Do NPD parents do these things ?

[jophil]

1.Expect unrealistic and punishing 'performance' from their children ,both academically and in sports.
2. Find ways of shifting blame and accountablity onto children whenever there is a difficulty at home or in the family.
3. Blame and criticise children relentlessly.
4. Making sure that children never experience a sense of 'ownership' of their thoughts , feelings, wishes and hopes..
5. Create an atmosphere in which children feel that they may be allowed to live another day IF they blindly obey their parents.
6.Send a strong mesage to children that they are entitled to nothing and the parents will dispense love and acceptance IF and when it suits them.
7. Never express any genuine affection and never use the Love word.
8. Never ask the children about their thoughts, feelings or opinions.
The parent's thoughts, feelings and opinions are forced onto the children.

Anyone care to add to the list ?

[Serena]

9.  Use nothing but negative language when speaking to their children, i.e. "You have wrecked my life and I wish you had never been born"... I could go on (and on!!)

[Anonymous]

10. Deliberately foster competition among their children by playing favorites.

11. Teach their children to relate to others only in terms of competition, never in terms of cooperation.

12. Compete savagely with their own children for attention, resources, etc.

[jophil]

13. Deliberately withhold and deprive in order to keep the children 'hungry'.

14.Never include the children in discussions about issues which directly impact the children,but rather hand down decisions which have benn made solely by the parents in private.

15. Enrol children in sports,activities or schools which 'supply' the N with peer or public admiration.

More ??

[wildrain]

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13. Deliberately withhold and deprive in order to keep the children 'hungry'.


This hit home!
I was raised my a N mother and an abusive father. I had to add that my N b/f has actually used this word!! He has told me "you are much better off "hungry" because you behavie so much better" I am always amazed how so much alike all these N people are.
I knew he did this to control me,but it always backfired on him.The more he withheld the less i wanted him near me. (Because i knew he was doing this to control me)
I also want to add that i belevie the N's are very  sick. That when we involve outselves with these people ,we are involving ourselves with very sick.emtionaly retarded people. When i was 8 years old i have a clear memory of saying to myself. "These people are sick" (speaking about my parents)  I look at N's as having mental illness and I  treat them as such. I know that I have suffered at their hands because of my upbringing I also know that it has nothing to do with "me" and it is their illness. I do not own it,they do. I do not blame myself. I still yearn to have the love i did not get as a child but I do know I "deseve" that love and I do not have to "perform" to get it .N's are toxic, sick people and we can only heal when we break free from their illness.
Everyone on this board has an amazing experience to share. I beleive it helps all of us to share our pain When we see we are NOt alone and that we our wrapped up with a mentaly ill person- I beleive it can change our prospective on how we view ourselves.
Thank you to everyone ~

[October]

16    Assume that the way they do it is the right way, and everyone who behaves differently is an inferior species of humanity.  Treat them and speak to and of them accordingly.
17    Whenever a conversation is started, use it to introduce a story from their childhood, about something trivial.  Speak at great length about it, leaving no gaps, and without caring whether others are listening or not.
18     When hearing of a bad event happening to their child, make comments relating to themselves.  
19     Seek out eagerly opportunities for histrionics, rather than ways to control themselves.
20     When imposing rules, such as bedtime or leaving a park etc, demand immediate compliance, with no five minute warning.
21     When speaking of the childhood of grown up children, imply that they were very difficult, or unmanageable, and not at all good or compliant, whatever the truth of the matter.
22      Treat the grandchildren just as they treated the children.
23      Sneer at 'lovey dovey' parents, and teach the children not to need affection.
24      Sacrifice the children and grandchildren to the NGod; body and soul.

[jophil]

OK, we are up to 24 so far and I can relate to 23 of them, Do ya think I had toxic folks ???

MY father was the head N at our house, but since he died my mother and younger brother have filled the void . NPD must be contagious.

Get this - recently I was talking with my Mom about borrowing a few thou$ for a business project from the money( lots) that my Father left to her.
He left nothing to us kids -all to her .It is another way that he found to  exert 'control' over us. More deprivation.  Anyways, she said,"I am willing to help you but you go dancing too much and if I lend you the money I EXPECT you to cut back to two nights a week. Your brother says that two is plenty". I am 54 years old.  

It never ends !! They never quit!!

[October]

Anyways, she said,"I am willing to help you but you go dancing too much and if I lend you the money I EXPECT you to cut back to two nights a week. Your brother says that two is plenty". I am 54 years old.  

I think I would take the money and carry on dancing.  Expecting is one thing, getting it is another.  This is unreasonable, and she must realise that.  You can't blame her for trying, though.