Child of NPD parent -50 years on.

[Karin Guest]

Yep, came to that conclusion too.

[Anonymous]

I'm not in Australia so I hope I'm not talking nonsense to you folks who are. But, where I live (the US) there are several varieties of therapists to choose from. Psychiatrists, clinical psychologists, psychiatric social workers. And the clin psych folks fall into different 'schools' of thought, there are behaviorists and Jungians, etc.

Do you have any of that variety? Is there any way you can look for a Jungian psychotherapist, for instance? I know there was an excellent Jung web site in Oz, don't recall which university and if it's still active.

If you have other options than a psychiatrist (or whatever discipline has been playing these games with you) please do try. I found psychiatrists to be totally unhelpful to me, and found directive clin psych folks to be the absolute tops. You can ask them in the first meeting if they will be candid with you and share diagnostic info, etc, and if they get all huffy and fluffy you have your answer... but a good clin psych person should know that knowledge is power and their job is to empower you!

Good luck... I'm sorry you've had such useless 'help'.

[Anonymous]

Oh darn. I also meant to recommend a book but signed off too soon.

I know it's available in the Commonwealth because I bought the Arrow Books version in Europe. It's called "People of the Lie" and a remarkable American psychiatrist...  very Jungian which is unusual... wrote it. Named M. Scott Peck.

It can be painful to read but I have never found a more enlightening book, on the subject of Ns and what makes some of them tick. Being Jungian, he does move smoothly from the psychological reality to the spiritual reality, so if that discomfits you then you may want to get the book from the library for a trial read. But hopefully it will open doors and turn on lights.

Really signing off now. Good luck again -- glad you're here.

[October]

Thanks to you all - you DO understand!
My T says" I am not in favor of labelling people or categorizing them"
I disagreed and I said so.

I have heard this several times from ts in the UK, so it is not just in Australia.    I usually say, I am not looking for a label, I am looking for a signpost, in order to work out a route, because standing still is not an option that I am prepared to accept.

There is a huge difference.  

[jophil]

I have read 'People of the Lie' --GOOD!
In reference to T's down here. Many of them avoid offering a diagnosis - probably because they do not know what they are dealing with.
They is also a strong movement in the psych community to avoid using the 'medical model'.. Duh!
Therapists down here are, for the most part, a spineless bunch of smiling handholding wimps who are dragged along by some Fad from southern California which was discarded ten years ago.-
We are still stuck in the 'Self esteem' movement and playing the game of 'Blame the victim', is also popular.

Tough luck for all of those who are suffering.
The male suicide rate down here is also appalingly high.

Go figure!

[longtire]

Welcome, jophil!  I agree that some therapists are worse than others.  I stopped seeing the T that I had seen for many years and found another because the first T was not helping me.  He seemed to be wandering around confused.  I always got the impression that he knew a lot about me, but never came close to knowing me.  My new T seems to know me even though she doesn't know all that much about me yet.  Does that make sense?

To be fair, my first T helped me work through LOADS of stuff and get out of depression.  I'm glad I had his help through all that.  He just wasn't able to help me through more intimate relationship stuff.

Since you're new and haven't had time to read through my entire "long, long story" thread here's my story with dyfunction in a nutshell.  My parents were probably depressed and didn't validate or support or even talk to me as a human being.  They didn't go out of their way to attack me, like your father, they just weren't "there."  I married my wife, who I now believe has undiagnosed Borderline PD with some N traits.  I got depressed, went through therapy, got better.  The marriage was still bad, so I ended up slowly numbing out.  Somehow, I woke up and have done a bunch of work over the past year and recently moved out and separated from my wife.  Still working...

Anyone who claims to not use labels is a liar. (I'm asking for it...)  Words are labels (symbols), they are not what is actually being discussed.  Some people seem to be afraid of labels like once labelled, it can never be changed.  Yes, labels can be misused dismissively, avoiding understanding, rather than seeking it.  Don't blame the tool, blame the (mis)user!  I use labels all the time in seeking understanding.  When my understanding grows, the label can change.  All communication is shorthand anyway.  We can NEVER express our full experience with every nuance and sublety.  We can't even be aware of all that ourselves!  We would never get anything done.  Sorry, minor rant on labels.  If a label helps communicate, use it.  If not, don't.

[P]

Hello Jophil, something from an earlier post struck me:

Consequently I have a "small" life which seems to be designed that way so that the evil force may not notice it and wreck it. Not a fun way to live !

I think I have a “small” life too! But the more I sort my head out, the more I like some parts of my life because I choose them. I’ve stopped caring too much what others think about my life too. That helps me.

I live a fairly ‘safe’ life in some ways (not doing things for fear of failure for example). But I know what’s mine and apart from war, not much could take it from me ( must check that home insurance policy….).

What is it about your life now that you don’t like or want to change?

Where would the fun be if you could have it?

These are actually good questions for me to ask myself too, so thank you. and welcome! Portia

[jophil]

My father had a cruel streak which weaved it's way through his every attempt to control me. He was not satisfied with absolute control, he also needed to let me know that I was being controlled and most of all he made sure that I knew that there was nothing that I could do about it. He used subtle belittling, insults and humiliation in this campaign of psychological warfare.
His tactics were many and varied -all cruel and callously designed to enhance his position of power at my expense.
One of his favorites -He would 'encourage' me to strive and work hard to achieve an objective or a goal. He did so by subtly offering approval and acceptance or some reward for my effort and for my future success.So I sweated and worked hard and the JUST when I got to reach out to the finish line he would wreck the game or move the finish line. So I then had to start another game all over.
Ain't that just like a Narcissist ?

[Anonymous]

I sweated and worked hard and the JUST when I got to reach out to the finish line he would wreck the game or move the finish line. So I then had to start another game all over.
Ain't that just like a Narcissist ?

Jophil, that's just like a classic abuser, too. You don't want to know how many people I have worked for - they were my supervisors - who played that exact same game with their staff.

There's a particularly warm corner of Hell reserved for these people, bullies, abusers, Ns. All of them.