Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
acapella and the other n-partners
hope2003:
I had the same reaction to Vaknin's book as nofights. But, if you read it carefully, it is full of contradicts.
I keep it handy as a reminder.
Jaded911:
Hope,
That is a good way to look at it, I never thought of keeping it around for a reminder. But I know that is not one book I reach for when I want the truth about Nism.
GuestPeach:
Re. Sam V. hard to trust: I had to wonder in that quote where he talks about his wife having had an affair, whether it was so, or a projection of his own behavior :? I've read on the boards several times already, where the N partner was accused of excessive flirting and/or cheating, when they were completely innocent and it was really the N doing so.
It was the same for me Jaded. As part of my studies and work I'd read about Nism but had no clue I was living it. The DSM descriptors & a good bit of the Sam V. stuff didn't fit my xN.
For myself, the *partners* of N’s has been the best learning source. I don’t mean the specific board, I mean all of us who have been involved in intricate relationships with N’s. I actually read about Nism from those other sources at one time because of my notice of his extreme self-centeredness, and wrote it off as applying to him. I only realized my xN was indeed an N no doubt, after reading the messages of those that were partners of N’s on the boards.
But now that I have a much broader view about Nism, I can get value from the other sources as well. They just weren’t good *first* sources for me. At any rate, when reading stuff I draw my own conclusions as to what seems to fit for my situation, and take some and leave some.
MariaTree:
Hope, I wanted you to know that my comment was not directed at you. It was an inappropriate thing for me to say, and I understand your feeling that it was unfair that no one called me on it.
I benefitted greatly from all of the N-partner's input, but I did experience some uncomfortably familiar feelings from some of the replies I read. That's probably not helpful for me to add,boundaries work both ways, and I will try to work on this.
I hope that all of the former N-partners are well. MariaTree
hope2003:
Mariatree:
As I said before, I didn't assume that your comments were directed at me. I was merely pointing out a double standard. i was kicked off before calling ANYONE a name. You called people N's. The EXACT name that Sandahl said was so offensive that it warranted being banned.
I am not commenting on whether or not your comments were inappropriate. I think you are entitled to your opinion. I am not saying that I agree or disagree. I didn't think your comments were particulary malicious, and therefore, I feel that type of dialogue is appropriate regardless of whether or not I agree with the content.
I e-mailed Sandahl directly to point out her hypocrisy. Big surprise, no response.
But, I thank you for the kind words. It is really a shame what happened.
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