Mother has the "C" word.

[Butterfly]

Thank you all for having me in your prayers and thoughts!  I want to especially thank...

(((((October))))))  ((((((Brigid)))))  (((((GFN))))))  (((((2cents))))))

(((((Lara)))))  and (((((Mum)))))

....for your kind words to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

GFN wrote:

Are your sibblings and you close?

We have never really been emotionally close, but now we are getting closer.  Now, all we can think about is how we can make the fleeting time our mother has on this earth to be as pleasant as possible.  Not always an easy thing to do.

Lara wrote:

Both my parents had similar illnesses to your mother's,

Lara, I'm so sorry about your parents passing.   If you don't mind me asking, did they both have pancreatic cancer?

and there's no doubt that the time ahead will be tough for all of you, but also perhaps it will be an opportunity for showing love in a practical way, to the members of the family who you are close to.

What you said here will help me keep things in perspective to a certain degree.  Also, it reminds me that we need to be there for each other as much as we will be there for our mother.  Thanks.

I hope it will help you a little, to know that people here will be thinking of you everyday, and will be happy to 'listen' if you want to share how you are feeling.

Actually, it is helping A LOT!

P.S.  I didn't want to take the main focus off the "Anything" thread, so I've decided to post here instead.

I'm thinking of you too.
Butterfly

[Lara]

Hi Butterfly,
Thanks for the hug, and please accept this one from me (((((Butterfly)))))

In reply to your kind question, my parents did not die of pancreatic cancer, but of two other kinds of cancer. Both events were pretty tough, with so many emotions going on, so much happening in a short space of time. It's good that you wrote that you and your siblings are getting closer emotionally now;that for me was one of the pluses, sharing the last few months of my parents' lives , especially my father's, with my brother and sister. That's not to say that it was all sweetness and light between us! Because of the emotional stresses of the time, there were arguments and silences, but in the end we seemed to find a path where each of us could use our different strengths in different aspects of the process and afterwards. We also found black humour useful in coping with some of the times when things just seemed too much to bear!

Obviously everyone's experience of being with a terminally sick parent will be different, so I don't mean to project my own experiences on to you.
But to clarify also what I wrote yesterday; if you can show love and tenderness in little everyday ways, both to your mother and to your siblings, (provided of course that they are treating YOU as they should,) then I think it will help you during the bereavement period as well as during your mother's illness. It's normal to feel guilt after a bereavement, and if you can look back and remember all the loving things you did, it might make that period a little bit easier for you.

Just a few thoughts anyway. Don't forget Butterfly, we're all rooting for you 'here,'  ie on both sides of the Atlantic and probably beyond!

Sincerely,
Lara.

[mum]

Butterfly, I know this will be a tough time for all of you.  But in the case of my father's death from cancer, and currently, while my mother is much more slowly dying, there have been such moments of beauty and love in my family, and with my mother, that I wonder if in fearing death or suffering, we don't miss out on some amazing things.
I pray for your mother, as I do for my own, that those beautiful moments comfort her, and you.....and that her return to pure love is peaceful and serene.
((((((Butterfly,mom, family))))))

[Anonymous]

Hi Butterfly:

Not to worry about taking the focus off the "anything" thread!

The beauty is.......there is no focus....the focus can be anything!

Watching anyone die is not nice or easy for anyone with a heart even slightly as big as yours.  I'm glad it's bringing you and your sibblings closer together though.  Sharing and supporting eachother right now will lighten the load for everyone.

I will also keep you and your family in my prayers.  Thankyou for the hug.   Can't help but return it (((((((((Butterfly)))))))).

GFN

[Butterfly]

I've had mixed emotions since I first knew of my mother's cancer.  But, I've gently sweep my repressed feelings under the carpet, b/c how dare I be so selfish as to think about my own unmet needs when my own mother is dying!??

Now, I'm beginning to wonder to myself whether I'm allowing guilt to sugarcoat the repressed feelings and the anger of my upbringing with this onset of my mother's health condition. Lots to think about.

with a heart even slightly as big as yours.

It's really a wounded hearted, intoxicated with much toxins.  The little girl inside of me still yearns,"to be safe, to be healed, and to be whole."  And she realizes and is deeply sadden that she will not get her needs met by anyone in her family.  So, the only thing to do is to be consciously aware that every person around her, needs the very thing she needs, and to freely offer what little she has.  But, really, how can she possibly give what she doesn't have?  The butterfly kisses she had always wanted from her daddy, but have never gotten.  Or the praises from her mother she needed in order to feel accepted.

Butterfly

[Butterfly guesting]

Today will be the day to break the news to her. I hear of death all the time. But, not until it hits home does it become real and raw. I've never had to face the prospect of death of someone close to me til now.  


How did that go, butterfly? Are you alright?

Hi PluckyGuest2 and all,

Thanks for asking, Plucky.  As expected, it was very hard news to break to my mother.  It was harder still to see the pain in my mother's eyes, as it came with such a devastating blow.  Most of us were all there to provide support for her.  As painful as it was for her to swallow the grave news, she is recovering exceptionally well from the trauma of it, I feel.  She attributes her strength and peace of mind to God.  Her faith in God is strong and steady and continues to give her needed strength.  In many ways, I admire her for her trust in God and her vibrant spirit.  Apart from her lousy parenting skills, I think my mother is an admirable human being.

I'm doing fine.  Just going through the necessary headaches of getting a second opinion and all.  

Take care everyone.

Butterfly

[Stormchild]

Butterfly,

I'm so sorry.

[Butterflyguesting]

Thanks, (((((((Stormchild)))))).

Nice to hear from ya

Butterfly

[Anonymous]

Thinking of you Butterfly and sending you peaceful thoughts and quiet, soothing (((((((((hugs))))))))).

GFN

[B. guesting]

You brought a smile to my sadness, GFN.

Thank you!!!

Butterfly

[mum as guest]

((((((Butterfly))))))):

I'm doing some deep breathing for you.....for your mom, too.  Take some time to be still.  Sending you love....

[b/k]

Hi there, Mum

(((((((Thanks))))))))

I sure need some of that.

Butterfly

[Plucky]

Hi Butterfly,
How are you holding up?  Has anything new happened?
Plucky Guest2

[b/k]

Hi Plucky,

Thanks for still thinking of me.   I'm doing okay, I guess.   I think my mother is doing better than me and some of my siblings.   There have been some minor misunderstanding amongst some of us.  Trying to get everybody on the same page when it comes to what we think is best for mom is quite a tricky business, for sure.  I just have to remind myself to not let little things get to me and that we have to be understanding and patient with each other.  Not always an easy thing to do.   It's a matter of deciding on chemotherapy and radiation, or a form of unconventional treatment.  So many difficult decisions to make at this time.  Ultimately, she makes the final decision.  Fortunately, my mother has lots of support and advice from many ppl.  I'm glad for that.  So far she is doing pretty good.  And I'm doing what I can my looking out for her best.  It makes it a little bit more challenging for me since my mother is limited in her English.  I'm sure it is quite frustrating for her as well.

Until then, thanks for keeping me in your thoughts  (((((Plucky))))) and others.

Butterfly

[mum]

Glad to hear you are holding up, Butterfly. Still sending you and your mom light and love.  ((((((and hugs)))))))