Anything

[Meh]

I always figure I am going to be fired for something lame where I work. This weekend while I was working I got a phone call for a different department that is closed on Saturday and Sunday I told the person just to call back in during the week Monday-Friday and somebody from that group can set them up with whatever it is they need help with, in this case it was discounted products... the guy was really a jerk and I felt like I was being interrogated. I think it was somebody from the corporate office. Now I am going to be all concerned about it for the next two weeks until I hear a complaint or not. Shrug. Nothing new. Watching a movie again.

[Meh]

More movies, more food.

[Meh]

Had all the ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies and have had it for a 2-3 months now, due to not wanting it to go to waste and just feeling like making something or like I SHOULD I very hastily grabbed a cookie recipe because they are more or less all the same right...

Well it ended up being twice the amount of cookies that I normally make. So now late at night I am waiting the last batch to cool down so I can plop to sleep because today was my "Monday" aka first day of my work week.

I ate 3 of the cookies with milk and yes it is always better than any store bought cookie. Hot out of the oven its the only way to go.  

And that is all for today. Oh and my landlord finally changed two hard to reach light bulbs that needed to be fixed for monthsssssss. Yay for the little things in life. Sad right.

I'm reading people's cool quotes

Eh and I'm too tired again, all my days end the same, I always stay up too late feeling like there are too many things to do, and read and people to catch up with etc. And then I look at the clock, its past midnight and I am exhausted and I have to put myself to bed, happens all the time.

[Meh]

The cookies were great shared them and ate them ALL. Only one left now..

The person that I thought was a corporate headquarters spy called back again and I think he is just a regular customer.

I'm just sort of hot and bored of my life and lacking exercise. Watching a movie

[Meh]

Waking up with coffee. Waiting for my roommates to finish showering and clear out so I can bake cookies.

[Meh]

And many lazy hours later of somewhat ineffectual cleaning however that is spelled cookies in the oven

[Meh]

Making a quiche

[Hopalong]

I want some!
(Has to be veggie though.)

I am muddling along okay but haven't been feeling very productive this summer.
Not worrying too much about it  I think like you Boat, it's just about nearly all I got
to slog through the 40 hours at a job I don't love.

Usually in fall the changing weather perks me up a bit, but summer is still my
favorite season. I love love love wearing lighter clothes and love the light--not
just outside but inside.

Visited a new friend yesterday who lives way up a hill and I realize that as
charming as it is in a lot of ways I wouldn't even want to live full-time in close
woods. It was lovely and cozy but for me, a bit claustrophobic.

Tonight I"m hosting a meeting--a conversation group that's a small part of
a larger initiative at my church called Undoing Racism. Just so you know we
are grandiose! (But well intentioned.)

hugs
Hops

[Meh]

@ Hops yah, I like summer clothes also they are just more comfortable. In the winter its mittens, hats, scarves, sometimes boots, umbrellas, an extra pair of socks in my bag and ughhh I dont want to think about it. It makes me feel cranky to feel like I am packaged up ready to be shipped in the mail. I better make an attempt to wear all of my dresses before summer is over. I'm sort of lazy sometimes I just wear the same dam pants every day.

Have fun with your grandiose plans

[Meh]

Watching a movie that has Jennifer Aniston in it, over eating, menstruating, glad the week is zipping by and scary how the weeks zip by.

Talked to my mother on the phone. She was pleasant, she has occasional lapses where she falls into a style of relating that she usually reserves for her sister. Its like when she is pleasant and nice its a temporary lapse of judgement she is having. Or if she is honest that is another lapse of judgement but whatever.

Watered the plants. Ate a can of chili. I sort of want to quit my job so that I can buy a plane ticket and go. For about a month. Take a month vacation but it would be me hanging out by myself which is not fun. 

[Meh]

Having a glass of organic wine that is better than I thought it would be/ with cheese and watching a video. Have been "sketching" today at work since the weekends are quiet.  I want to paint, hard to believe its been years and its sad. Cant remember what else I was going to write.

[Meh]

Tired. Company meeting rolling out some cloaked restructuring plan blah blah. Made us do some stupid exercise where we(employees( are all depicted as robots with hearts because now we "care" we are customer care instead of customer service. Ughhhhh

Last customer of my day I talked to for 40 mins. I felt like she took me on a crazy train ride because every 30 seconds she was looking at a different product not really focusing on anything. I told her my shift was over twice and that I needed to go and to call us back after she had spent more time browsing first. I feel like its impolite or something but the convo was showing zero sign of wrapping up or starting to have real focus and I just was itching to go home so bad. Normally I just stay at work for however long I need to finish a conversation that is resolution or action..  but ughhh other times I just want to get the F away from customers.

Somehow in the meeting I am the person who ended up speaking in front of the room about the dumb team building bullshit presentation. Another ugh since I wasn't planning on it and I even think I had a small bloody booger on the right side of my face LOL. No clue how that occurred.

Big Arghhghghhghghghghgh

I have taken all my customer complaints and not its like I am in complainer mode myself all the time. I dont really want to look for a new job but I need to do something. >(look for new job)<

[Meh]

respite, release, pause, re-plan, self-collect

[Meh]

Raked up plant debris in the front yard for hours. I feel good. Tired

[Meh]

just living listening to music that is no longer hip hehehhe..

sitting by myself in my room, half decided that I would try to do small oil paintings at the kitchen table and sticking a note next to it saying its wet  

part of a daily painting technique that some people do

was reading an article about luxury and art

was reading an article about love/passion and art  

does passion = luxury....  or  is it a luxury to do something life affirming or is art as life affirming as survival is.... ya know

oh ... half considering subjecting myself on internet dating.   but I feel old

after going through the homelessness thing I LET GO or LOST any plans for the future I had pictured in my mind

now its like I have no plan.... I feel like I should have a plan that is more than THIS what I am doing at the moment

also plans have to be doable, any plan that is too grand is just going to depress me

what kinds of plans do people make AFTER their first plans slipped away  

I just live daily, I feel like its good enough to just be warm and safe and okay. But I feel like this isnt good enough for the rest of the world. I am not good enough by normal expectations.

shrug. I will go get some small canvases perhaps maybe just 3 or 5 to start with.  and paint something (I have some ideas)  

I dont want to put my face on a dating site it feels embarrassing, and how can people know what they are getting into with these sites  ugh  

See:    http://www.dailypainters.com/

I spend so much time at my dumb job, the lady who sits right across from me has made a point to befriend me which is very nice. Perhaps I should be nicer idk. Otherwise there is nobody else at work that I am really friends with.

I think Fall is coming.