paranoia

[mum]

Does anyone else get paranoid about thier N's (ex's etc) trolling here, looking for info?  Sometimes I would like to share some stuff that I could use feedback on, but I feel I shouldn't because I'm involved in a court battle and don't want to tip anyone off on things I know.  Remote, for sure.....but am I alone in this feeling?

[October]

Does anyone else get paranoid about thier N's (ex's etc) trolling here, looking for info?  

I don't think that is paranoia.  I think it is a question of risk, and of how much you have to lose if it were true.  In that case, even a small chance becomes unacceptable, imo.

If my family found this site and read what I have written, they would most likely respond with huge anger and I would probably lose all contact with them.  I acknowledge that, and although I don't want it to happen, it might.

If the risk were higher, perhaps I wouldn't post at all.

Could you not try a PM to one or two people that you trust?  Or change enough details to make it impossible to identify you?

[Anonymous]

I don't worry about X N trolling here b/c I don't think he would ever think of Narcissism let alone search for a message board about it.  I guess I could always be wrong but the odds are in my favor that he's not lurking here.

[Anonymous]

the post above was mine.

mia

[Brigid]

Mum,
I would have to agree with Mia in that my N H I'm sure doesn't have a clue about his disorder and would deny it if someone tried to pin it on him.  But even if he did develop an interest in the topic, he wouldn't go looking for a message board.  His therapist would send him to the bookstore to purchase the next in a long line of self-help books that serve to make him think he is helping himself.

I would never say that you are paranoid, however.  We don't know your exNH and how he operates and you may be totally justified in thinking he could come here for info to use against you.  Has he ever given you a reason to think he might, or are you basing your fears on previous behaviors?  I don't really have any suggestions other than to keep all names and places as confidential as possible.

Brigid

[mum as guest]

I see your point, Brigid.
My name is not really mum and his name is not really a**hole (I think that may be Mia's ex's name, though!!!!) and from what I can tell here, my story is everybody's story, really.  He is so far into himself that he needs a flashlight anyway.

[Brigid]

Mum,

and his name is not really a**hole (I think that may be Mia's ex's name, though!!!!)

That must have been a very popular name the year they were all born (or hatched) as the case may be.    

I truly did laugh out loud when I read that.  Thanks.

Brigid

[Anonymous]

I vote with the posters who don't think Ns are trolling here. I think they would not even give it a thought.

bunny

[Stormchild]

Mum,

and his name is not really a**hole (I think that may be Mia's ex's name, though!!!!)

That must have been a very popular name the year they were all born (or hatched) as the case may be.    

Or crawled out of the swamp?

...I think we possibly get the odd troll, sometimes the VERY odd troll... having seen the thread that brought Sleepy out of the woods. And it's not impossible that anyone's N associate could stumble across this place and try to guess who some member might be.

But I don't think an N can sustain the pose of health long enough to fool people here significantly. The facade will crack. Something will leak out. They can keep us confused and enthralled in real-space because they can use all the voice and body language tricks and so on. In cyberspace, none of that's available to them.

Not to mention that the healthier & more N-educated we get, the faster we see through them, and they are well aware of being seen through, and can't stand it.

So I'd betcha that any Ns cruising this neighborhood are gonna have a pretty rough time of it.      

[Stormchild]

Or should that be... anyone's N a**-h-ociate?

Sorry.

[Anonymous]

A$$hole is just my pet name for X N.  Really, I'm being sweet when I call him that.  If I posted what I really call him, I'm positive I would be kicked off this board.  

[Anonymous]

oops. that was me again.
better start logging in.
mia

[Anonymous]

I admit, I've thought about it and that thought generates fear.

There is a very slim chance of that ever happening but I still feel totally uncomfortable giving details and so I don't.

It probably won't happen.
Logic tells me not to worry because it's so very unlikely.

I'm still careful because I truly feel like I simply cannot take another big drama/N-event/balistic blowout fit/loss of comfort that I feel here etc.

It just feels safer to be careful.

GFN

[Chutzbagirl - Reply]

Alright, this is total paranoia...Sometimes when I see a strange truck parked outside of my home I think my N Mom has sent a truck full of bombs to blow me away!  

Oh well, insanity begets insanity.  The thought of her reading this site has crossed my mind but I seriously doubt it.  I've discovered that the sicker a person actually is the healthier they think they are.  Pretty funny in a sad kind of way.

If I were in court preceedings with an ex N like some of you are, I'm sure the paranoia would be more acute.  My heart goes out to you guys.  I felt sorry for my N Mom's current husband when he started dating her.  I had the urge to warn him.  Poor guy - he forfeited his sanity to avoid a costly divorce.

[Portia]

Mum, the chances are so remote. Keep your computer secure (using an anti-virus and firewall etc like Norton internet security). Keep your stuff here secure by deleting cached temp files so no-one at home can back-page to here.

Don’t use an outside computer for anything sensitive that you wouldn’t want someone else knowing about you.

The only way for anyone to track you here would be via your own PC and they’d have to have some technical knowledge and know what to look for!

Other than that, tell your whole story. You’re anonymous. Even if someone reading thinks you sound like their Ex, so what? Can they prove it? Can they get Dr Grossman to confirm your email and your name just because they think it might be you? Nope. I guess if you were planning to commit certain acts and said that here, then I guess Dr G would be obliged to turn the info over to the feds. Or whichever enforcement applies in your country. I wonder if people in China have access to this board? A lot of their stuff is censored.

In other words, I wouldn’t worry. And I agree that N-types won’t be bothered to come here, unless they want to vent and disrupt some. Maybe they have that right? I guess they have emotional survival issues too. And then some.