Author Topic: Releasing Wounded and Wounding Friends & Loved Ones (Read 11771 times)

Brigid · « **Reply #60 on:** April 26, 2005, 11:23:05 AM »

Patz,

Good for you my friend.

Isn't it amazing what age does for self-confidence? I really don't give a rat's behind anymore about stepping on toes, if they're stuck out there for someone to trip over. People need to be made accountable for selfish, insensitive behavior.

I'm proud of you.

Brigid

Portia · « **Reply #61 on:** April 26, 2005, 11:39:03 AM »

GFN and Storm, thank you. Brain hurts. Maybe I need to confront the ‘nothing’ that I get, up close and personal. Maybe I need to tell her my truth, once and for all, ground zero. Maybe then I could let it go by necessity. That is scary. (What are you afraid of P?) Lots. Living. Gotta fight my own denial Storm. I just found a new challenger, a new opponent for the life-force to counter-balance! And it's me. I hate this. I love you guys. Thanks many times. P

Anonymous · « **Reply #62 on:** April 26, 2005, 12:06:18 PM »

Brigid:

IT is amazing what age does. Apparently there are some good things despite the gravity thingi going on with my body. LOL

Now that I have got that out of my system I am ready to go meet the day Brigid. Have a good one. Check ya later.

Patz

Stormchild Guesting · « **Reply #63 on:** April 26, 2005, 12:50:04 PM »

((((((((((Brigid, Patz, Portia))))))))))

Anonymous · « **Reply #64 on:** April 26, 2005, 04:46:26 PM »

Hello all:

Thanks for the hug, Stormy. Same to you. ((((((Stormy)))))

Patz: Some people!!! Good for you for taking the reigns!! Who cares what they think is right!!!

Hi Brigid: Just wanted to say Hi!

Portia:

Quote

Maybe I need to tell her my truth, once and for all, ground zero.

How do you think she might react? What might come out of her mouth?

Which hurts more? Imagining/guessing? Not saying/playing?

Does letting go mean the relationship you have, or the one you wish for?

Sorry about your brain, P. It'll be ok. It's a good brain.

GFN

Anonymous · « **Reply #65 on:** April 26, 2005, 05:29:10 PM »

ps:

Forgot to say.....questions for you to consider. Not to answer here, if you don't feel like it, Portia.

GFN

Stormchild · « **Reply #66 on:** May 06, 2005, 02:45:59 PM »

Hi all --

The folks I was thinking about when I started this thread have been in touch... called yesterday. My birthday is coming up and they want to 'do something'.

Mind, now, I've been on a ten week leave of absence and they could have 'done something' anytime during the last two months.

This has nothing to do with me, and I see that very clearly.

So I told them, no, I'm not celebrating my birthday [translation: I'm not inconveniencing myself so someone else can have a party that won't really be about me or my birthday for more than ten seconds, if that].

Then I said, if you want to do something, here are the names of two friends I work with who know (the male half of this pair) [because I introduced them all]. You guys set up a lunch some day at which they will also be present, and I'll be happy to show. That's all I want, and I don't want any presents.

This, I think, will involve sufficient work, and disallow sufficient self-indulgence, that it will never happen.

Oooowee, I bit a pickle today.

Sorry!

Added on edit: well, I'll be darned. I just recalled something very informative... when my noisy neighbors first moved in, I had a really baaaad feeling about them, and I remember telling these folks about that. You guessed it. Never having met, or even seen, these people, they defended THEM....

Jeez Louise. I don't need this. Thanks, everyone, for correcting my vision here!

mudpuppy · « **Reply #67 on:** May 06, 2005, 03:28:28 PM »

Hey Stormy,

Maybe you could have a birthday party here. There are all sorts of people here who would love to help you celebrate, and who think your noisy neighbors are twits. I volunteer Brigid for food right off the bat.

Are your 'friends' introspective at all? Do they know how they are or are they just oblivious to others feelings. Or maybe just your feelings.
I've never met anybody who would defend a noisy twerp in an apartment building, not even another noisy twerp.

If you have a party I'll bring my stomach again.

mudpup

Anonymous · « **Reply #68 on:** May 06, 2005, 03:30:35 PM »

Go Stormy Go!!!

Good for you for clearly stating your wishes and going with your gut.

Pass those pickles!!!

(hope they're loaded with garlic!!).

Quote

You guessed it. Never having met, or even seen, these people, they defended THEM....

What idiocy!! They should live next door to them then!!

I love it when people who haven't got a clue look dummer than me by jamming their whole leg down their throat!! It really boosts my self-esteem!!!

If you do go for lunch, have a blast!! Laugh a lot and ignor whatever ridiculous comments they make, by changing the subject to whatever makes you smile.

Happy Birthday coming up Stormy!!! It's your day!!!

GFN

Stormchild · « **Reply #69 on:** May 06, 2005, 03:38:41 PM »

I kind of mis-spoke myself, but not entirely.

It was more denial than defense, in a way. One of those "Oh, I'm sure they'll turn out to be perfectly nice" pieces of BS which really mean, "dont bother me with your problems, I don't want to hear about them."

No, I don't think they can see the problem. The gal was so badly abused by her mother that she has a dissociative disorder and a pain threshhold that is frightening... she's neglected her health in some terrifying ways.

And yet they're spending this weekend at her mother's, and have spent many other weekends likewise during the last two months.

So.... on some level they prefer the company of people who abuse them. And have a truly horrifying level of denial. Thanks for the thought, I realized this wasn't about me, and now I'm realizing that the denial is so extreme that there isn't really room for friendship, because at this time in my life I refuse to buy into any more of it, or have it foisted on me.

However, I don't have to be mean. I don't have to even be explicit. I can just quietly fade away.

Brigid · « **Reply #70 on:** May 06, 2005, 05:55:09 PM »

Stormy,

You celebrate your birthday the way that makes you happy. As I recall, it is a "big" one and should be special if you want it to be in the way you want it to be.

I guess I'll have to start cleaning again because our darling Mudbrother got his belly in gear and:

Quote

I volunteer Brigid for food right off the bat.

That's what I get for opening my big mouth.

When is the big day? I'll be there with your favorite cake.

Brigid

Stormchild · « **Reply #71 on:** May 06, 2005, 07:37:18 PM »

Unfortuntaely, it's next Saturday - not this coming one, the one after, the 14th. The board's pretty dead on weekends.

However, after a lifetime of having final exams and so forth on the exact dang day, I never try to celebrate on it anyway.

I will be back at work full time Monday the 16th & ff, so I'll just catch up with any good wishes sent my way in the evenings, after I get home. With any luck we can prolong this for a solid week

.

Thanks all

bunny · « **Reply #72 on:** May 06, 2005, 07:43:17 PM »

Stormchild,

I also find it oppressive when people (okay my parents) want to "celebrate" my birthday, and it's just a big hassle for me. Somehow i always feel guilty on my birthday, like I TOOK something from my mother rather than contributed to her life. Anyway I almost dread my birthday except I give myself presents for at least a week -- usually a month. And it's coming up soon.

bunny

Stormchild Guesting · « **Reply #73 on:** May 07, 2005, 09:10:33 PM »

Bunny, I hope you are able to do what makes you feel good, when you want to, in exactly the way you want to, as you observe your birthday.

Thanks for that message of support.

I can't think of any group of people I'd rather hang with on my natal day than y'all here.

Thanks, y'all, for that too.

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