Dreams anyone?

[longtire]

The only other thing I thought that might be is about your daughter....not being as distinct as usual, fuzzier...but the same.  This gives me hope for you and she.....she might be a little fuzzier right now but deep down she's the same, your relationship is the same/or will be the same, and hopefully that will become clearer in time.  You were also concentrating on surviving all these attacks, which maybe felt like your wife was King Kong but you realized that you only had to be careful to get away safely.  Do you worry that your daughter might not get away safely?

Yes, I forgot to mention that.  I got the feeling that my D was indistinct because I was concentrating so much on escaping the danger alive, even though I was helping us all to escape.  My D is definitely ambivalent towards me these days, but seems to be fine when she actually gets around me.  I hope this is not an act when she's with me.  I have told her many times that she can be honest with me and have any feelings toward me and that is OK with me.  I hope that it is more an indication of confusion and loyalty to her mother and that when she gets around me again she is reminded that I'm not so terrible after all.

[Brigid]

I need some help from you dream readers out there. 

For a good portion of my 23 years of marriage, I would have dreams about my xh leaving me.  This started looonnnng before the separation started (and we never discussed divorced in our entire marriage).  They were very vivid dreams and I would actually wake up and check to see if he was still in the bed with me.  I am assuming now that it was my sub-conscious mind telling me what my conscious mind did not see.

Since the separation, I have had many dreams about him (I have related a few here), but mostly they end with me telling him that he ended the marriage and I don't want anything to do with him.  The other night I had a very vivid dream where we were actually in bed together, having a great conversation and the dream ended with the two of us talking about staying together.

Why is this happening??  The only thing I can think of is that I was reading longtire's post on "what's next" shortly before going to bed and his whole struggle with divorcing or not. 

It's bad enough that he continues in my thoughts while I'm awake, but do I have to be plagued with him in my sleep too?  I just want him to go away. 

Brigid

[longtire]

I need some help from you dream readers out there. 

For a good portion of my 23 years of marriage, I would have dreams about my xh leaving me.  This started looonnnng before the separation started (and we never discussed divorced in our entire marriage).  They were very vivid dreams and I would actually wake up and check to see if he was still in the bed with me.  I am assuming now that it was my sub-conscious mind telling me what my conscious mind did not see.

Since the separation, I have had many dreams about him (I have related a few here), but mostly they end with me telling him that he ended the marriage and I don't want anything to do with him.  The other night I had a very vivid dream where we were actually in bed together, having a great conversation and the dream ended with the two of us talking about staying together.

Why is this happening??  The only thing I can think of is that I was reading longtire's post on "what's next" shortly before going to bed and his whole struggle with divorcing or not. 

It's bad enough that he continues in my thoughts while I'm awake, but do I have to be plagued with him in my sleep too?  I just want him to go away. 

Brigid

I hope you are referring to your xh in the last paragraph and not me.         

What else happened in that dream?  Did you have any other impressions or notice anything else during the dream?  Have you been having other dreams recently?  It is hard to tell what it means from what you've posted.  It could be about acceptance of your xh, or he could just be a placeholder for someone else in your life.

[October]

It's bad enough that he continues in my thoughts while I'm awake, but do I have to be plagued with him in my sleep too?  I just want him to go away. 

Brigid

As with Longtire, even if you know that it is right to separate, part of you is human and loving, and wants to believe that things can be ok, and that the story can have the happy ending we all planned. 

I think your dream is an acknowledgment of that ambivalence.  You are not telling him that you want to be separate, and for him to go away, imo.  You are telling yourself.  His identity is clearly very closely attached to yours still; that is shown in the intimacy of the setting.  He is not only in your house (your self) but in the most personal part of your self; perhaps your heart.  That seems to be the place from which you want to exclude him.

I am not sure what I would do with a dream like this.  Perhaps I would try to be more open with myself about the feelings that are there.  Not just the ones that want him to go, but also the others that want things to be fine and good again.  If you admit them, they might lose their strength in your dreams.

If this is nonsense, please ignore it.

[Brigid]

longtire,

I hope you are referring to your xh in the last paragraph and not me.

Yes long, sorry  , it does sound like I could be referring to you.  I'm sure you have shown up in my dreams in some way (not sure what a "longtire" would look like  ), but not in this context.  The only additional details I can give would be that we were very happy--laughing and loving toward each other.  I definitely knew in the dream that something had happened in the marriage, but because we were getting along so well at that moment and as October pointed out, in a rather intimate setting, but not at the time being intimate, we started talking about continuing on with the marriage. I will note that only I was talking about the marital situation and he said nothing, nor did he acknowledge there were any problems.  But I think that is the way it is in most of my dreams about him.   


October,
I think you have done your usual good job of interpreting.  You're probably right to say that he is still in my heart and feelings that I am unwilling to admit to anyone, least of all myself, are still there.  After everything he did, I shouldn't feel anything but disdain, but I am not a person who easily stops loving.  I recently read on some post about hate and love being so closely connected and it would be indifference that is the goal to be completely over the person.  Obviously, if I still think of him during my waking and sleeping hours, I have not reached the point of indifference.

Thank you for your helpful perspective.

Blessings,

Brigid

[Moira]

Hi all! I just wanted to make a comment on N dreams. An interesting thing about Ns dreaming capacity I found while researching. Most Ns do not remember their dreams- at all. Interesting eh?! My ex N used to talk in his sleep all the time and it was always about him being allegedly abused. The last incident that happened with his nocturnal mumblings forced me to kick him to the sofa. He said- in a voice mimicing a woman- " Oh sure, b, tell another lie..why don't you ever tell the truth?..( the rest of this in his normal voice-).I could kill you, you f...ing bitch and it would be so easy I'd get away with it"- punctuated by laughing that freaked me out, it was so malicious. The whole time I was with him, I had nothing but nightmares involving being chased, threatened with knives etc. I also had all kind of dreams depicting some pretty bizarre and highly disturbing sexual scenarios involving my N- he is a sex addict as well.All my nightmares ended within a week of him leaving and I started to sleep again. Another interesting thing I read about Ns- sorry, off topic of dreams. Ns have no sense of humour. They are only capable of sarcasm and really bad puns. They don't have any sense of timing and emotional content of jokes and humour being completely disconnected from their feelings- and only being able to feel rage and fear. Also Ns tend not to make any eye contact and I also read their smiles are unlike normal human smiles- they tend to bare their teeth in a predatory way- like dogs ...or wolves! Wonder if anyone else has noticed any of this with their Ns?

[Brigid]

Moira,

Ns have no sense of humour. They are only capable of sarcasm and really bad puns. They don't have any sense of timing and emotional content of jokes

I would not say this is universally true.  My xnh actually has a very good sense of humor--a stand-up comedian who can entertain folks for hours.  He got much of his n supply from the reaction of others to his ability to be funny and entertaining.  He was famous for telling very inappropriate jokes and stories in inappropriate settings and without me around to rein him in, I'm sure that is now out of control.  I think others on this site have also talked about this "quality" in their n relationships.  I never saw it, but heard my nfather's friends talk about how funny he could be, too in a social situation.

Sorry to be off topic, but just thought I would respond to that comment.  Carry on. . .

Brigid

[Moira]

Hi Brigid! How are you? Thanks for comment. yeah, my N mother was the life of the party, although her humour too was often inappropriate, at someone's else's expense and lots of sarcasm. I do know other Ns who think they're hilarious when in fact they're not even remotely! Curious about other's experiences.

[Sela]

Hey all.....no off topic worries!!!

Welllll......Moira....according to your description.....I'm very much N.

For years I didn't remember my dreams and I am only starting to now.
(I've always thought this was a sort of ....an unconscious coping mechanism because I would often wake with the distinct feeling that I had had a nightmare...a very nasty one...and feel fear and be perspiring etc....but no memory of the dream.  I guess I thought my unconscious mind was trying to protect me somehow by "forgetting").

Plus, I'm notorious for talking in my sleep and sometimes.....walking in my sleep!
(once I even ran....full speed...down the hall....turned a corner and went face first into the front door!!  That'll wake ya up....every time...let me tell ya!! ).

Also, I have a hard time, sometimes, especially when I first meet people.....looking them in the eye.  I've had this since I was a child....when it was safer to just avoid eye contact (rather than getting the "what are you looking at" smack in the head or "I'll cuff your ears!" threat).  Once I feel comfortable, I'm fine but I even do it with friends I've known for years, when we first make contact and for a few minutes after that.   Or if it is a situation in which I must be assertive...for some reason....I ignor all my fears and have no problem with eye contact.   I guess I'm weird.

I think I have a fairly good sense of humour and I sure love joking around.  And....I don't do the teeth thingy..as far a I know..so maybe there's hope for me yet??

Hi Brigid.....re your dream.

It's  possible that even though you didn't discuss divorce while you were married....you had some indication that divorce would be the eventual outcome.  Maybe ....due to the way your exh treated you during the marriage....you unconsciously suspected this end??  I think you're probably right about those dreams.  Or...maybe there were premonitions???

You have such a big heart Brigid.  And there's nothing wrong with not being "a person who easily stops loving. "   Who says you have to stop?  Is there a law about that?
When two people spend that much time together....it can't be forgotton so easily.
Maybe it's not your exh that you were upset with...maybe it was his behaviour, which he didn't take responsibility for and wasn't willing to face??
It's ok to care about him....the person....and to reject his behaviour.

For sure.....he didn't appreciate your loving heart.....he threw you away....and you're much better off without a person who behaves like that in your life.

Maybe your heart is still struggling with your mind about that...unconsciously??

If so....it's good that it's coming out in your dreams because that makes you aware of it...and more able to consider it consciously.

Still...I'm sorry for these disturbing dreams.  They will pass soon I hope.

(at least you're not dreaming about Mudpuppy again!!!!  )

Sela

[Sallying Forth]

Also Ns tend not to make any eye contact and I also read their smiles are unlike normal human smiles- they tend to bare their teeth in a predatory way- like dogs ...or wolves! Wonder if anyone else has noticed any of this with their Ns?

Neither of my Nparents are like this.

However my Nbrother is. And my Nbiological father is too. Sometimes what eminated from both my Nbro and him was pure evil.

The eye contact was just the opposite for my Nbro and my Nbiof. They both used eye contact to intimidate and control the conversation in their direction. My Nbiof especially had this "talent" to use eye contact to control, intimidate and threaten. He didn't have to make a sound, just a look. He also demanded that I look into his eyes or I would be severely punished. He was sadistic (that's putting it mild)!

[Sallying Forth]

My dreams are my subconscious mind's way of telling a message.

Sometimes they are about memories of things which happened to me. Those are recurring and quite disturbing. Each time I have one, a piece of the puzzle comes forth. I write it down. I thank my mind for bringing this message to me. With each recurring dream more of the picture reveals itself. I've learned to accept and embrace the source and then record the information. The dreams will have little or no symbolism. There will be a heavy replacement of characters, someone else representing me, a dissociative element.

Another type are dreams which tell me something I am presently doing is not healthy - physically, emotionally, mentally or psychologically - or that I need to change my life or a change is coming. The dreams will have a lot of symbolism. I take these as immediate to act upon messages. Either do something right now to change what is going on around me or suffer further consequences or pay attention to what you are doing and make sure it is healthy. One of these common recurring themes is being in the driver's seat of a huge semi-truck. I'm going down this steep hill and suddenly the brakes go out or the steering wheel comes off or the gas pedal is stuck or all of them. I'm about to lose control of the semi-truck. I wake up and know there is something I need to let go of in my life. I'm not supposed to be in the driver's seat. For me God belongs in the driver's seat of my semi-truck. I sit in the front passenger's seat.

One time I had some disturbing dreams about work. They were the same over and over. The feeling nature of the dream was a person who we just hired is not who they say they are. I already got that gut feeling and then this dream gave me the confirmation. Within a couple of weeks the person was terminated. My intuition was correct, the person and their spouse turned out to be crooks.

Another type is foretelling of future events. I've had these since I was a kid and they are about 99% accurate. And scary accurate. They are very realistic dreams with occasional symbolism especially if the dream is about something in the distant future. Sometimes a wonderful dream where I am given a hopeful word for current situations. Other times a warning of something coming. There are no known dates for these occurrences. They can be two years or more notice or within a short time. Either I will have an urgent feeling when I wake up if the event will occur soon. Or a feeling that something is on the horizon and I'm being mentally/emotionally prepared for the event.

I remember most of my dreams because I've told my subconscious mind that whatever it wants to tell me is okay. I keep a pen and paper near my bedside at all times so I can write down what I dream about.

[Sallying Forth]

ITexperiment

My dreams are like yours. I always pay attention to the really vivid ones. Sometimes the lessor important ones, are just bits & pieces of the days activities, I can recognize these. Others, many others, are messages that I know I need to pay attention to.

I am very intuitive and have had many premonition dreams. For about 4-5 days before a full moon, I have very intense dreams at that time, often of some headline in a newspaper or a tv news story. An experiment was done years ago on this ability to dream of the news, not necessarily a prediction, but seeing the story in the news. The results were amazing, something like over 85% of time being correct. Mine are close to 99%. My therapists have been interested in further tests with me. The experiment talked about and the theory of time placement....

I ran into a priest one day who told me that dreams were messages from God-a gift have you. That God has even taken people from thier sleep and travelled with them to beautiful places. These we don't remember-but we awaken feeling so extra good & refreshed and filled with an extra zest for life.

As my father lay dying 6 yrs ago, I found out I was pg.-no one knew. I miscarried a few days before his death. After the funeral, my mother told me of a dream she had the nite before, she looked at me and said "your dad is holding the baby, it's ok-did you have a baby?"  My mother has had many premonition dreams also, as does a sister of mine...

Sunshine

Hello Sunshine,
I have known these dreams about future events are from God for a couple of years now. The creepiest one yet was 9 months before 9-11. I had one about this Arab man who was staying at a hotel inside my house. I realized its meaning after 9-11.

When I was a kid I had a dream about 3000 tornadoes touching down in the mid-west. I could literally see the newspaper headlines and a television newscast of the tornadoes. One of the most vivid pictures in my dream was of a family in the hallway of their home. I saw the roof torn off and they were huddled safe under some debri. This was reported on the news. The actual event happened about 3 days later. I remembering telling Nm about the dream before it happened in real life. She dismissed it. Then when the newscast came on her mouth dropped open.

I'm an INFP and very intuitive also.

[miss piggy]

Hello,

I have been lurking here for a bit and it is so gratifying to read your posts.  (I have an N dad.  I just did a search on "devouring father" and what an eyeopener that was!) I have been keeping and recording my dreams for a while and just wanted to chime in.

I am really in awe of people who have premonitions through their dreams!  I wish I could do that!  What a gift to treasure.

I was thinking about this thread this week and about the posts above discussing Ns appearing in dreams.  I wondered if, in addition to an N just plain representing a recent interchange, the N in our dreams could be the "bad stuff" we push away from ourselves.  I am always concerned that when I start acting in conscious self-interest, that I am becoming selfish, that is, just like my N!  But of course, all of us need to act out of self-interest at times for our own survival.  But we have received the message that we should push away our own survival for the Ns. 

And so, after reading these posts, I wondered how I could "embrace my inner N."

So last night I had a dream about another person, a rowdy guy, and I taking turns putting on outlandish wigs.  He then said, here, I'd really like to see you in this one.  It was a straw "bucket" hat with pig ears, a pig snout, and pouty lips.  At first I was insulted but when I put it on, I decided to have fun with it.  I impersonated Miss Piggy!!  I kept going around to everyone saying "Yay, moi!"  I was being placed in a chorus of singers in the alto section, and I replied "Miss Piggy is not an alto!  Miss Piggy is a soprano!" 

So I guess my inner N is Miss Piggy, new prima donna!  I hope you don't mind such a silly introduction.  Just wanted to say hello. 

MP

[October]

After everything he did, I shouldn't feel anything but disdain, but I am not a person who easily stops loving.  I recently read on some post about hate and love being so closely connected and it would be indifference that is the goal to be completely over the person. 

I'm not sure that it is possible to stop caring about someone, just because they don't deserve to be cared about.  It is more a case of not allowing them to use our own feelings of love or compassion against us. 

N people don't want our love; they just want the attention.  Just like in your dream, in fact.  He was not responding, or conversing, or interacting with you.  You were talking; he was lapping up the attention.  It looks like listening, but it isn't.

I am in a similar but different situation with my ex (which is why what I wrote could have as easily been about me as anyone else, it could have been projection.)  He is dying (as far as I can tell, but he is a liar, and may be lying about some aspects of his condition), and I can't help caring about that.  The other day I was thinking about this, and a few tears came, and then I realised that in all the years I have known him, and supported him, and heard about all of his problems, I doubt if he has ever shed one single tear for me and my situation.  It is always about him and how badly the world treats him.  He is a permanent victim, and I am supposed to be a permanent sympathiser.  And if I won't do it, he gets our daughter to do it instead.

I am having again today to learn the same lesson over again.  Don't let him suck me in.  Put up the defences again.  I have my  own life, and my own problems, and nobody helping me solve those problems, so why should I start now to try to solve any of his, just because he is finally achieving the death he has been aiming for all these years.

Sorry, don't want to get carried away.  But this is not about killing the love within us, or trying to stifle it into indifference.  It is about recognising that if we allow others to see that love, sometimes they will use it against us.  Sometimes we have to allow that love to be, but realise that the object is not real; the person we love does not really exist.  Maybe if we have faith, we can offer the love to G-d instead, or to some other person or even to ourselves.  Anyone, rather than the vampires. 

[bliz]

My dreams have been very vivid lately and seem to be about a variety of issues including the ex.  Had an elaborate medical dream last night where a body was freeze dried and then brought back to life to test for AIDS I believe.  Dont know what that was all about.  Another very sad dreaam about my nieces growing up. Sad in the fact that the older ones already do not want to spend as much time with me as when they were younger and that the younger ones were now older too.  It is inevitable and I know why I dreamed that.

On a different note, the ex called out of the blue and left a message on the answering machine.  I was shocked.  Thought he was so mad at me he would leave me alone.  His message was like nothing bad had ever happened between us.  Like we were old friends and he was just checking up on me.  I couldnt believe his short memory and gall.  Naturally did not call him back.  Looks like he tried to call again last night.  Yuck!!