hanging in

[write]

had a dip in mood last night, but otherwise doing ok. Keeping busy.

Breaking with a n leaves such a gap doesn't it- ironic really.

Sometimes I think it's the immense energy we expend during the 'relationship'...sometimes I think it's the fact that grieving is so hard: for an n everything is so about them and so minimised for you, it's hard to think of it as a relationship at all, to wonder just what you're grieving for! 'Relief' would be a better emotion.

I can't believe after all I said and worked through with nh & the therapist that the first relationship I went into was with another n.

At least I realised and ended it within a few months this time: that's progress I guess.

[Brigid]

Write,

So good to see you.  I know we've all been thinking of you.

At least I realised and ended it within a few months this time: that's progress I guess.

Absolutely!! That is wonderful progress and you can be very proud of yourself.    And you are working on yourself now and that is a very good thing.  As you get stronger, you will be able to make better decisions about who you allow into your life.  Have faith and feel the prayers and love being sent your way.

((((((Write))))))

Brigid

[Anonymous]

Breaking with a n leaves such a gap doesn't it- ironic really... I can't believe after all I said and worked through with nh & the therapist that the first relationship I went into was with another n.

At least I realised and ended it within a few months this time: that's progress I guess.

Hey write, good to hear from you. A lot of Ns are masters of disguise at first and they have some kind of loneliness radar - they zoom in on someone who is really ripe for relationship and wants it badly, then they wave all these lying promises as bait, and once they think you've committed to them... the mask drops.

Yeah, it is hard after a breakup. All that drama, all that activity, all that stuff going on, we get so used to it, we don't know what to do with all the quiet and all the peace.

Old blues song: "been down so long it looks like up to me."

Variation for all of us this board: "been downtrodden so long it looks like uplifting to me."  

hang in there, it's good to see you here!

hugs

stormchild

[longtire]

(((((write))))))

Sorry you are feeling down again.  If you can, keep in mind that healing doesn't move in a straight line.  It loops and spirals around.  It does for me, anyway.  It really sucks sometimes, but is normal and gets better each loop around.

I look back at my experience and realize that there were some indications of things to come, but my wife was on her absolute best "loving" behavior UNTIL we got married.  I saw and heard some clues before then, but she was NOT acting on them until she "had" me.  I am reading "Stop Walking On Eggshell" on BipolarPD.  There is a story of a man there who dated his future wife for [/b]12 years[/b] and still didn't have any idea what kind of ride he was in for.  People with these problems have superhuman ability to "look" good for years until they've got you hooked.  Then, the real truth comes out.  Don't blame yourself because you don't go around every day paranoid about relationships looking for reasons to distrust people.  You have a good heart.  I'll keep praying for you and sending you good thoughts.  You are not alone here.

[Lara]

Dear Write,
Yes it is ironic that we feel this 'gap' when the N is gone, isn't it? My days seem very long sometimes now, not necessarily in a bad way, but when I was with the N, it's like I was always 'buzzing,' or in a kind of quiet frenzy.
Dealing with all the feelings these people evoke in you seems to be like a full-time job when you're in the relationship. (I used to buzz around, but at the same time neglect to do important things,like paying bills on time.)

It must be a lot better for our physical health to be in a calmer state, even if we do feel empty sometimes.

Take care Write...still in my thoughts every day.

Sincerely,
Lara.

[Anonymous]

Hi Write

((((Write))))

Glad you're doing better.  

Sounds like you are gradually recovering from your N and not allowing your life to be sucked out of you b/c of some nutball.

Continue to hang in there.

God Bless.
Mia

[write]

I'm so lonely right now, and of course I'm back on meds for bipolar ( mania which is often triggered by stress ) so they sap some of the fenzy-energy too...

But I got me a dog today, she's so cute. I decided I need a different kind of companion, and she's something so 'normal' and ordinary let lovely...we're going to have some great talks and walks I can see!

[Anonymous]

Yay puppy love!

Animals are the best in the world at giving unconditional love. I'm so glad you have a fuzzball in your life. You'll be amazed what a difference she makes.

((((((((((Write)))))))))) ((((((((((New Pup))))))))))

Stormchild

[Anonymous]

I'm so lonely right now,

But I got me a dog today, she's so cute.

I bet your dog will end up being one of the best friends you've ever had.

What kind of dog?  Male or female?  How old?

Just curious....and so glad you have a new companion!!!    

GFN

[Stormchild]

Write, how kind of you... I just saw you on the other thread.

How are you? Please post and let us know about the pup.

((((((((((write))))))))))

[write]

my new dog.

SO friendly and beautiful.

Just what I need in my life right now.

I walked her an hour ago and looked at the clouds and stars with a sense of peace I've not had in a long time.

For now I want to fill up my life with wonderful things like this...I'm not ready for a relationship so I'll find other positive ways to be fulfilled and heal.

Today was a really good day.

Love to everyone- and hope!

[Brigid]

Write,

Isn't it amazing how wonderful those furry creatures can make us feel.  I'm so glad you are feeling better and have a new friend to take care of and love.  It takes awhile, but you will eventually like spending time alone curled up with your furball.  You know they will never desert you or lie to you.

(((((((Write + new puppy)))))))

Brigid

[Stormchild Guesting]

...I'm not ready for a relationship so I'll find other positive ways to be fulfilled and heal.

Surprise! You're in a relationship now . You've got us, and even better, you've got a warm loving ball of fuzz who loves you back. Congratulations. Really truly.  

Today was a really good day. Love to everyone- and hope!

Write, I am so glad you are walking in sunlight again          

[Anonymous]

AWWW  Write!!!!  I'm so glad you hear you're doing alright!!!

Yay!!! For hope!!!  

So glad to hear you speak of it like that!!!

And your pup sounds like a beaut!!!  She'll be there for you, Write.
She'll help you too....to get out and look at those stars and even the sunny clouds!!

Here's to your healing!!!! (drink with little cherry and umbrella in it -icon here please).    

You are now one of my heroines!!

GFN

[write]

it's hard to believe how quickly this latest crisis turned around- but I think it was reaching out to you guys and my wonderful therapist, going right back onto meds and staying on them, ending a toxic relationship and even seeing the progress made with nh and my family...

having a mood disorder is hard to live with but has often masked the fact that I let toxic people into my life with few boundaries. The mania gives energy beyond belief. And I've always had this feeling 'well I'm flawed too' so why judge other 'flawed' people.

But I realised the difference now: and that there's only me to protect me from people with problems who choose to act them out with other vulnerable people.

All my life I've been waiting for those parents to step up to the plate and take care of me some, and though I know intellectually it won't happen, emotionally there's the little girl inside who's been denied a fundamental of unconditional love.

The toxic people who I let into my life: they always seem to provide this. They love me despite my illness. They love me very quickly after coming into my life. They tell me how wonderful I am.

At first: then things quickly revert to the old pattern of me adjusting ( my perception and my behaviour ) of me trying to be 'all things to all people' and mostly of me putting aside my own needs to some fantasy future when everything will magically come right with the relationship.

There's a fun book called 'he's just not that into you'~ I'm going to get that and re-read soon, remind myself of some basic facts.

Just walked the dog for the second time- feeling wonderfully calm and though life without a relationship is a bit lonely- losing the angst and anxiety is very nice too.

Thanks for letting me ramble!

And don't give up hope anyone who's in despair: keep posting and reading and taking care of yourself.