New. Hi.

[no1where]

Only child of an Nmom.
Nmom's idiom was rage, fear, headgames, control, and guilt. Whee.

Humorously enough, she was literally always in the freakin' mirror. Real vain.

Needless to say, it wasn't too difficult for me as a layman to fathom which specific disorder marked her maladaptive personality. LOL.

I, wisely, avoided living with her as often as possible.  As a result, my interpersonal relationships have been generally positive.  I think I vowed as a youth to never let anyone treat me like my mother did.

I'm still a little dysfunctional, mind you.  I've been in college for ten years, for instance, to avoid the stress of the real world. I smoke too much pot. I escape into books and research articles a little too intensely.  PTSD reactionary.  Cyclic depression.  

Recently,  I met a very sexy, charming man.  Dark, Jack Nicholson meets Val Kilmer with a touch of Ron Jeremy thrown in low, if you know what I mean.  

Love and talk of marriage <i>the first night!</i>
Two weeks later and the jealous accusations began.
Followed closely by a lovely expression of delusional paranoia and self-inflated worth.

At the same time, this dude was insulting an aspect of my personality that I KNOW I don't possess. I'm extraordinarily intro/extrospective.  I'm not a Psychology major (nMom was), but I know projection when I hear it.

And then I fixed his computer which he crashed by being an porn-horny idiot and not using an anti-virus program.  Then he got another virus and blamed me, and demanded I fix his computer because I owed him. Wha?? Then he screamed at me for not putting the screws back in the case, because I didn't do my job. I had NEVER encountered this sort of behavior before.

About a week later, or two weeks ago, which ever way you wanna look at it, I had a PTSD breakdown, I only have breakdowns when I'm being abused.  I stopped communicating with him.  He responded with 70 phone calls a day, screaming vile names and hanging up.

Honestly, I've never seen anything like this in my whole life.  Christ, the man is 45 years old!  Luckily, he's good looking enough to scoop up available "supply" elsewhere and has ceased calling me.

Something in me doesn't tolerate abuse.  I probably should be as co-dependent as they come, but I'm not.

Now, what is it that I've learned that some other N abused chillin' haven't internalized?  

Or maybe I'm a psychopath. LOL
(I'm not. I'm avoidant, BTW)

Hi.  Bye.

 
 

[serena]

Well, if you can thank Mommie Dearest for anything - she gave you the ability to see Narcissism at a very early stage in this relationship.....

[BlueBelle]

What a luck escape!  He couldn't even behave long enough to marry you!

[bunny]

Hi again.

Check out this paragraph (from an article that people on this group have liked):

2. Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. "The Loser" typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship.

The entire article is on http://www.drjoecarver.com/ and is called "Identifying Losers in Relationships."

It can happen to anyone. The best thing (which you did) is to get rid of the person as soon as you can.

bunny

[mirror2]

Interestingly enough, I had the opposite experience.  My N ex never said he loved me, was friendly but not intimate for a long time - months - before we ever kissed.  We never married, and he never, ever made any kind of commitment to me.  I managed to fill in all this missing stuff with my own 20-year-old fantasies and low expectations coming from an emotionally cold home.  And I managed to convince myself that he was just shy and introverted.  Now I understand just how he managed to manipulate, control, and isolate me by withholding all the most important parts of himself, even decent sex!  And I kept putting out like an abused dog.  I think he has now used this emotionally fragile, artistically sensitive persona to hook his next victim.  He is none of these things.

As an aside, I lurked on this message board for about 8 months before I posted for the first time last night.  I couldn't even put out there what I was going through before, and now that I feel mostly restored it feels okay to describe.  But I can tell I still need a lot of time before I could even contemplate being in another relationship - everything is still too fragile and I'm well conditioned to pleasing others at my own expense.

Be very glad you were able to figure out this guy early on.
Mirrored.