ksd,
I wish there was something I could say that would take your pain away. I searched so hard for myself at first when the very same thing happened to me. No confrontation, no harsh words, no gee honey I think we should break up. One day this man loved me with all of his being, the next day he acted like a complete stranger and there was no turning back.
I cried while I sat there for weeks praying he would call me. I mean I cried so damn hard I really thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I called begging for more abuse, his hate increased. I tried to talk rationale to him, he became more irrationale. I tried reminding him of the love I thought we had, he came on stronger trying to convince me that I was psychotic. I worried about my own well-being during that time.
I felt every second was like an hour. Every hour seemed to be days, and my gosh a day was as long as a week. Every second without him was a second to long for me. I adored this man. I wanted nothing more than to marry him. Six months later I can tell you all about NPD but it sure in the hell does not take all of the pain away.
You just have to cuss when you feel like cussing, cry when you feel like crying, and you just have to begin climbing your way up from the pits of hell. He won't try to comfort you because he can't sweety. He is not capable of knowing that you are hurt. Even if you just flat out tell him "look dude, you broke my heart here, wtf is the deal?" He can't grasp it, they just can't so it is up to you to figure out what it is that can lead you towards some answers.
I am sorry you have to go through this and I am sorry to think of others who are yet to come. It just isn't fair but damn it they can't help with the healing. Its going to be a long, hard, miserable journey. You did nothing to deserve this and you have to understand that. Please just try to find a friend who you trust and let it all out. Get comfort and hugs from anybody you can but for your own sanity, do not turn to him. I did that so often and I can promise you that I got shot down everytime. He promised to be the man of my dreams, he turned out to be the object of my nightmares. It freggin hurts and you just let it out anyway you can.
I am sorry I can't give you a darn thing to make this pain go away. I can only offer you support and some answers to the "whys". Everyone here can do that because we too have lived through this. We made it past the worst part of it. You put your faith back into yourself and make a damn promise to yourself that you will make it too. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but then again the relationship gave me a glimpse into what the breakup would be. He never let me down, he showed his true colors all along. Right up to the end he drove the knives in deeper. No contact is what made me begin to gather my thoughts. Please, take care of yourself emotionally. Its about time, we deserve that from ourselves.
