is it good to revisit and share old narcissist crimes?

[Brigid]

Bunny,

It's not pathological AT ALL to tell the stories repeatedly until they lose their power.

Thank you for saying that.  Often when I retell the story of what my xh has done, I feel pathetic and wonder why I feel the need to bring it up anymore.  I believe that story does still have power over me and a certain level of trauma still exists from the shock and devastation of it all.  I really wish there was a switch that I could turn off in my head and never have to be reminded of that experience again.

Brigid

[longtire]

For me, I have felt like I had to keep going over and over these things (obsessing) until I was able to understand them.  Maybe "understand" is not the right word, maybe until I could integrate them.  I can't think of a really good word for for it.  Growing into understanding?.  Anyway, when I have learned enough and am able to re-interpret the event, THEN I am able to really let it go by accepting it and not fighting it.  It like that old song... When I fight Memory, Memory always wiiins.

[write]

do you have a therapist? I found therapy very useful not only to exorcise my childhood but to rework my life/ beliefs/ behaviours etc. I'm still working on it all, but each month gets better, and each setback is shorter.

I think it's only natural that you feel this ambivalence having stored up these experiences for a long time; I rememebr feeling like the sky would fall in when I finally decided it is my life, my experiences, my story...the first time I spoke to the therapist on the phone I whispered!

[Sela]

.....not being able to let go of the sense of outrage or anger.

Maybe it is not so much that you are not able.....but that it hasn't been fully released yet.  I think for any person to endure such horrendous experiences the most sane thing afterward, for a long time, is to feel a sence of outrage/anger.  If you didn't feel it......you would be less sane.  You would be numb.  You would be denying.  You would be disconnected from the experience.

Instead....to tell.....maybe over and over.....to speak....to express....might help to feel.....release some of that anger/outrage and that too.....is a very sane thing to do, if you ask me.

I might feel afraid....to shock....to not be believed....to not put it properly into words because there might not be proper words, as you said, to fully express it all.

Still, I encourage you to go ahead and try, if you wish to because it might be exactly what you need to allow......allow.....yourself to let it out.   When I try to imagine what you've been through and the amount of pain such treatment might produce, I think it must be giant, massive, a huge amount and then I wonder how much have you allowed yourself to tell, to purge, to express and also if it isn't expressed.....where does it all go?

My guess is deep inside.....shut in a drawer somewhere......not gone.....just out of view.  If you think it might help you.....I'm with Bunny......go ahead and tell as much, as often, as you want to or need to.

I will believe you, even if I am shocked, and I will admire your courage.  If you don't feel comfy telling, then that is ok too.   I want to support you, any possible way.

Sela