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new to this - I think my mom is a narcissist - help

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KateW:
Pat,

Thanks for your wise words. I will definitely check that book out. Wow -  our moms sound very simliar. I am blessed to have a husband who fully supports me in this. I think he's wondering what took me so long!

Lizbeth:
My father is this way.  Thinks he has the right to tell me what he does or does not like about my appearance, even though I haven't asked.  Told me he didn't like my hair when I visited him in Virginia in August.  Since then, I have taken off  30 lb (have more to go).  I sent him pictures of my sister, husband and I on a trip we took to Cancun last month.  When I called him for Thanksgiving, asked if he had received the pictures, he said yes.  Told him that I had lost 30 lbs.  His comment:  You can't tell from those pictures."   Even being heavy, I know I looked nice in the pictures.  But, instead of praising me for losing the weight, this is the comment I get.  And the reason I have a weight problem was my crazy mother, his wife, forcing me to stay up until 2 AM when I was little refusing to eat something or other on my plate.  Life long bulemia just conquered.  This is the support I get from my father.  I should have said, well at least my liver isn't about to explode from drinking the past 50+ years.  No, I just made some lame excuse and got off the phone.  It bothered me all day.  My husband said that my father just has to say something derogatory to make himself feel better about that fact that he's screwed up his health and his life so much.  My son said he would have been darned lucky to look as young as I do at 50, even with excess weight.  Thankfully that cheered me up.  Damn them both (parents).


--- Quote from: Anonymous ---
Last time I saw her she told me my hair was too long. I said I like it. My husband said, it's in style right now. Her reply was "celebrities can get away with it - they seem to break all the rules." She can't ever say I look nice. There's always something wrong. I met my mom and my aunt for lunch a couple of months ago and my aunt said I looked pretty. Mom's reply was "don't I look pretty?"
--- End quote ---

gwyneveyre:
Wow - I am so glad to have found this message board.  I recently began seeing a therapist (again), and last night she said my mom has a narcissistic personality.  I looked it up on the web and have found tons of stuff that I completely recognize and relate to.  I began seeing this therapist because of my inability to make decisions and constantly second-guessing myself (in one of these messages it describes this as common for children of narcissists).  There are so many outrageous stories I could recount about my mother's incredibly selfish behavior.  Here's one:  when she and my step-dad got divorced, she expected me to never have any contact with him again, despite the fact that he had been in my life for 15 years (from the age of 13).  She completely cut off contact with me because I refused to cut him out of my life 100%.  After about a year of this, I began the process of gradually coaxing her to re-establish contact with me.   It's been several years since then, and my therapist has given me the assignment of figuring out a realistic vision for my relationship with my mother that includes PROTECTING MYSELF FROM HER.

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