becoming a narsissist

[Anonymous]

Hi guyss. I admit that my biggest fear is that I am becoming a narsissist. I realize that I don't fulfill my healthy "ego"(? is this what it is?) things like have any accomplishments and also I think it is okay for people to treat me disrespectfully but then I get angry and want to yell at them I don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Guest,

also I think it is okay for people to treat me disrespectfully

No one becoming an N would ever say that. With the limited info you gave it sounds more like you are in danger of becoming the victim of an N, if you aren't already.
How about a little more of your story? Please?

mudpup

[miaxo]

If you were a N you would expect others to treat you like a god and you would feel entitled to just about everything.  

I would bet that you are not a N.

[Anonymous]

It's unlikely that you will become a narcissist. It would have happened already. Getting angry isn't the same thing.

bunny

[Bloopsy]

Thankl you guys. Mudpup, I've written a lot of my story here. It is mostly abuse, and neglect, and then more of that!!! Ugh.  I will have to tel the shaming voices in my head to back off of me. I do have some narsissistic things about me ,I know but so does everybody and focusing on it is just terrible and torturous.

[Portia]

Hiya Bloopsy how are you doing?

Didn’t realise it was you, talking about becoming an N, because…..it’s the last thing I would think!

Bloopsy an N?  It doesn’t compute! Noooo! Sorry, I’m not buying it.

Are you back at home with Mother not-so-dearest? How’s it going? Have you been to any more meetings?

Hope you’re not thinking it’s you that’s bad, coz you know what we think, we think Bloopsy’s okay, you’re not bad or an N.

[Brigid]

Bloopsey,
Having some narcissitic traits is a good thing.  It can give you a good sense of self-esteem and confidence.  Maybe that part of you is starting to imerge and make itself known.  Maybe you are just learning that it is OK to assert yourself and be treated respectfully.  Don't squash those feelings just because they are about you.  You matter.    

Brigid

[Anonymous]

I am running around in circles in my heart. I have been to meetings and it is getting scary. I feel rushed like it is happening so fast and there is not ground to stand on. It is so scary for me to admit that my mom weasn't there for me and that I am still trying to prove that she is!!!!!! Oh no. oh my god. Spiralling aroun. it is dark. Hi

[Portia]

Hi   good to see you. Scary is okay. I get scared. You're not alone! We understand. We are listening B

[longtire]

Bloopsy/Shadow,
We ARE here for you, even though your mother was not.  Tell us all about how you feel.  Tell us all about the fear and the terror and the pain and the longing and the sadness and the anger and everything else.  Realize that when people write back that they don't think you are N, they are trying to reassure you.  It must be hard to recognize and accept reassurance since you didn't get much (any?) practice getting that as a kid (or adult).  I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time right now.  It sucks to be in the middle of becoming, when you can't even tell where you are headed.  Just take things one day at a time and continue to let us know how you are doing, the goo, the bad, and the ugly.

[Anonymous]

Bloopsie/Shadow:

You are not an N.  You are coping with the N hood of your life.  It is sorta dark when you realize "so this is what has been going on".  Just do as longtire suggests and take one day at a time.  To cope with the over all circumstance at one time is to over whelming.  I remember watching that crazy show "What About Bob" with Bill Murray.  He recommended "baby steps" and that is just about the short and long of it.  Just take "baby steps." .  Continue posting because this is indeed a place for "the family of survivorship".  You are a little sister here. Much love to you Bloopsie. Patz

[Anonymous]

Hi Bloopsy,
You wrote,

Mudpup, I've written a lot of my story here.

I didn't realize it was you, Bloopsy, sorry.
Everyone here loves and supports you, because you deserve love and support.
Remember, baby steps, baby steps, baby steps.......pretty soon you're in a new place.

God bless you.

mudpup

[Anonymous]

I am proud to be a little sister here. This is a nice place to be. I admit that I still am feeling afraid and editing out stuff to not sound like an n. whatev. I think that I was treated by nish people in nish ways for instance by my moms' boyfriend Ivan the terrible who' s favorite topic of conversation is how 99.9 percent of the world are idiots. He once told me that my father didn't abandon me because he couldn't help it. I betcha he would also say that he didn't rape me because he couldn't help it. I think that even if someone can't help doing something they still did it and the person they did it to still exists even if they are trying hard not to exist. Whatev. The only thing to do is to not live by those rules myself it seems that way. Everything I did I did even if I couldn't help it or not and I hold everyone else to the same standards. Maybe that is the beginning of some self respect?????  I have done things I am not proud of and I did them all.
I admit that I met a really nice friend who I like a lot but I am very scared to talk to him because I am afraid he will go away or die or that I am not good enough for him. But I don't feel as alive since I am trying to shut down. I am letting my fear and what happened run my life. But I am afraid because I know that Rose my 13 year old wants him to be her new dad and I don't want her to get hurt anymore. I also "fired" my first sponsor  because she was considering sropping me as a sponsee and I got scared. Now I have another sponsor but she is very young, maybe that is better so I don't mommaify her. But I adit that I miss my new parents Debra and Smitty. Debra and Smitty i love you. Debra. I wish Debra was here and everything was okay. She is nice. I'm sad that I told her I didn't want to be sponsored anymore. oi called her and left a message that I missed her and I made a mistake and stuff but I think that she has enough sponsees and doesn't trust me and I don't blame her. I'm sorry about all these I statements. Maybe one day I'll(ack) sstop the I's.
One more athing is that my twin sister is coming home. We talked today and she told me that she was having a hard time very hard not blaming herself for every little thing and just lying there because she is so tired from that and all her friends are moving and she is in danger of being fired from her job. It doesn't feel right not to tell her what I remember if it would help her to pick up the peices. It doesn't seem fair for her to be struggling around suffering and not even knowing one of the main reasons why and blaming herself. I just don't know what to so I don't nkow if it is right for me to tell her.When  me and my sister talk more about how we really feel, i think that we are more the same than I have ever known and it is so terrible that she is suffering without knowing why not that it is the only reason but still oh my what a ripoff. My therapist says that it is good for her to have her own time and process because the selfish part of me wanted to tell her so i wouldn't be alone, not to judge that part of me, but anyway, what do you guys think??? I admit that I think she has a right to know??????? and why should she struggle through her life blindly???? But maybe that is wrong. How can it be who knows whatev I'm sorry I am ram bling oin and an. Goodnight and goodmoring everyone.

[Anonymous]

P.S. That was me Bloopsy above.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know how much trouble my sister was having.