Hi Newbie and welcome:
It's a sad, annoying, frustrating, confusing, demeaning, heart wrenching road you've travelled, I think. I'm sorry for all of that and all you've been through in trying to make a family for you. The thing is.....imo.....you have to mourn all of the losses you've incurred.
The loss of a loving, compassionate, honourable relationship with someone you love.
The loss of the life you thought you would have.
The loss of your role as a husband.
The loss of children you might have had with this person.
Etc.
Maybe it would help to make a list of those losses and really grieve over them? The reason I think this is important is because you will then release the pain inside and be one of those dudes showing up in the next relationship with a bunch of.....baggage. You can empty those suit cases out and be free of their weight.
.....she is just going on happy like nothing ever happened.
Ya know what? These people are never happy. Thank your lucky stars that you can mourn and grieve and get the pain out, examine whatever errors you made, learn from them, and move on. You know what joy is and will find it again. But this person you were married to, she does not know what pains her, does not know how to mourn it, will never examine herself or her errors because she's too terrified to admit that there could possibly be anything wrong with HER, she won't learn a thing that is positive or that will help her to find what she actually needs/wants, will never know joy and is stuck........in the same pathetic place she has been in for ages. She may be able to pretend she's happy, look like she's happy and put on a good show but really.....deep inside......she's not happy.....she's afraid and alone and hasn't a clue how to connect intimately with another human being.
I'm a woman, in case you're wondering and I welcome you here and offer to listen and share in your losses/grief/pain, as I'm sure many others will too. But more so.....I wish to instill hope in you....that you will learn from all of this....you will trust and love again and it's not too late to start a family....with the right person, if it is meant to be. Hold onto your hope for a better life...it might be, as mum so often puts it, just around the corner!
GFN