand up in front of 100 strangers and make them laugh.  Its over for me.

[Bloopsy]

I just had to chime in when I heard that you are giving up your passion for comedy so as not to "intimidate" women----you need to be yourself for people to truly love you you need your passion. Please don't give it up. I know it's hard, but it sounds to me like you are punishing yourself.

[Anonymous]

BK

Below is all about the N READ THE WEB SITE LINK YOU WILL UNDERSTAND...

PLEASE CONFIRM YOU AT LEAST LOOKED

Its just that now she thinks she is some kind of god and looks down at me because she wants to talk in detail her day with all the medical terms and such. I am not a doctor, talking about disease is tough because I am not around this stuff everyday. I guess I just feel bad because I didnt realize her obsession with her

You have grown apart before you got anything started

I guess I just feel bad because I didnt realize her obsession

Maybe you changed, but she wasn't supposed to.

P.S. I gave up comedy. In my opinion, women want a guy who can make them laugh, but not a comedian. I retired. I dont want to lose another girl because she might be threatened by my ability to stand up in front of 100 strangers and make them laugh. Its over for me.

Yes, she said the WORDS.... READ ABOUT THE N.

She never loved me. I have to accpet that she said the words

IT'S A FEELING YOU CAN GET PAST IT... KEEP BUSY WITH FRIENDS

I miss her so much(the good times that is).

She has moved on, keep reading about the N so you will understand what you're obsessing about.

Try to read some of my post and help me out.
I haven't gone thru the part where your at and I'm no expert.
I hope I won't miss my N as much as  you're missing yours.

I'm sorry. maybe looking at someone else's problem will allow you to see a way to work thru this.
Things happen for a reason thinking what could've happened if you had gotten married may have been more of a nitemare.

BK
keep busy and I would wonder if maybe you were happier being in comedy. Go back to a time you were happy before the X. It's all you can do to stay healthy.

onlyrenting

[Anonymous]

What a rich, loaded statement:

I dont want to lose another girl because she might be threatened by my ability to stand up in front of 100 strangers and make them laugh.

Think about these things. It might help you figure out your LIFE:

What do you get from 'having' a girl? What does a relationship mean to you? Be specific. Is it sharing thoughts, doing things, sex, comfort, friendship, similar interests, political beliefs..having kids....etc

Do you want a relationship where someone might be threatened by any aspect of you? If they're frightened....they're not mentally mature are they? What would frighten you about a girl?

Did you enjoy making people laugh? If so, don't give it up. Please don't give up something you enjoy. You have to enjoy life WITHOUT another person. On your own. By yourself.

[Anonymous]

bkkabri,

As I read your post, painful feelings and thoughts resonated from days past (and passed). I have a lot I can say to you, but I’ll say all that really matters.
#1    
“Live well.  It is the best revenge.”
# 2    
Regarding your dad… maybe you might try visiting a nearby nursing home and spend a few individual minutes with several residents. It will be much appreciated, welcomed, and healing for all concerned. Chances are you’ll probably find someone you connect with. Go a few times and notice what it offers them… and then notice how you feel. This is all part of the same life.  You have a lot to give—so give it!  I guarantee you can trust this!
#3
Be yourself at all times. That’s the way to find someone who loves YOU!

Did you see the movie Aviator by any chance? Howard Hughes was brilliant and he was obsessive compulsive. This led to great achievements on the positive side, and also led to his demise on the negative side.  It's important to focus on maintaining some balance in our lives…especially when it’s hardest.

Focus on what really matters to you and those around you.  Good Luck in your search towards healing.

BJ

[Anonymous]

"The narcissist inflicts pain and abuse on others. He devalues sources of supply, callously and off-handedly abandons them, and discards people, places, partnerships, and friendships unhesitatingly. Sudden shifts between sadism and altruism, abuse and 'love', ignoring and caring, abandoning and clinging, viciousness and remorse, the harsh and the tender - are, perhaps, the most difficult to comprehend and to accept. These swings produce in people around the narcissist emotional insecurity, an eroded sense of self worth, fear, stress, and anxiety ('walking on eggshells'). Gradually, emotional paralysis ensues and they come to occupy the same emotional wasteland inhabited by the narcissist, his prisoners and hostages in more ways than one - and even when he is long out of their life."

Article: Other People's Pain by Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/npd/76632

[bkkabri]

the last quote from Vargen is exactly what I feel inside.  I am paralized by this woman.   I just hate the fact that this whole thing started because of her career.  I understand its a big change in life, but why dump on me as soon as you get the job.  I helped her with her decision.  She actually had the nerve to tell me I would divorce her because I wont like going to medical related functions because I dont like to dress up.  I wear a suit and tie every day.  I give up.  I am not going to let this woman win.  I read the statement from Vargan and it hits me because the one friend I know of she had she dumped on for nothing and told her to get lost.  This was a four year friendship.  I talked to the friend and she says she doesnt understand why she would be so cruel but she was.  thanks everyone, you have been kind to help me.  I am seeking therapy.

[Anonymous]

Good luck Brian. It's a very positive move. Maybe when you feel a little different you'll come back and maybe help some of us out too? We're all in this emotional survival business together! Best wishes.