Anyone married to a spouse from a narcissistic family?

[anonspouse]

My husband is from an extremely narcissistic family.  He never said no to either of his parents, ever.  His family is wealthy, and both his parents are very imposing in presence.  He came across to me before we married as someone who was extremely caring.  He is; but he has an overwhelming need to please.  Pleasing someone then makes him feel rage.  This is something I discovered early on, and I tried to avoid asking him to do anything for me.
We are now separating.  He has not worked steadily in over 4 years, and this, coupled with his inability to handle parenting a teenager, has made our lives impossible.  Hopefully he can find the strength and help he needs to finally begin to discover what HE wants to do, what HE feels; it has baffled and frustrated me to no end the entire time we have been together (17 years) that he NEVER seems to know what he wants.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?  What did you do/are you doing?

[Anonymous]

My H was a "momma's boy." His mother caused no end of trouble because she considered him her husband (she divorced his father decades ago). I was like the "other woman" in the picture. She's deceased now (thankfully). The differences between my situation and yours: we have no children; his mom wasn't wealthy; he works at a regular job; and we're both in therapy. I don't know if you ever tried couples counseling. It might not have done any good, though; your H sounds very immature.

I'm sorry about the situation and I hope your life will be better now.

bunny

[Anonymous]

1. My bfriend has a Nmom and a copdependent father, so do I. My bfriend split with his parents two years ago, it was a kind of escalation and since that  we do not have any contact anymore, which seems to be the right thing. We have enough to do dealing with my toxic Nparents. Of course he suffered hard and has some wounds left. He is lacking empathy sometimes. He has a steady job and is trying to climb up in the business world. But he is working on it. With my help. He is able to apologize if ge gots angry, but he rarely does it. He basically did his own thing since ages so he has less back issues. He seperates from his parents when he was young.

2. I have a girlfriend who has an NMIL and a husband with Ntraits. They have troubles all the times with the NMIL. Limited contact I would say. But the husband does not do it because he is afraid of loss of his heritage. His father is death. Lots are. That will cause my girlfriend even more pain.

If the spouse is NOT having a steady job and is not limiting the contact with his Nparents, I would remove myself from that scene too. Everything else,  in the long run would be to stressful. All the reoccuring conflicts. BAH. I could not take that anymore. I have enough with my own parents and being happy when that comes to more limitation.

For me my spouse has to do something for living. I do not have or make enough money to support my spouse. I do not even know if I would support a spouse totally if I could. I always think it is good if we are not that dependent on the spouse and have the possiblily to get on by ownself in the case we have (For example spouse dies or become ill). Each spouse should have at least a good education, a job education and have its own health insurance and pay into an own small retirement found. And if that is not the case, I would  try to work on that.  I found out, the more independent we are, the better work the relation works. Of course, there are times if one spouse is rasing kids and is doing less. In my case I have only one kid and therefore I can still do a little work. Makes me feel better. Samantha