narcissistic comment or not

[Anonymous]

I think this is a narsissistic comment but I once went to my mother and told her how I felt when I was about 13 and scared because I dissociated for the 1st time, and she thought a minute and said, I'VE never felt that way. I admit I felt very dismissed and ashamed and needless to say spent many years and most of the time hiding how I felt except when it got so bad I had to go to the stupid hospital or something. I don't think she was a very good mother even though she is very sweet and innocent. I hate her. I feel like I have to carry all the damn darkness in this stupid family and everyone is smiling and knitting and doing wholessome things and being sucsessful and they are all just liars and

[Bloopsy]

THAT WAS ME above, I guess it is a very angry post. Sometimes I think people give birth to you and then you drown and have to revive yourself later when it is safe.

[Anonymous]

It's not true that I disassocitaed for the 1st time When I was 13 that was the fourth time sorry.

[Anonymous]

Hi Bloopsy,

Are we hearing from Bipsy? Your mom was probably scared by what you told her. She was probably younger than you (inside) and had no idea of what to do, or how to deal with it. This is really poor parenting, because they're supposed to be the adult who helps children. So her answer was a stupid reference to herself. It was narcissistic and immature. She wasn't qualified as a good enough mother, and that was tragic for you.

I hope there are adults like your therapist and sponsor who understand dissociating.

bunny

[longtire]

I think this is a narsissistic comment but I once went to my mother and told her how I felt when I was about 13 and scared because I dissociated for the 1st time, and she thought a minute and said, I'VE never felt that way. I admit I felt very dismissed and ashamed and needless to say spent many years and most of the time hiding how I felt except when it got so bad I had to go to the stupid hospital or something. I don't think she was a very good mother even though she is very sweet and innocent. I hate her. I feel like I have to carry all the damn darkness in this stupid family and everyone is smiling and knitting and doing wholessome things and being sucsessful and they are all just liars and

Bloopsy, glad to see you posting again.  I've been worried about you.  Your mother's reaction seems blatantly N to me.  You tell her about you and your experience and she basically says "No you're mistaken.  I don't feel that way."  Its all about her?!?

As for being sweet and innocent.  EVERYONE has a dark side.  Some people are afraid to be honest and try to hide it.  They run from intimacy because if you get too close you'll see its just an act.  Real people acknowledge their common dark sides and share with others who do the same.  It sounds like your mother was never able to stop protecting herself from reality and just act like a mother to you.

THAT WAS ME above, I guess it is a very angry post. Sometimes I think people give birth to you and then you drown and have to revive yourself later when it is safe.

Bloopsy, you have every right to feel and express your anger.  It is welcome here because all of us have experienced feeling angry ourselves and realize that it doesn't make us bad people or "expose our fraud."  It makes us human and part of a VERY large club.  

As painful and terrifying as it must be for you, I'm glad that the little you (Bipsy?) found a way to save your life by dissociating from feeling overwhelmed.  I'm also glad that she trusts you (adult you) enough now to start letting you be aware of the pain again so you can deal with it.  What an amazing kid!

[Anonymous]

Thank you Bunny and longtire you guys are really helping me to validate my feeling at least as much as I can yet. I have a sponsor but I admit that I am a little doubtful of her........I feel like for me she is a little too involved with her exterior as a recovered alchoholic, but what bothers me the most is that she said to me that god give you good things when you deserve them. To me that sounds sick twisted and cruel and it makes me very angry and want to slap her. I don't know if I am taking it in the wrong way. I asked another woman in AA and she says that she believes that too. I start to think that they are a little arrogant. But I am giving them a chance. However I feel like no one has the damn right to tell me such a load of baloney or tell another person about god. Where do they get off?????????? It is just as bad as this other craphead invading my space and railing at me about how god didn't exist  and I shouldn't believe in him just because of all the religious white man baloney out there. To me that's like saying that just because there is fast food that you should not believe in food. But I at least respect that he feels that way and tried to say that that was just something we should not talk about which of course just made him rail about it more the idiot. Yes this is Bipsy but I would rather be called firestorm because that is how I feel myself to be. Do you guys think that god gives you good things because you deserve them??? I don't understand.

[Anonymous]

I admit that I always felt like I deserved bad things. Maybe I am angry because I think God hates me????????? Sometimes that is how i feel. This woman my sponsor seemed very scarey when she said god gives you good things because you deserve them. i think that I am miisssing her point because all I could think of is that that must be hoier than though ground to stand on and that does god give you bad things cuz you deserve them which seems to me to collerate w=ith what she said and the people who I talked to seemed to be a little shocked that i did not think that god gives you good things when you deserve them, I really think that god shows you what you are ready for good or bad.

[Anonymous]

and I am really only calling god him because I am being dishonest( suprise) and it is scary for me to admit that I don't think god id a man.

[longtire]

Bloopsy and firestorm,
I can only tell you about my conception of God, which is admittedly pretty new.  I think that the English language is very limited.  We can call things either he, she, they, or it.  None of these fits God for me, though I default to using "he" since it is the most common usage.  I don't think of God as male or female, but being above both.  I say if it helps you to think of God as female and mother rather than father then do that.  You have your own personal experience and relationship with God and nobody, not even a pastor or preacher can tell you otherwise.

My understanding is that God is like a GOOD parent, who wants all good things for his/her children.  God gives us gifts NOT because we deserve them in any way, but because "he" wants us to have all the good stuff in life.  I very much disagree that we get these gifts because or when we deserve them by being perfect.  If that were the case none of us would get much of anything good, ever.

My experience is that there was a lot of time in my life where I wasn't able to ACCEPT these gifts, hear God speaking, or be open to seeing what good things I already had.  This may have been what these people were trying to say to you, but as an INTJ I take exception with their imprecise, incorrect wording.    Bloopsy, you deserve every good thing possible in life already, just for existing.  God doesn't give bad things, but people often try, and succeed, in putting their "bad" feelings into others instead of dealing with it themselves, as God intends.

[Anonymous]

Thank you longtire, your posts are so thoughtful and helpful and kind. I hopr that you are doing alright and feeling better most espially, I know you have been having a hard time too and working hard at it. Go longtire,
Love Bridget

[Anonymous]

God is not a male or a female. Nor does God hate you or anyone else, He loves every one of his creations. We have learned to hate each other. Tell your friend that God does not give people good things because they deserve them. Everyone knows very bad people with a lot of good things. And everyone knows a lot of good people like you who have been given bad things. Those bad things are from evil people doing evil things, not from God. The bible says the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. Bad things happen to good people all the time because there is evil in the world.

but what bothers me the most is that she said to me that god give you good things when you deserve them. To me that sounds sick twisted and cruel and it makes me very angry and want to slap her.

It should make you angry because its not true. But don't slap her.
Next time your friend tells you that, ask her what good thing Jesus received for leading the perfect life. Being beaten and crucified? Is she better than Christ?

[Anonymous]

what bothers me the most is that she said to me that god give you good things when you deserve them. To me that sounds sick twisted and cruel and it makes me very angry and want to slap her. I don't know if I am taking it in the wrong way. I asked another woman in AA and she says that she believes that too. I start to think that they are a little arrogant. But I am giving them a chance.

It's nice of you to give them a chance. To me it sounds like they are saying something pretty stupid. That's how I hear it. God gives us good things when we deserve them? How about all the horrible people and dictators with good things they don't deserve? It makes no sense to me - I don't know what they're talking about. So I can understand how it made you feel like a firestorm.

bunny

[Anonymous]

I have to stop thinking that the people in my life will care anout what happened to me. I feel like I just need to go away and start a new life. I feel like a non person because I expect other people to somehow be different from how they are and I guess be emotionally available enough to be compassionate about this. I sense that the family and friends(4) that I have told either didn't care or were protecting themselves big time. Sometimes I don't realize that maybe what happened to me is just kind of damn unspeakable and I just can't go around saying it because I need to be validated  and have an eneasy awareness of what is and is not appropriate to tell others. I have never felt this closed off fromm my friends and family. I feel like I have to go away and die. But that is what my dad did. Why do I always have to follow him????What an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Hi I am back again up late at night, I guess I feel like I confess that I thought and feel that intaimacy is emotionalt and physical torture and that is why I need to escape not because I am a bad person but because my heart and body and mind and everything else is just tired of that. I thought that when my head started spinning and I had to hold on for dear  life that that meant I was close to the other person and often I would berate myself for being unable to sustain such a state without getting angry. When people were not overwelming me with themselves I felt like they were holding back. I thought I had to protect other people from myself but I guess I just want to protect myself from them.

[Bloopsy]

By the way that was me Bloopsy although I will now change my name to Shadow, isn't that a pretty name???????
Anyway, you guys are very sweet. I feel like I am finally coming to trust this board. Thank you so much. It is nice to just say what is on my mind and stuff --- I know I sound kind of confused, I shave all these different parts in me that want to say different things . It is so nice for Firestorm(Bipsy) to have a place where she can let her anger out. I will always have these different parts. I will honor them or come to honor them as the way i lived. But anyway I just wanted to say thank you to you all and that I am sorry I complained about people not caring about me I was not focusing on the ones who do.