Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
acapella and the other n-partners
Anonymous:
Great message Jaded. I hope everyone follows suit because I think it would be a really good thing to begin the support and healing re. Nism again.
Not really to cut off anyone's expression of feelings because when there is anger, hurt, confusion, etc., it is healing, and even healthy, to sort and vent. But there needs to be a time where the balance of the subject content begins to shift back to the 'norm'.
About Sam & marriage, here are some excerpts from his archives.
Take care.
For YEARS I tried to settle down. Bought a home, married, established businesses, paid taxes. Went nuts. Acted out.
In 1993 my wife had an affair. I overheard her hesitantly enquiring about a suggested venue. I loved her the way only a narcissist knows how to, the way a junkie loves his drugs.
I was married once and almost married twice but women are very hesitant with me.
I *think* I remember his writing about being engaged at one time(while he still was). I remembered being totally in awe, to put it mildly, that any woman, given what he was disclosing about himself in his extensive works, would marry him. Turns out she didn't follow through.
GuestPeach:
Whoops-- The previous message was from me, GuestPeach. Forgot to add the username.
Anonymous:
Guest Peach I am going to try this incognito entrance because I think it is sorta mysterious. Lord knows my life is hum drum without all of the N drama. Damn that feels kinda good to be able to say that.
Anyhow, this is Jaded and I just wanted to thank ya for the information about Sam. Sometimes if I think deep about a subject I have even deeper questions that arise. I was thinking about some of the people who have the authority to advise others. For example Sam: Yes he is talking from his own experience but if we take what he has to say as the gospel, he is contradicting what he says a N is. Its kind of like a habitual bank robber informing a bank how to secure their bank from himself. So if Sam believes what he says is the truth, why hasnt he mended his whicked ways? It is obvious he is only giving his lip service to the cause, not really putting his heart and soul into his efforts to mending his N self. I dunno, it becomes so mind boggling trying to figure it out.
Then I think of a priest giving marriage advice to a couple. Alrighty, ya just know his advice is learned material, he has not live it, never been married, so how would he know the feelings, mechanics of it, and the depth of marriage if he hasnt experienced those feelings?
I read about NPD before and I thought it was confusing and I really didnt care much to learn more about it. I moved on with my studies never thought it would be knowledge I would need, so it did not really have a big impact on me. Years later I lived it and all of a sudden the word NPD took on a new meaning to me. It wasnt just words on a page, it was real and it was now my life and I realised how those words in that book did not even begin to desribe the affects of the ordeal or the aftermath of it. So I guess I know from being involved with a N, Nothing that comes out of their mouths I believe. He is speaking from experience unlike a priest who gives marriage counseling, but I dont know, it just gives me the same gut feeling I had with my N.
Because I experienced my xN saying all the right things at all the right times, I am wondering if I am better off learning from someone who has not lived it but learned it, or from someone who confesses openly as a full blown N. He has lived it and displays it openly while he advises others how to avoid the likes of himself.
Anonymous:
'Nofights' here
I have always had the same doubt about Sam's words (if we believe what he says an N is, then we can't believe what he says - a real conundrum)
But he has responded to queries about this conundrum by saying that his 'payoff' for being truthful about all of this is that it puts him in the role of 'expert', and thus fulfills his grandiose tendencies.
I don't think that quite answers the question for me either, but there ya go.
All I know is that when I first came upon Sam's materials, so much of it rang so familiar that it took me a few weeks to get my jaw off the floor. It resonated with me, for some reason, so I am careful not to discard it all for the sake of a logical conundrum
Anonymous:
I agree with you guest. I do not really trust what he has to say but then again I have learned from what he has to say.
He was the first person I stumbled upon while trying to figure this all out. It was all so overwhelming at that time because of the state I was in. If he is speaking half truths when he says anything it does give me a glimpse inside of their minds. I just want to know more on N at the personal level. I think I have a good feeling for the dynamics of it, I would just love to find some information on a more personal level.
One thing I do know, I have yet to read or hear of anyone who has overcome it. You just cant talk the talk, you have to walk the walk. I think that would be a hard road to tow for them.
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