I got these 10 New Rules from the book "Homecoming," by John Bradshaw. (My personal additions are in parentheses.) I have found them very helpful, especially in combatting the unhealthy rules I was taught by my N parent. If anyone has any additional "New Rules," please feel free to add!
1. It's OK to feel what you feel. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. There's no one who can tell you what you should feel. It's good and necessary to talk about feelings (although it may be inappropriate to act on feelings in the present moment).
2. It's OK to want what you want. There's nothing you should or shouldn't want. If you're in touch with your life energy, you'll want to expand and grow. It's OK and necessary to get your needs met. It's good to ask for what you want.
3. It's OK to see and hear what you see and hear. Whatever you saw and heard IS what you saw and heard. (Trust your senses.)
4. It's OK and necessary to have lots of fun and play. It's OK to enjoy sexual play.
5. It's essential to tell the truth at all times. This will reduce life's pain. Lying distorts reality. (Not being yourself is a form of manipulation.) All forms of distorted thinking must be corrected. (e.g., black and white thinking, catastrophizing, universalizing)
6. It's OK to know your limits and to delay gratification sometimes. This will reduce life's pain. (There is enough to go around, so you needn't rush.)
7. It's crucial to develop a balanced sense of responsibility. This means accepting the consequences for what you do and refusing to accept the consequences for what someone else does. (It also means owning my feelings but not taking responsibility for others' feelings.)
8. It's OK to make mistakes. Mistakes are our teachers - they help us learn. (Everyone makes mistakes - we don't have to be perfect.)
9. Other people's needs, feelings and wants are to be respected and valued. Violating other people leads to guilt and to accepting the consequences. (I have an effect on people.)
10. It's OK to have problems. They need to be resolved - (not sure about that sentence.) Everyone has problems, they're a normal part of life. It's OK to have conflict. (It's unavoidable and) It needs to be resolved.
