I guess I dont know how to write very well and I realize I am obsessing. The problem is nobody understands what the message is I am trying to understand in my head. Your a great number of years, I have dealt with emotional abuse, AIDS, bulimia, bi polar, homelessness, and now narcissism. Each time I sit with the people I love they act friendly and caring towards me. I genuinely love each of them and in the beginning they act like they love me back. Then without any reason, they look at me and say "your no good." My dad sat at the table and threatened suicide, my brother eats garbage off the ground, my first ex throws up in my bath tub and cries at the dinner table making me look like I did something to her in front of strangers. This new girl, I thought I did my homework on. She has a career, seems intelligent, kind of shy, but very open to me. I told her about my dad because some of her stories opened wounds. I didnt mean disrespect to her career, only to let her know that sometimes it hurts to know people have to feel pain and suffering. I had no empathy for understanding. Instead she thought it was a personal attact on her career. I also tried to sit with her and be her friend. Instead of laughing, she cursed me because of her insecurities. She devalued me. The point I am trying to make is that I dont understand why people I care about act so normal, and then freak out beyond normal situations. I feel like maybe I am the crazy one because this never happens to my peers. My friends say its bad luck. I am starting to beleive that people only come to me thinking I can solve their problems. I cant. I only want to be a friend. A lover, a husband, somebody you know who wont leave you hanging. I was always there for her, but I am not a mind reader. I feel like I cant be human with emotions because they take it as that I dont care for them. I would really just like someday to call a friend that I love and say would you like to meet for dinner, and they accept and dont freak out on me about other women's tits. I would really like to get a Xmas present that somebody special noticed about me and thought I would appreciate. I hate Xmas, I always get the worst gifts from people I love. Porn is so hurtful because she actually wouldnt let the joke go. I just cant beleive I was making a joke and she couldnt understand. I bought her the most beautiful things that she needed and she could care less. I am not trying to obsess. I am trying to understand why people think so low of me. I thought I was a great guy. I have alot of friends. What I dont have is that person that I love and who loves me back unconditionally. She said I was it, her best friend. Well my best friend left me because I didnt give her 80% of my day. I didnt know any of this I hope you people understand I am not trying to feel sorry for myself. I am trying to understand why I do good for people, and they feel its ok to shit on me like I was nothing. That is what I hurt so bad inside for. I expected Deena to love me for noticing she looked nice. I expected her to appreciate the gifts I bought from the heart. I expected to be able to call my dad and brother and say how would you guys like to meet up for a beer sometime. Maybe catch a game. I never had that, I never will. I thought I would at least have a woman to share my life with and respect each others needs. It kills me inside that I am not a doctor, because I would have listened. Her obession with her career really just took over and now I mean nothing. Just like I mean nothing to my dad and brother. I am trying to find peace. Deena was that peace for me. Somehow I blew it. Even if it wasnt my fault, I still lose because her mind says YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME. In reality, I care alot. She just wont see it.