help for 12 yr old :}

[Anonymous]

Do you have a plan on how to regain your daughter? Or have you been paralyzed by the turmoil?

sorry for the repeats..... my computer is old ;}  last question here.

paralysed - about half and half.  the powerlessness, is extrmely paralysing.  losing in court after all that, was a heavy heavy blow that took a lot out of me ... and really took my will to live for a while.  i still struggle with that. i HATE feeling trapped.

i do have a large number of plans. its kind of crushing, beucase they are so good at blocking all my moves. it gets very depresing and makes me feel real powerless, beucase im extremely smart and very resourceseful, and the best i can come up with, it seems they can jut block without even trying.

so, tht constant powerlessness, is very paralysing. i plan to prevail with no question in my mind. but, they are frighteningly good at blocking my moves and screwing up anything i get going for myself. im pretty sure they tape my phone calls.  im not sure they dont have spyware on my computer.  they are pros at promoting the illusion that 'resistance is futile'.

A mother who loves her daughter can do just about anything to protect her little girl.

this is believe totaly.  although, they are messing with that too.. they are trying very hard to make her hate me...  by torturing her when she expresses love for me.....  this also makes me very upset. and is wounding her emotionally in some really awful ways. im feeling very desperate right now, thta she has been 'damaged' in her ability to feel love, beyond what i can repair.

It may not mean anything to you, I don't know, but I am going to pray very hard for you and your daughter. And I am going to pray against the evil people who are hurting you both.

it means an awful lot. thank you for that. it makes a -huge- difference to me.
talk with you soon
Anna + D.

[Anonymous]

Dear Anna:

I can relate to a lot of what you are going through.  It would be unbelievable if it weren't true.  People with such power seem overwelming sometimes.  The truth is.....their main power is in keeping us in state of frozen fear.

Standing up to such powerful people takes a lot of guts and I commend you on your bravery and determination and perseverence.  That takes so much strength and energy and the stress is hardly imaginable.  But you are still here....trying to get support.....making a new plan....determined to eventually prevail.  Way to go Anna!!  You're no quitter!

It is frustrating and angering to watch people working to turn your child against you and it's hard for many people to believe such a thing goes on, but it does go on, and it goes on in such a sneaky-snakey-slithery fashion too!

Feeling trapped.  Unable to help your child.  These are debilitating feelings that do cause emotional paralysis.

I know that feeling of desperation too and for me...rage...that such damage is done to a child, against a parent.   They are sick, sick, sick, sickkos!  Their day will come!

Please don't lose hope.  Please try to do something every day...just for you....to help yourself feel calm, relaxed, let your worries go and just dream (as I think Mum said) of good things, of good outcomes, of wonderful days ahead!  This will help you to believe in good possibilities and maybe help you to form a new plan.

My heart goes out to you Anna and I wish I could offer you some strategy that would fix it all.  The best I can say is...a little at a time.  Just keep going.

((((((((((((Anna))))))))))))

GFN

[delphine]

Dear Anna,
My heart goes out to you in this nightmarish struggle. I remember how terrified I was when my NXH started plans to sue for custody. Your strength is admirable... hang in there for ALL of us; I want to believe that I'd have your fortitude and perserverance if I were in your shoes.

How good are you at networking... this ALL hinges on having the right person with the right connections hear your story. What has been your experience (if you are comfortable posting it) with women's advocacy groups?
I found this link

http://www.focusas.com/Oregon.html

It seems to have links to lots of other organizations.

I think your idea of countersuing your family may appeal to a lawyer and I can see you've put a lot of creative thought into what to do.

If you can find one person you can trust to work out a strategy plan- a person connected to legal, press, and childrights systems in Oregon or Ca, I think you have a story that will compell a good intentioned person to work with you.

Hugs and prayers,
Delphine

[Anonymous]

Dear Anna,
My heart goes out to you in this nightmarish struggle. I remember how terrified I was when my NXH started plans to sue for custody. Your strength is admirable... hang in there for ALL of us; I want to believe that I'd have your fortitude and perserverance if I were in your shoes.

oh, im soooo so glad you didnt have to go through that.....!  its a level of Dante's hell... you guys are so amazing. my stress has gone down by a ton these last few days, i feel a million percent less crazy readng about you all and what you have gone through, and what you say to each other. ..

there are actually other humans that know what im talking about. almost cant believe its real. if i do hang in  (which i will) finding this place is going to help a heck of a lot.

to me theres no choice really....  as long as she is still a child, theres still time.  raised my child free, broke the cycle of abuse, did it on purpose, wont let him poison the kid. over my dead body type of thing.


[/quote]How good are you at networking... this ALL hinges on having the right person with the right connections hear your story. What has been your experience (if you are comfortable posting it) with women's advocacy groups? [/quote]


i soo much agree. i bookmarked that link, thank you so much.... actually one of my current plans is to put up a website, so that i can further publicise and attract advocates... gathering resources to do that right now... its been tough mentally, with little support, but im getting more and more and pulling it together. additionally - frontal lobe brain injuries, impair 'executive functioning' which is the ability to plan.... so, i really have an up hill climb.:}

so,  learning from the people here, and gathering confidence, will really help me get these plans underway.

i am a good networker, when my confidence is up. theres something im very proud of - so i will mention it: when this happened i called EVERYONE - most groups really didnt want to get involved.... but i did call oregon national organisation for women.... dont know how or why but turns out they get a lot of calls from women losing custody to abusive men... they are such good liars, they get their way in court a lot......

so for some reason, i was the 'hundredth monkey' ;} got referred to the pres of OR NOW, and she gave me my own task force on it. im still the only member! but, i was so proud of that, for an old crazy lady :}  since then ive hooked up with other NOW task forces in other states, and recently we brought up a resolution at the national meeting, to form a national committee to address the problem of women losing custody to abusers........ kim gandy, NOW pres, is picking the members this weekend.  my task force is the first of its kind in oregon, and this group will be the only national group addressing the subject as well.

im extremely proud of these things. its largely helping others, which is just fine with me. the cant give legal help or anything. but i dont want anyone to go thru this..  slowly i meet people who will also help me, and also, change the system, so that its not so easy for abusers to get custody.

considering i cant even get out of bed lots of days, im awful proud of that.  the main challenge is developing my confidence, and lessening the paralysis, which i know being here, will definitely do.  

i pray, and visualise, angels, helping me. they are out there rigiht now in the minds of the advocates and lawyers and therapist that are going to help me. i know these helpers are walking around out there, i just haven crossed their path yet. bringing them to me, is my job right now. just keep putting out feelers and telling the story and meeting new people and helping others. and staying healthy and trying not to stress.

being here, has already really been good for my confidence, and my 'voice'. thank you alllllll so much for such a warm reception. feel ive been wandering in the desert too long.
feel like somebody needs to pinch me.... im being understood........!!.
anna

[October]

Anna  

I can't answer any of your posts in detail - I also have a 12 year old daughter, and would probably tangle my own situation with yours, even though it is very different and nowhere near such a nightmare.  I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you.  However, I wanted you to know I feel for you, and I wish you well in your struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anna  

I can't answer any of your posts in detail - I also have a 12 year old daughter, and would probably tangle my own situation with yours, even though it is very different and nowhere near such a nightmare.  I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you.  However, I wanted you to know I feel for you, and I wish you well in your struggle.

thank you :}}} i wouldnt mind hearing about whats going on with you. :} im slowly learning about everyone as i reveiw the older posts. i appreciate the thoughts, and just the freedom to talk. just the freedom to talk openly and not be judged is a pretty cool thing.   one of the most difficult things was when this happened, i was told i was not allowed to be angry.... i was called selfish and unreasonable and 'crazy' for my feelings of anger, which just made it much much worse... when i showed anger, it was used as proof of my 'illness' and my 'lack of love' for my daughter. so, im feeling pretty repressed right now.

thank you for the wishes and mostly the validation.
anna

[October]

thank you :}}} i wouldnt mind hearing about whats going on with you. :} im slowly learning about everyone as i reveiw the older posts. i appreciate the thoughts, and just the freedom to talk. ...

thank you for the wishes and mostly the validation.
anna

Thanks, Anna.  Perhaps I could say is that my 12 year old is really struggling with growing up at present; she is very confused about whether she is a child or an adult, and of course the answer is that she is neither, (or a bit of both).  She can also be confused in her feelings about me; one minute they are like when she was a child, and I am the best person in the world   , next minute she is a teenager and I am an old misery with no idea of anything.

You said at one point that you are afraid your daughter may learn not to love you any more.  I would say that if I can love my Nmum, in spite of everything, you have nothing whatever to fear.   You sound like a very loving, very caring person.  I really wish you well in reuniting your family.

[Anonymous]

Hi Anna,
I know you're busy ranting on your other thread, and you're doing a very good job of it.  I hope you will keep at it as long as you need. It did me a world of good when I first found this place. Its one thing to rant to the wild blue yonder. Quite another to do it in front of people who know what you're talking about.
I just wanted to ask a couple more questions.
Do you have a written record of what your family has said to and about you?
Do you have witnesses to what they have said about you?
Have they repeated these things to others?
Could your uncle help you any further?
From they have said and done it looks like you would have a very strong case for intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress along with defamation of character. If the victim has a history of therapy and emotional damage it is especially easy to nail their arse to the wall, because they should have known their actions would cause this distress.
I would like to point out to you that because of the evil lockstep nature of N minds it is very easy to get them to incriminate themselves further if you give them the rope to hang themselves. If you could gather enough evidence, including what you have told your therapists it seems like you could find an attorney to take your case on a contingency basis. You could probably then piggyback your case to get your daughter back on that. A bunch of rich doctors in front of a jury slandering a mother and seperating her from her daughter does not a sympathetic defendant make.
Just a suggestion for how to get an angle on these people.

mudpuppy

[d's mom]

Hi Anna,
I know you're busy ranting on your other thread, and you're doing a very good job of it.  I hope you will keep at it as long as you need. It did me a world of good when I first found this place. Its one thing to rant to the wild blue yonder. Quite another to do it in front of people who know what you're talking about.

hey mudpuppy!

you are sooooo right. i am feeling soooooo much better after talking to all of you and reading about all of you.........

my life, it so often feels like that move, 'invasion of the body snatchers'...... where you are looking at your very last friend and you look into their eyes and think its all ok and then........ they are an alien toooooooo.............. its spooky, lonely, crazy-making, terrifying, annoying, well you get the picture. you are all helping me  strengthen my voice and I LOVE IT!!!!! thank you!!!!

I just wanted to ask a couple more questions.
Do you have a written record of what your family has said to and about you?

bless you, ask away - YES.

Do you have witnesses to what they have said about you?

YES.

Have they repeated these things to others?

YES. and other people believed them, and it did measurable damage to me. (that qualifies for slander/libel i forget which) i already looked it up.


Could your uncle help you any further?

mmmm..... probly not. i hate to throw good money after bad. id rather find a lawyer to do contingency.

From they have said and done it looks like you would have a very strong case for intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress along with defamation of character. If the victim has a history of therapy and emotional damage it is especially easy to nail their arse to the wall, because they should have known their actions would cause this distress.

you are =precisely= correct. i looked this up as well. being fuly aware as they were that i was recovering from both PTSD -and- a brain injury, and doing this action which they were fully aware was going to cause extreme unecessary STRESS, puts them at much greater liability. this -is- true legally.   (if you can find a lawyer with guts)

I would like to point out to you that because of the evil lockstep nature of N minds it is very easy to get them to incriminate themselves further if you give them the rope to hang themselves. If you could gather enough evidence, including what you have told your therapists it seems like you could find an attorney to take your case on a contingency basis. You could probably then piggyback your case to get your daughter back on that. A bunch of rich doctors in front of a jury slandering a mother and seperating her from her daughter does not a sympathetic defendant make.
Just a suggestion for how to get an angle on these people.

mudpuppy

you are precisely on the money. i could really take them to the cleaners but i will need a bulldog attorney. i have sooooo much evidence against them, they have hung themselves many times over. i have been scrupulously attentive to keeping my own actions clean and blame-free. (hence the stress.) but they were so certain i could do nothing to stop them, they were very sloppy, and did a bunch of very bad stuff that is well documented and witnessed. all i need, is a lawyer who is not afraid of them, which has been a lot tougher to find than it seems.

talking to all of you, has been a massive shot in the arm. im already thinking clearer. with these nutcases, its so much a 'mental game'. they keep you so beaten down so you cant even think. but, that is changing fast. not sure how long it will take but i know they -will- regret the day they decided to pick on this mama. :}

thanks for the -validation- this means either im not as crazy as i thought, or im crazy in the same way as lots of other people. either way is totally better than being alone. ;}
gracias senor
d's mom

[d's mom]

Hi Anna,
I know you're busy ranting on your other thread, and you're doing a very good job of it.  I hope you will keep at it as long as you need. It did me a world of good when I first found this place. Its one thing to rant to the wild blue yonder. Quite another to do it in front of people who know what you're talking about.

hey mudpuppy!

you are sooooo right. i am feeling soooooo much better after talking to all of you and reading about all of you.........

my life, it so often feels like that move, 'invasion of the body snatchers'...... where you are looking at your very last friend and you look into their eyes and think its all ok and then........ they are an alien toooooooo.............. its spooky, lonely, crazy-making, terrifying, annoying, well you get the picture. you are all helping me  strengthen my voice and I LOVE IT!!!!! thank you!!!!

I just wanted to ask a couple more questions.
Do you have a written record of what your family has said to and about you?

bless you, ask away - YES.

Do you have witnesses to what they have said about you?

YES.

Have they repeated these things to others?

YES. and other people believed them, and it did measurable damage to me. (that qualifies for slander/libel i forget which) i already looked it up.


Could your uncle help you any further?

mmmm..... probly not. i hate to throw good money after bad. id rather find a lawyer to do contingency.

From they have said and done it looks like you would have a very strong case for intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress along with defamation of character. If the victim has a history of therapy and emotional damage it is especially easy to nail their arse to the wall, because they should have known their actions would cause this distress.

you are =precisely= correct. i looked this up as well. being fuly aware as they were that i was recovering from both PTSD -and- a brain injury, and doing this action which they were fully aware was going to cause extreme unecessary STRESS, puts them at much greater liability. this -is- true legally.   (if you can find a lawyer with guts)

I would like to point out to you that because of the evil lockstep nature of N minds it is very easy to get them to incriminate themselves further if you give them the rope to hang themselves. If you could gather enough evidence, including what you have told your therapists it seems like you could find an attorney to take your case on a contingency basis. You could probably then piggyback your case to get your daughter back on that. A bunch of rich doctors in front of a jury slandering a mother and seperating her from her daughter does not a sympathetic defendant make.
Just a suggestion for how to get an angle on these people.

mudpuppy

you are precisely on the money. i could really take them to the cleaners but i will need a bulldog attorney. i have sooooo much evidence against them, they have hung themselves many times over. i have been scrupulously attentive to keeping my own actions clean and blame-free. (hence the stress.) but they were so certain i could do nothing to stop them, they were very sloppy, and did a bunch of very bad stuff that is well documented and witnessed. all i need, is a lawyer who is not afraid of them, which has been a lot tougher to find than it seems.

talking to all of you, has been a massive shot in the arm. im already thinking clearer. with these nutcases, its so much a 'mental game'. they keep you so beaten down so you cant even think. but, that is changing fast. not sure how long it will take but i know they -will- regret the day they decided to pick on this mama. :}

thanks for the -validation- this means either im not as crazy as i thought, or im crazy in the same way as lots of other people. either way is totally better than being alone. ;}
gracias senor
d's mom

[Anonymous]

d's mom/anna,

my life, it so often feels like that move, 'invasion of the body snatchers'...... where you are looking at your very last friend and you look into their eyes and think its all ok and then........ they are an alien toooooooo..............

Too funny. A few weeks ago I said the very same thing about the very same movie on some other thread! At least I think it was me, if not then someone else thinks like you too.

Could your uncle help you any further?

mmmm..... probly not. i hate to throw good money after bad. id rather find a lawyer to do contingency.

Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of as a witness. He must have seen some pretty rotten behavior to want to help you.

all i need, is a lawyer who is not afraid of them, which has been a lot tougher to find than it seems.

Have you looked in the field of lawyers who specialize in personal injury?
One aspect of intentional infliction of emotional distress is that insurance almost never covers this kind of behavior. This can be good and bad. Its harder to find a lawyer because they're less likely to make a quick settlement with an insurance company. Its good because if you do win an award it comes directly out of your tormentor's pockets!

Two potential problems; where would a legal proceeding be held? California or Oregon?
And what about the statute of limitations? In CA its only one year on slander/libel and two on intentional infliction of emotional distress.

There's got to be an ambulance chaser somewhere who wants to take a bunch of doctors to the cleaners.

mudpuppy