Author Topic: N ailments  (Read 7463 times)

October

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N ailments
« on: May 24, 2005, 07:06:07 AM »
I just wondered if there is any commonality in N ailments, and how they respond to them, in the same way as there is a commonality in the effect on their families.

My Nmother is in her early 70s.  She is very overweight, has high blood pressure and high cholesterol.  She uses tablets for both, (even though she claims to not be able to swallow tablets   :? ) and does not modify her diet at all to minimise the symptoms.  She takes no exercise whatever.  My dad has had a stomach ulcer and other digestive problems for years but does at least potter in the garden when he can.  He takes tablets and she feeds him a high fat diet, with lots of sugar, lots of fried and greasy foods.  They both smoke a lot.  Dad tries to cut down, but mum has never even tried.  Nobody knows how many she smokes, but it is a lot.  If she goes in my car she always has to have a cigarette the moment she gets out - and not because my driving is that bad!!!!!   :twisted: Dad can go a whole day without a smoke, and it doesn't bother him.  I think he could give up if it were not for mum.  She needs him to keep her company.

Some years ago Nmum was ill, and not sorting it out, so I went to the chemist and bought her some over the counter stuff - I forget what it was; cough medicine or whatever.  She loved the fuss; she went on and on about how it didn't matter and she was fine and not to worry, which all means exactly the opposite.  She actually means I know I am dying, but leave me in peace because nobody understands, and you will all be sorry when I am gone.  :?  She has actually said this kind of thing to me several times, over the years.  I usually tell her she is talking rubbish, or words to that effect.  Anyway, she made lots of complaints about not being able to take the medicine, and I insisted, and then she took it and rushed to the bathroom and made herself sick on purpose.  

Since then, needless to say, I leave her to her histrionics.  I buy Gaviscon for my dad if he needs it, but nothing for her.   :?

There seems to be some background expectation that illness/good health is to do with doctors, and is for them to 'cure', rather than being the responsibilty of the patient to maintain or maximise.  Whenever I try to talk about sensible eating, there is no response whatever.  It is just blanked out.  Is this to do with their perceived immortality?  No idea.  Just wondered what others find.

Bliz

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N ailments
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2005, 08:11:52 AM »
I would only guess that being an N, they think they are above doctors and naturally do not have to do anything to maintain their health.  It would all be about their, "specialness" and how they dont need to make an effort at anything.  ALso could be the fear of being revealed that they are human when the doctor says you need to do this and that to get better or stay well.  Too pedestrian.  Not enough "magical thinking" for the N.

wildrain

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N ailments
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2005, 08:28:20 AM »
------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just wondered if there is any commonality in N ailments, and how they respond to them, in the same way as there is a commonality in the effect on their familie

Just wanted to add that N's beleive they will be young forever and live forever. My N  Mother has said (more times then i can count) "You will all be sorry when I die" I ignore her.  Sherefuses to take care of her health (She LOVES the attention she feels she gets if she makes her self ill)I have a N bother who says/does the same thing.An N Grandmother who also said the same thing,though she was always pampering herself with expensive herbs and pills (too keep herself "young" (she is passed now)
I think N's cannot admit that they are dystroying their own health (after all they are always right) My N b/f smokes,(alot). He really does not wish to face that fact that he might be runing his own health. He will compalin endlessly about headaches or coughing and will tell me over and over "It is the dust in  his apt" causing it (and i should be cleaning HIS place more often) I do not clean it at all and I do not live with him. Thank God! (And he cant understand how my apt is so clean,It must be due to the fact that "I have so much time on my hands and have nothing to do I work full time,and have as small child"!)
 He will focus on stuipd little things (like someone dropping two rice grains while eatting, on his all ready old and unclean carpet) His place looks like an earthquake hit it but he will complain if you place your coat on his chair (because  all his chairs are covered with junk and "you are covering the only free chair in the apt.!)
Health issues are too scary for children to focus on.(They might"die") Try and remember: N's are emotionaly retarded and you are dealing with mental illness. I have delt with so many N's in my life. They all have the same patterns.
Lotus

Brigid

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N ailments
« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2005, 08:31:11 AM »
Perhaps they fear that if they actually did the things that would make them healthier and maybe even eliminate certain health issues, that they would lose the concern factor that keeps the non N's around them attached.  They wouldn't have as much to complain about and for us to feel sorry for them about.

Probably just another way for it to be all about them.  I agree that they probably think they know better, too and they can do whatever they want to.

Brigid

Portia

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N ailments
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2005, 11:47:03 AM »
October:
Quote
There seems to be some background expectation that illness/good health is to do with doctors, and is for them to 'cure', rather than being the responsibilty of the patient
Absolutely.

When mine talks about her illnesses, I pretend not to be very interested "uh-huh" - but I do listen very carefully to see if any of it is believable or important.

Your mother sounds like she's doing okay as an overweight heavy smoker. I wouldn't worry about her health too much at this stage... :(

October

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N ailments
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2005, 02:07:15 PM »
Quote from: Portia


Your mother sounds like she's doing okay as an overweight heavy smoker. I wouldn't worry about her health too much at this stage... :(


Well, for fun, C and I did an online life expectancy game thingy about a year or so ago.  I am predicted to live to be 82, she will be 88, I think it was, and my mum came out at 71, which is her age now.  

Didn't bother either of us.  We just laughed.  No, I am not worried about mum - she is very strong and resilient.  It is the weird behaviours that have me bemused.  It is not just us that she neglected.  She is neglecting her own welbeing as well, and my dad's, counter to every scrap of medical advice she can ever have heard in her life (she was a nurse).  Truly bizarre.  However, it doesn't touch me.  I am outside.   :?  (The mum I thought I had died many years ago.)

Bliz

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N ailments
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2005, 09:17:01 PM »
Wildrain,
Are you sure you are not dating my ex nbeau?  The concentration on really stupid things like not putting something on the chair sounds just like him.  He would complain about stuff other people did when he was so much worse in whatever department he was complaining about.

Like complain about the anger others had when he was  Mr rageaholic.  COmplain I had to many papers in my car when his house was a total unhealthy disaster of dog hair, soap scum, bugs,mice etc.  They are insane ,arent they?

Anonymous

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N ailments
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2005, 10:05:04 PM »
Quote from: Bliz
He would complain about stuff other people did when he was so much worse in whatever department he was complaining about.

Like complain about the anger others had when he was  Mr rageaholic.  COmplain I had to many papers in my car when his house was a total unhealthy disaster of dog hair, soap scum, bugs,mice etc.  They are insane ,arent they?


Projection... the bad stuff is in you, it's never in them... classic N self-defense. Goes right along with the double standards [it's wrong for you to do to them the things they do to you without blinking].

d'smom

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N ailments
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2005, 11:51:30 PM »
Quote
Projection... the bad stuff is in you, it's never in them... classic N self-defense. Goes right along with the double standards [it's wrong for you to do to them the things they do to you without blinking].




hi october, hope you have a fun trip.  8)

i just think, they dont want to be mentally healthy, why would they want to be physically healthy... :(  being healthy isnt dramatic and they dont get attention for it.  :(  its sad.

i have to say this post above pushed some big, sad buttons for me. the N's i know will do horrible things to me, call me names and spread horrible rumors that are not true, but all i have to do is say my own opinion, or disagree with them, and im evil incarnate.

also this anger thing was exactly why i was so oversensitive to feeling called 'angry' when i first came here. they betrayed me so bad and stabbed me in the back in the lowest way - then they discounted my feelings and told me i was totally unreasonable to feel upset.....

they did things that would make anyone furious, then they discounted all my feelings which made me even more furious, then they pointed at me and said 'see, she has an anger problem'.  i think that my daughter still blieves it too, becuase of the way she was brainwashed by them to see any disagreement with them, as 'evidence' of my 'anger problem'.

its such a horrible way to be trapped. thats why i was so oversensitive to thinking i was being called angry when i first came here. :(

who are these people and why cant we put them all on an island together to torture each other. now, theres an idea. :( :( :(
anna

October

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N ailments
« Reply #9 on: May 25, 2005, 06:07:49 AM »
Quote from: d'smom


i just think, they dont want to be mentally healthy, why would they want to be physically healthy... :(  being healthy isnt dramatic and they dont get attention for it.  :(  its sad.

anna


What a revelation!!  Thank you, Anna.  I think you have explained it all.  It is a real gift to be able to see the wood from the midst of the trees.  Many thanks.   :lol:

longtire

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N ailments
« Reply #10 on: May 25, 2005, 10:32:02 AM »
Quote from: Anonymous
Projection... the bad stuff is in you, it's never in them... classic N self-defense. Goes right along with the double standards [it's wrong for you to do to them the things they do to you without blinking].

Yes! about the double standards.  I tried for so many years to get my wife to "see" that the things she complained about me doing were things she did far worse to me.  Her defense against that was to justify her "bad" bahavior in that *I* forced her to treat me badly because I was "bad" first in one way or another.  When I did the same thing, it just showed how bad I was and would be deserving of being treated the same way.  Either way showed that I was a "bad" person and deserved to be treated however she chose to treat me.  She could never seem to understand the concepts of basic human worth or inherent respect for others as human beings.  Has anyone else experienced this with their N or Borderline?
longtire

- The only thing that was ever really wrong with me was that I used to think there was something wrong with *me*.  :)

mum

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N ailments
« Reply #11 on: May 25, 2005, 10:39:34 AM »
ooooh, Longtire, I can relate.  These are the kinds of mind/word games my ex would play with me.  Didn't matter that he was absolutely nucking futs in his "reasoning".  He did it because it made me upset.....here I would be trying to talk to him like he's "normal" and could somehow see reality....and all the while he's just messing with my head with absolutely NO ability to see what he's all about... and me, all trapped in this sticky, twisted mess of words he created (and he's not all that good with words, he's just really good and messing with good intentions!)   Uggggh
Now lets do a happy dance that we are not with those people anymore!!!!

Anonymous

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N ailments
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2005, 10:54:39 AM »
Longtire I had to read your post about 4 times to really understand it, and each time I thought it got better (or maybe my understanding got better?). What you describe is surely projection and a half? I guess if it feels icky, it is icky. Great description and very helpful, thank you. portia

longtire

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N ailments
« Reply #13 on: May 25, 2005, 11:22:09 AM »
:D
W
/\

Happy Dance!  Who else wants to join in?  (That's supposed to be a stick figure dancing, in case you can't tell it!)
longtire

- The only thing that was ever really wrong with me was that I used to think there was something wrong with *me*.  :)

Anonymous

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N ailments
« Reply #14 on: May 25, 2005, 11:28:38 AM »
:D  :D  :D so cool Longtire :D  :D  :D
<big smile> bye for now, portia