I am fuming! i am fuming because I am so damn brainwashable. I believe he has been brainwashing me and keeping me down, keeping a lid on me, sapping my energy and depleting me of my power. I don't know how he is doing it... It seems like just being in his energy is doing it. I feel like I am becoming him and he is going to steal me, oh my God! what the hell am I doing????!!!!
I felt like it was ok to be with him these last few weeks as he has been wonderful and caring and none of the bad behaviour has surfaced. So why am I feeling like this when he has been well behaved?
Anyway, I told him this morning that I want to end it (again)
Don't congratulate me... I don't deserve it! I have to take it one hour at a time as we often break up a few times a day.
im not surprised selkie. this could take months. the reason your 'feeling like this' when hes 'well behaved' is becuase this behavior is kind of an act. you are starting to figure that out now that the jerky him is actualy the real him, or at least its enough of him that you dont want to deal with it. its disgusting that he wont respect your bouindaries but it -isnt- any surprise!!!!
i cut out these quotes for you: it might help you in a moment of insanity to do some reading on real actual brainwashing..... it has a lot of resemblance to what narcissists do. i think its a huge overlap. see if you recognise some of these techniques. just sift through the cult stuff and replace the word 'cult' with 'n'.
from <http://www.ex-cult.org/fwbo/terms.htm>
"For a while, an ex-member may exist in a sort of limbo between the cult world and the outside world, unsure which to believe in. To the extent that the cult belief system retains any degree of respect or credibility within an ex-member's mind, then to that extent leaving the group will seem like abandoning the ideals and aspirations of the group's belief system, and therefore like a failure.
On the other hand, to the extent that the cult belief system fails to retain credibility and is eschewed, to that extent an ex-member will tend to feel shame at their foolishness and gullibility in having once adopted beliefs and aspired to ideals which they now regard as unrealistic.
So either they are a failure, or a gullible fool. Either way their self-confidence takes a knock, and they may find it difficult to have any faith in their own judgement, or in their ability to make sensible decisions. For a while, they may not know what to believe, or who to trust...."
from <http://www.freeminds.org/psych/thought_reform.htm>
"......With drugs, physical pain, torture, or even a physically coercive threat, you can often temporarily make someone do something against their will. You can even make them do something they hate or they really did not like or want to do at the time. They do it, but their attitude is not changed.
This is much different and far less devastating than that which you are able to achieve with the improvements of coercive persuasion. With coercive persuasion you can change people's attitudes without their knowledge and volition. You can create new "attitudes" where they will do things willingly which they formerly may have detested, things which previously only torture, physical pain, or drugs could have coerced them to do. The advances in the extreme anxiety and emotional stress production technologies found in coercive persuasion supersede old style coercion that focuses on pain, torture, drugs, or threat in that these older systems do not change attitude so that subjects follow orders "willingly." Coercive persuasion changes both attitude and behavior, not just behavior.
THE PURPOSES AND TACTICS OF COERCIVE PERSUASION
.....The essential strategy used by those operating such programs is to systematically select, sequence and coordinate numerous coercive persuasion tactics over continuous periods of time. There are seven main tactic types found in various combinations in a coercive persuasion program. A coercive persuasion program can still be quite effective without the presence of ALL seven of these tactic types.
TACTIC 1. The individual is prepared for thought reform through increased suggestibility and/or "softening up," specifically through hypnotic or other suggestibility-increasing techniques such as: A. Extended audio, visual, verbal, or tactile fixation drills; B. Excessive exact repetition of routine activities; C. Decreased sleep; D. Nutritional restriction. [or promise of 'love']
TACTIC 2. Using rewards and punishments, efforts are made to establish considerable control over a person's social environment, time, and sources of social support. Social isolation is promoted. Contact with family and friends is abridged, as is contact with persons who do not share group-approved attitudes. Economic and other dependence on the group is fostered. (In the forerunner to coercive persuasion, brainwashing, this was rather easy to achieve through simple imprisonment.)
TACTIC 3. Disconfirming information and nonsupporting opinions are prohibited in group communication. Rules exist about permissible topics to discuss with outsiders. Communication is highly controlled. An "in-group" language is usually constructed.
TACTIC 4. Frequent and intense attempts are made to cause a person to re-evaluate the most central aspects of his or her experience of self and prior conduct in negative ways. Efforts are designed to destabilize and undermine the subject's basic consciousness, reality awareness, world view, emotional control, and defense mechanisms as well as getting them to reinterpret their life's history, and adopt a new version of causality.
TACTIC 5. Intense and frequent attempts are made to undermine a person's confidence in himself and his judgment, creating a sense of powerlessness.
TACTIC 6. Nonphysical punishments are used such as intense humiliation, loss of privilege, social isolation, social status changes, intense guilt, anxiety, manipulation and other techniques for creating strong aversive emotional arousals, etc.
TACTIC 7. Certain secular psychological threats [force] are used or are present: That failure to adopt the approved attitude, belief, or consequent behavior will lead to severe punishment or dire consequence, (e.g. physical or mental illness, the reappearance of a prior physical illness, drug dependence, economic collapse, social failure, divorce, disintegration, failure to find a mate, etc.)......."......
i think these people definitely brainwash us with these techniques...... it has to do with our innermost beliefs. either we believed in something 'good' which means we shouldnt leave and were crazy to think something is wrong, or we believed in something 'bad' meaning we were foolish and taken in by lies. its hard to know which is which and you swing back and forth figuring it out.
either way go easy on yourself, this could take a very long time. just take little tiny baby steps, and keep at it.
d'smom
