NPD or just a F@!#$

[Screamer]

I have a question for all. How do we know if the person in our lives is an NPD or just a complete A@!$#hole.  

As I have mentioned, I belive my mother is an N. However, I often wonder about my ex husband. He was terrible to me.  Everything was about him, the world persecuted him, and all of life would be better if not for me.  

He also expected that I worship him, just because he was my husband.  He once said... and I quote, "I am your husband; I am to be reverenced"  No he wasn't kidding, or just being sarcastic.  He said this with all sincerity.

He also wanted me to call him "Lord" and was very angry when I refused.

I've been questioning this however.  Is he NPD or just a bad person with no personality disorder at all.

Screamer.

[Anonymous]

I'm just a lay person, but if he wanted you to call him "Lord" and got mad if you didn't, I'd say he was at least a garden variety whack job. Wow!!! Sorry you had this piece in your life.

[bunny]

Some things that make me think "NPD": I hear about someone who manipulates every interaction, is a pathological liar, paranoid, flies into violent rages, can't hold a job because of problems with authority, feels entitled to be financially supported, feels entitled to severely abuse the family with no inhibitions, makes plans to rip people off, or to commit criminal acts, and continually tries to destroy people around them. If the person is merely an a**hole I might give them a pass on a PD but they need to be cast aside anyway.

I don't know about your ex but he sounds very strange to me, to say the least.

bunny

[Anonymous]

True narcissisists are a little more reality-connected than "Call me Lord". I think whack-job sounds on target to me. Dispense immediately and don't look back.

[Dawning]

And...just to add a little levity to the already excellent advice given to you:

If he called you *Lady* then you'd have something worth considering.  This *Lord* crap sounds like self-appointed guru talk.  Those types can drive a person crazy.  And you deserve better.  Glad to hear he is your EX.  Move on....

xo

[Anonymous]

Some things that make me think "NPD": I hear about someone who manipulates every interaction, is a pathological liar, paranoid, flies into violent rages, can't hold a job because of problems with authority, feels entitled to be financially supported, feels entitled to severely abuse the family with no inhibitions, makes plans to rip people off, or to commit criminal acts, and continually tries to destroy people around them. If the person is merely an a**hole I might give them a pass on a PD but they need to be cast aside anyway.

I don't know about your ex but he sounds very strange to me, to say the least.

bunny

He may be an N by this definition.  He fit the following:

paranoid,
flies into violent rages,
can't hold a job because of problems with authority,
feels entitled to be financially supported,
feels entitled to severely abuse the family with no inhibitions,
makes plans to rip people off, or to commit criminal acts,
and continually tries to destroy people around them[/list:u]

I put him out of my life years and years ago.  I am fortunate to be with a wonderful man today.  I was just wondering the differences between an N and a jerk.

My mother doesn't fall into these categories however.  She is more subtle, controlling, manipulative and degrading to me.  She puts me down in public, but does it in such a way that it comes off like a joke.  However, the intent is clear... make me look bad and her look good.

Anything I do on my own could have been done better if she was had been consulted.  Stuff like that... Do you think she is an NPD?

[bunny]

Whether your mother has a personality disorder I don't know. She sounds extremely difficult and hard to take. That's bad enough.

bunny

[Anonymous]

To be added to the description:
-sense of feeling superior to others, disregarding others
-guru attitude *I know it all*, giving endless lessons & never accepting any
-relentlessly trying to obtain others'approval, by any means, at any cost
-treating others as objects as means of N supply
-pretending to care about others, for the sole purpose of increasing their own N supply
-cannot take criticism since they feel always right
-lying to themselves constantly

[Dawning]

To Guest above:

You just made a list of my mother and father's characteristics.  I shall print that out.  Thank you for sharing your insights.