And sometimes that special brand of N-negativity is the gift that keeps on giving...
I was talking to my mother last night about my nephew. He'll graduate from college in a few weeks. He's also in the Marine reserves, so of course he could be activated at any time. But he decided to pursue his ambition to go into soccer coaching. He actually maneuvered a graduate assistantship in coaching at a small school in the southwest. Apparently, a graduate assistanship is how you start. It's how everybody starts.
My mother has been relentlessly negative and down about this decision, and she brands my nephew a failure because of it. I generally speak up for him. Last night, I said to my mother, "Look. I want him to pursue what he wants. He's young. He has time. I think it's great that he's strong enough to do this, even though it's far from home and he'll have no money for years. I wish I had been strong enough to do the same."
"What do you mean?" she said.
"Don't you remember?" I said. "When I was a senior in college, I was offered that newspaper job, but I didn't take it because of the money. I was too afraid that I wouldn't be able to make it."
"You were offered a newspaper job?" she said.
"Yes," I answered.
Silence for a moment. "Well, it wouldn't have come to anything, anyway," she said.
Now, what I didn't remind her of is that, in fact, I accepted that job. Then I called home to share my good news, and my mother raked me over the coals until I felt like pulled pork. She laughed at me, she told me I was ridiculous, she told me that never, no-how and no way, would I be able to make a job like that work out. After I hung up the phone, I cried for a few hours, then I called them back and said I had thought it over and decided not to take the job. I was very weak, yes, that's what I did.
That's always been a turning point for me. Oh, I don't spend a lot of time on it anymore--it was 20 years ago--but I am determined to support any young person I know (read: nephew) in following his or her heart. I've talked it over with my husband, and we've decided to send the kid a few hundred dollars a month during this assistantship, rather than give him a big graduation present. It would have made all the difference in the world to me, at one point in my life.
Anyway, this sort of relentlessly negative reinforcement never goes away.
daylily
