Just need to write

[Anonymous]

Each of us, I think, has an empty place in his or her spirit, a place that should have been filled but wasn't. And it seems so unfair to have to do the hard work of filling it ourselves. It feels like yet another crime against us.

Daylily, what an accurate thing to say.  I know this place too and feel really sad/angry about it sometimes.  It seems natural to mourn this as a loss.

It is hard work to fill it ourselves.  But what choice do we have?  We can leave it empty or try to fill it, right?

But first....I think we do have to mourn the loss of it and grieve over what never was. And maybe...we will grieve that loss many times before we are really finished with it, if ever.

Being responsible for our own happiness comes after (or inbetween, if we take breaks) releasing the feelings inside that erupt when we feel that empty place rising up.  And filling it up with good stuff is hard work and does seem very unfair, like another assault.  I wish I could fill all the empty spaces here with pure, concentrated love.

((((((((((((((all)))))))))))))))

GFN

[mum]

Flowergirl: I am sad for your lack of true mothering.....
As GFN said, we end up filling those voids ourselves.  My daughter has a real "lack" in the father department (oh, she has one, but he is unavailable to her as a father should be, and is actually pretty awful..a big huge N).  But she is filling this void herself.  I like to think I help, as an example, and by giving her the love he cannot, but I am not her father, and she is finding ways to fill this void  herself.
As harsh as it sounds, it's actually quite wonderful.....we do what we can, and the healing, the hugging really comes from ourselves..  We are creating the experiences that lead us to get those hugs and the pther things we need to feel loved.  You posted here, people opened "arms".  You opened up to friends and ways to feel better...the sun shone and you went to dinner.
It's within you.  You create it.  You are remarkable.